Feeling the ever present effects of Gender Dysphoria.
Currently attempting to cope, but falling short.
Keeps reverting to the resentment of feeling like Gender Dysphoria has "stole my life".
Consuming my focus and denying my ability to be present in any situation.
Holding on to my commitment to the responsibility of others has come with a price.
I just hope I have enough in my emotional account to cover it!
D

Sorry to say that those are such common feelings among the folks on this site. I try to find comfort in the fact I am not the only one but most days that falls short. I didn't know my heart could ache to such depths regarding the challenges we face in dealing with GD. Hoping you find your way forward each day.

The first time I met my new general practitioner doctor he mentioned I don't strike him as being depressed at all, and he knows depression is unfortunately common with transgender individuals.  I told him the reason I'm not depressed is I am doing something about it.  (I am not saying we are all the same - just bringing up what has worked for me.) 

If I know I have something on the horizon and doing small or large things working toward that goal, it puts me at ease.  This was even before HRT, and now with HRT it's all so clear to me. 

Same feelings here ladies. I am on my own. In addition to GD I also have DID (multiple personalities, 4 of which are females) This has caused even my local LGBT group to abandon me. The isolation is horrible even though I am 24/7 and out in public almost every day. I constantly have to watch my back as I walk everywhere (no car) Living in poverty. One meal a day. Death threats. I remain determined and committed because I am happy for the first time in my life! In spite of all the bad stuff everyone compliments my smile! The only thing that bothers me now is when I use the bath room, rest room or when I get dressed and have to look at that birth defect between my legs.

I am on the list for SRS and should get a surgery date soon, but the doctor told me it will be one year out.
I have been in a deep depression ever since, but you can't tell by my smile!


I hope we all get what we need. It's not our fault we were born this way and I will never be ashamed. I am a trans woman and I am proud of you all!~  Much Love!~ ♥

Violet one thing I do to help make a delay more bearable is - think about something that occurred one year ago.  Doesn't seem that long ago does it?  If I do that, a year from now doesn't seem like as much of a wait.

That is good advice Kendra and yes, a year isn't so bad, except that I didn't mention that the SRS is my only cure for my DID. I have gotten much better since my BA and the SRS will completely cure me. I will be able to have a career again and get out of poverty! Looking forward to that!

Quote from: Kendra on August 10, 2017, 07:07:51 PM
Violet one thing I do to help make a delay more bearable is - think about something that occurred one year ago.  Doesn't seem that long ago does it?  If I do that, a year from now doesn't seem like as much of a wait.

It can be sooo hard to deal with on a lot of days.  I can only hope that moving forward with my transition will help some.

I feel you and I highly advice you to see gender doctor if you can

My gender dysphoria is very sever
I always felt a girl and not a boy
What made my dysphoria worst
Is because it's illegal to transition or being trans in my country
NO One was willing to help me
Even doctors told me that it's illegal and big sin to help me transition and the only thing they can do is give me Psychiatric medications and Psychiatric treatment to try and make me "normal boy"
My dad inject me with male hormones in my teen to man me up
Only when I start transition by myself years ago I start to feel ALIVE every day I see myself becoming the girl i am
True it come with heavy price because I live in transphobic country but my dysphoria could totally killed me if I did not take step and help myself with the only thing I can
Only hrt and other transition treatment will help the dysphoria please see a gender specialist doctor
I wish I had a doctor to help me but it's impossible
For me either to start transition by myself or something worst would happen 
Before that I could not be present in any situation and I felt very very bad every second
Gender dysphoria is the worst thing can happen to the person if left untreated

I still have gender dysphoria because even after 8 years of hrt and looking as woman I cannot live as woman or change my documents to female and not only that but I have to life with men only because in my country men and women live separately and not allowed to be together

And since I'm legally born a male I can not ever change that or live as woman or be with other women

Instead Im force to live with men as a guy even though I look and sound as woman

Here is the hard part I'm force to hide my femininity and identity as trans girl from Everyone for my own safety to avoid getting arrest and facing sever punishment

Most of the time people can easily clock me and they quickly realize that I'm not a guy which can be really scary

I was sexually harass from men when they figure out that I'm who I am
And other said Verbal threats of hurting/raping/killings me or calling the police to arrest me
Women laugh at me and called me homophobic names

All of that increase my dysphoria and made me not wanting to leave the house and also because I'm afraid to go out and put myself at risk

But even in my home I'm not safe or my dysphoria is better because of my homophobic/transphobic family

Some cis gender people told me to start act like men and try to cut my hair and grow facial hair to pass as guy and avoid the bad things that happens with me

They clearly don't know anything about gender dysphoria
It's extremely difficult and impassible to do that
I prefer to die honestly before force to do that it would be much easy

Because I once tried it I cut my hair to boy cut and tried to act like men which was completely fail
And even so EVERYONE notice I was faking being a man and they treated me the same bad way like before doing this

I went to deep depression

I realize later this scenario work only with people who are not trans or having gender dysphoria

I'm completely comfortable in my own body I don't have male facial hair And i have feminine soft body and my voice is feminine the only thing give me dysphoria about my body is my male part but I'm having srs soon and I will be 100% comfortable with my body after having female part

My dysphoria now come from the situation that I'm living and the fact that even after looking as woman I have to live as a guy
I want to live fully as woman 24/7 only then my dysphoria will be cure

But for now I cannot do that in my country

Rose I am very concerned about your security and safety due to the situation in your country.  Many of us face serious challenges but the issues at your location are exceptionally bad.  I will send you a private message.

Oh Hun.....Rose,
You have such courage.
With your limitations imposed on you by society is awful.
It seems our condition is perceived by many as misunderstood and reacted on by judgement and worse.
Although not illegal for me, my limitations are imposed on me by myself.
I don't have the courage.
As a result I feel so trapped.
My heart goes out to any and all with gender dysphoria.
A misunderstood condition.
Those who experience it seem to be the only ones who really "get it".
At least we are not alone!
Hugs,
D