My name is Jamie, turning 28 in September, and was assigned male at birth, something that I've never really liked. I was named after Jamie Lee Curtis, something that I always had to pretend to dislike, since you couldn't be happy about being "male" and having to be named after an Actress, even though it was the one thing that I loved about myself; my name (I didn't have a name for a while when I was born, that is until my father had a dream and decided on Jamie Lee)(I recently told my mother that I like my name, after years of proclaiming I hated it, which made her dumbstruck).
For most of my formative years I was slim and small. I rode my sister's bike and was inwardly thrilled when I was mistaken for a girl by strangers on family rides, though I was outwardly angry when it happened (can't be a boy and be pleased when you're called a girl, now can you?
). I mainly had female friends all throughout my life, I never meshed well with boys since I never genuinely liked nor enjoyed the same things they did (I liked Sailor Moon and Cardcaptor Sakura, shōjo and josei manga, women's fashion and cooking/baking. Oh, and I didn't want to copulate with Hermione, instead being her friend was my fantasy. So, whenever I usually made boy friends I didn't manage to keep them). I always wished I could be one of the girls, to wake up and be a girl so I could be involved in their lives as their other girl friends were. I was closer to one-of-the-girls than other boys, but there was always that ending point that would be reached that would exclude me from the group and I'd get thrown to the boys of the group/party/gathering. I had crushes on girls, even friends, and always wanted to ask them out, though I never did and now realise that the desire I had to ask them out, to be their 'boyfriend', was merely my desire to be closer to them. I never necessarily thought about romantic ideals when I imagined going-out with a girl, it was more like we were BFFs.
My small stature didn't last long though as I bulked and beefed up after going onto steroid-based asthma medication and have been fighting with image problems ever since, without realising that that was only a small part of the problem I had with my body. I had expressed a desire to be female from an early age, as well as all throughout my life, though nobody took me serious, even myself. I was diagnosed with Asperger's and anxiety disorders in early High School which did help explain a lot of things that I did and felt, but not everything. I find that my insensitivities from Asperger's (ASD) hinders my own self-awareness of things, leading me to only recently wanting to pursue transition.
I started to grow my hair at the beginning of the year, after having a Ragnar Lothbrok hair cut (it's taking ages to grow out properly), which I'm loving. I've gone to a totally vegan diet, and I exercise when I'm well enough. I take care of my skin and body now like I've never done before. I am genuinely happy in my life, something I can say I've never experienced before (I'm starting to shop in the women's clothing section, which I'm enjoying, something I'm unaccustomed to since I despised shopping for male clothes - I use to wear my clothes to breaking point, only getting new clothes when absolutely necessary). I'm currently constructing a coming-out letter to give to my cousin's fiancé (we're quite close) on an upcoming weekend visit before talking to my mother (she's my carer and I can't even contemplate doing anything unless I have my mother helping me through it).
I'm really looking forward to beginning the process, but I do think finding a gender therapist might be difficult where I live, which is making me a bit anxious.
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And breathe -_- That took me a long time to type and post. I found the forum a while ago, but was trepidatious about joining and posting (I've never really been a forum user), but I felt like I needed to join
