I used to come to these forums when my ex came out to me. Most of you probably don't remember me. I was here a while and I did my due diligence. I just want to offer support here to the people that it doesn't work out for.

I tried to be supportive of my ex. I was happy for her coming out and being herself. You know what I lost in the process? All of myself, any support that I needed. It all turned into a life about her and not about us.

I felt bad for not liking how that was going but after two years of being a bag of dirt I got over it and left and am now in the best relationship of my life. Yes, I am bitter. But I have grown and I have learned.

Just wanted to put out there, don't feel like you need to lose yourself to be supportive of your partner. If you do, it was never a partnership to begin with.

 Thank you Muffinpants,

  We see a lot of breakups here as you probably know already and they are all sad happenings. The difference is that most of the ones we see are from the perspective of the one transitioning. And as most of us here are of that perspective we do need to be reminded That there are two sides in a relationship and both parties can bear the hurt that transitioning can bring.
  Thank you for being here to remind us of that, Muffinpants. ((Hugs)) I am glad you were able to find another love and move on with your life. And thank you for coming to Susan's Place to help others.

Hugs,
   Laurie

MP I think I'm luckier than most in the relationship dept. I was open with my gf from the start about being trans. At that time I saw myself as simply exploring being kinky and cross dressing, however I think it's telling that from the time I started that I was always right up front with potential partners that I would be dressing femme.

Now on the hindsight side of GCS it seems far more obvious that transition was what I needed all along however it took 18 years to get here. I was reticent for my own reasons and when I'd brought it up she was adamant that she wasn't a lesbian. So let's say supportive of being trans but not of surgical transition and back then I couldn't see much sense in HRT if I wasn't going to proceed to surgery.

I don't regret postponing either HRT or GCS for all those years, my gf and I have had the opportunity to be supportive of each other and we've both been accomplished and happy in our careers. However depression overtook me again 4 years ago and I eventually realized that while there were other proximate causes, gender dysphoria was always right there among them. And so I started HRT as a trial balloon to see if that alone would make me happier. When it clearly did I told my SO that I would probably need to transition and felt I would want to continue HRT.

She wasn't happy about this as I anticipated which is why I chose to start HRT before talking to her. When we had the discussion, it was no longer hypothetical and I think that made it easier (I had telegraphed my intent, wearing makeup more often, letting my hair grow etc).

From that point I undertook the get to GCS as fast as possible and was in the OR with Heidi Wittenberg almost exactly 16 months after starting HRT. I think getting past RLE quickly made this an exercise in ripping the bandage off rather than prolonged anticipation.

I think I'd learned a bit from seeing friends relationships both succeed and fail due to transition or similar stress and change. I did every single thing I could to see that I took responsibility for transitioning and to minimize the impact on my gf. It helps that I'm pansexual and we're poly, but also looking and behold, she seems to enjoy lesbian sex at least with me and I don't mind in the least if she wants to seek male bodied partners to give her an energy that was for me always a role play.

I'm glad you're happy and hope your former gf is also.