Hi everyone.  So yesterday my boyfriend was over at my house. My grandpa wanted my dad to go shopping with him for a new lawn mower. So he gets to our house like a whole our earlier than he was supposed to. This is my dad's dad who has been the least understanding and accepting of my transition.  My dad wasn't even home, he was getting his car washed. My first instinct was to grab Tristan and go upstairs but there was no way I really could. It would have been really rude to just leave my grandpa sitting there by himself. I thought to myself that Tristan wasn't a minority of any kind and that he spoke English so my grandpa couldn't really say anything offensive. I was totally wrong. I introduced them and my grandpa said " your boyfriend? You have a boyfriend? I didn't expect that would happen until after". He meant until after SRS. So then he asked Tristan where he was from and he told him Australia.  So for a couple of minutes he was babbling about what lawn mower to get. Then he tells Tristan he's pale for an Aussie. He said " I thought all you people were tan". Then he said that really the only noteworthy thing that had come out of Australia was Olivia Newton John. WHO?? OMG I could have sunk through the floor!  And my grandpa couldn't say Australian or Aussies. He kept saying " you people".  He  asked  Tristan some of the most  totally stupid questions. Like if he had ever hunted kangaroo. Tristan told him no and that he didn't hunt. My grandpa said " I thought all you people liked hunting."  then a little bit later he asked Tristan how fast he could shear a sheep.  He told him he had never sheared a sheep and hadn't ever even seen one in person.  So my grandpa starts talking about he thought competitive sheep shearing was a big thing in Australia. WTF. There's no such thing as competitive sheep shearing!  I don't know where he even got that stuff. Thank god my dad came home! I thought it was over, but no, there was one final totally embarrassing thing my grandpa still had to say. My dad told him they should get going but my grandpa kept saying "in a minute" and that he was still talking to " this Australian boy". Then he asked how long Tristan had been my boyfriend then he turns to Tristan and says " so what's your deal? Are you gay or what?" Talk about wanting to die on the spot! My dad said it was time to go and grabbed his arm and pretty much dragged him out to the car.  I don't think I could have been more embarrassed.  I didn't even know what to say to Tristan.  Amazingly he wasn't offended. All he said was that my grandpa was a real opinionated old nong and that he didn't know people could still be like that in 2017.  Nong is an Australian word I guess.

This was awful. My dad said that when he told him how rude that question was honestly couldn't see what he had said that was rude. One of the worst things about my grandpa is that he absolutely has no desire to learn about other people , minorities and other countries.  It's like he enjoys wallowing in his ignorance.  I need to look on amazon for a muzzle.
Julia

Get him a ball gag for Christmas. There is such a thing as competitive sheep shearing though

Quote from: FTMax on August 21, 2017, 02:42:31 PM
Get him a ball gag for Christmas. There is such a thing as competitive sheep shearing though

A gag sounds about right. Lol. For real? I didn't think it was a real thing. Tristan never said anything about it being real. What a totally weird thing for a competition.  Sheep shearing. Ewwww.
Julia

Your grandpa is old-style. Says what he thinks, no PC. Yet in a way, I don't think he was offensive He just grow old with that image of Australia from 'Crocodile Dundee'


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My grandpa is for sure not PC. My brother was dating a Latin girl last year. My grandpa told her she was very pretty, for a "beaner" .  He's just one of those relatives you can't have around people.

Quote from: Julia1996 on August 21, 2017, 03:22:24 PM
My grandpa is for sure not PC. My brother was dating a Latin girl last year. My grandpa told her she was very pretty, for a "beaner" .  He's just one of those relatives you can't have around people.

You see, your grandpa makes an effort, he embarrasses you and your brother equally

Quote from: Julia1996 on August 21, 2017, 03:22:24 PM
My grandpa is for sure not PC. My brother was dating a Latin girl last year. My grandpa told her she was very pretty, for a "beaner" .  He's just one of those relatives you can't have around people.

Hi Julia,

How old is he?  Could dementia be kicking in or has he always been like that?

Quote from: Julia1996 on August 21, 2017, 01:53:07 PM
Amazingly he wasn't offended. All he said was that my grandpa was a real opinionated old nong and that he didn't know people could still be like that in 2017. 

Unfortunately there's lots of people still like this.  Had a conversation the other day with a long time friend, he was talking about that poor Professor Jordan Peterson and how he was a victim of the transgender community and the "ALT-Left" because they were forcing him to use "made up" pronouns.  It was so stupid I wanted to scream.  I'm constantly amazed with what people tell me or joke about transgender people.

Take care Julia.  Sorry your grandfather is such twit.

Paige

It's all entertainment. Laugh at it him. It's the only sane thing to do.


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Paige, he just turned 60 in may. And he's always been that way. He is one of those people who use N word and other nasty words for minorities.

Gertrude, you're right. It's just so much easier to laugh when he's embarrassing my brother. Not so much when it's me. Lol
Julia

Quote from: Julia1996 on August 21, 2017, 03:59:14 PM
Paige, he just turned 60 in may. And he's always been that way. He is one of those people who use N word and other nasty words for minorities.

Gertrude, you're right. It's just so much easier to laugh when he's embarrassing my brother. Not so much when it's me. Lol
Julia

My dad is 61! After 2 years after coming out he's slowly getting better although he acted really offensively and hurt fully. But at least he mostly gets what being trans is now. There's still a very very small chance your grandad may just learn to keep his offensive thoughts to himself

Should you find yourself in something like this again, the trick is to get your grandfather to talk about something in his past. It might be his job or how they used to do something in the old days. He might become so engrossed in his story that he won't have time to go where he shouldn't in the discussion.

Julia I hate to tell you this but competitive sheep shearing is a thing...not so much here in Australia but huge with our Kiwi neighbours.

Sounds like he has never been in a situation of being in the minority and whilst not an excuse it may go a long way to explaining why he talks that way. My father who is 76 can be very tactless when talking about trans issues and when it comes to the whole Sex and gender thing ....it doesn't compute in his brain. So distraction, changing the subject anything to break his current train of thoughts...usually throws him off the track.

I understand how embarrassing that was for you and maybe telling him might actually make him think twice before saying something. Hopefully your boyfriend showed another of the great aussie traits and that is to not let most things bother him, Aussies can be so laid back they almost seem asleep. 

Quote from: ElizabethK on August 21, 2017, 06:03:20 PM
Julia I hate to tell you this but competitive sheep shearing is a thing...not so much here in Australia but huge with our Kiwi neighbours.

Sounds like he has never been in a situation of being in the minority and whilst not an excuse it may go a long way to explaining why he talks that way. My father who is 76 can be very tactless when talking about trans issues and when it comes to the whole Sex and gender thing ....it doesn't compute in his brain. So distraction, changing the subject anything to break his current train of thoughts...usually throws him off the track.

I understand how embarrassing that was for you and maybe telling him might actually make him think twice before saying something. Hopefully your boyfriend showed another of the great aussie traits and that is to not let most things bother him, Aussies can be so laid back they almost seem asleep. 

I think Cesar Milan has that perfected, but you need a leash.
Or just touch him on the shoulder and go " tssss". 
Smiles, Jessica 🙋🏼

Quote from: ElizabethK on August 21, 2017, 06:03:20 PM
Julia I hate to tell you this but competitive sheep shearing is a thing...not so much here in Australia but huge with our Kiwi neighbours.

Sounds like he has never been in a situation of being in the minority and whilst not an excuse it may go a long way to explaining why he talks that way. My father who is 76 can be very tactless when talking about trans issues and when it comes to the whole Sex and gender thing ....it doesn't compute in his brain. So distraction, changing the subject anything to break his current train of thoughts...usually throws him off the track.

I understand how embarrassing that was for you and maybe telling him might actually make him think twice before saying something. Hopefully your boyfriend showed another of the great aussie traits and that is to not let most things bother him, Aussies can be so laid back they almost seem asleep. 

I've noticed how laid back he is most of the time. He didn't seem bothered or offended by anything my grandpa said. Actually the only time I've seen him not laid back was once when we were at the mall and this stupid girl who knew me before felt the need to come up to us and ask Tristan if he knew I was "a guy".  He told her she was pretty uppity for a swamp donkey.  I didn't even know what swamp donkey meant but I laughed. Then after he told me what it meant it was even funnier. You guys have some colorful expressions. I've gotten a little bit used to Aussie slang now but when we first started dating I was constantly asking him " what does that mean."
Julia

Well I wasn't there, but from what I've read, despite the fact that your grandpa is old school, he indeed is accepting you (in his way) and bending backward not to step on your toes.

He did not preach, did not ignore your bf, did not say anything offensive about you, but tried to get a feel of your bf.  in the old school ways, acknowledging him and taking an interest of him is very polite. I think your bf recognized this as such too.

Quote from: Julia1996 on August 21, 2017, 03:59:14 PM
Paige, he just turned 60 in may.

Okay Julia you've officially made me feel old.   Your grandfather is only 5 years older than me.   

Quote from: elkie-t on August 21, 2017, 09:10:04 PM
Well I wasn't there, but from what I've read, despite the fact that your grandpa is old school, he indeed is accepting you (in his way) and bending backward not to step on your toes.

He did not preach, did not ignore your bf, did not say anything offensive about you, but tried to get a feel of your bf.  in the old school ways, acknowledging him and taking an interest of him is very polite. I think your bf recognized this as such too.

There seems to be some sort of thought that Julia's grandfather was born before television or something.  Being born in the late fifties and coming of age in the late 70s doesn't really make you old school in my books.  Maybe I'm in denial.

Paige

Julia's grandfather is 6 years younger than me Our family didn't have television until I was approaching 4 years of age. It wasn't because it hadn't been invented but more because it was expensive. The television was a present to my mother who was pregnant with my sister and was pretty miserable at the time. It was something like a beautiful big screen 21 inch black and white.

I swear, we should have a category just of Julia stories!  Yes, I can imagine, especially the old acting like that.  My dad is probably older than your grandpa, and damn the things he says.  Btw, I Have seen competitive sheep shearing at a state fair.  I didn't think Australia was known for that though, more New Zealand.  An old joke, New Zealand where men are men and sheep are nervous.  Apologies to any men or sheep that might offend;)

As for the grandfather, switching the conversation by asking for money should do the trick. Just make sure your father is in on it so he doesn't freak out.

Some people use getting a little older as an excuse not to think.  They get lazy in their thought patterns, and get mad or resentful when a new thought comes along. "I have to give respect/rights to 'those people'? Oh it's just so hard on me." By the way 60 is not that old. Considering the time he grew up in, he should be more respectful to people who are different. As for you, chalk it up to a crazy old man that says stuff you can't believe. I'd be messing with him back about being from the stone age. Humor can be a good way to combat his foolishness.
Moni