Hey, it's been awhile I'm still here and after 4 years of trying to transition I finally did it. I have my first Endocrinology appointment the 13th of September! I'm still seeing my therapist cause she is amazing and helps me out a ton. I have had a few bumps in the road lately and just want some information/opinions/anything to clear my head.

First things first, I'm starting my journey to transition really soon! Once I found out I had an appointment I got so excited I told my cousin and his girl friend about it. They got extremely ecxcited for me! My close friend was there with me as well and his screamed and jumped with me. However when I told my best friend all she had to say was nice... Another close friend of mine was talking to my best friend one day and aparently my best friend just doesn't see me as male. She calls me Cayden and as best as she can uses male pronouns, but doesn't see me as male nor would ever from the conversation I was told. I feel like she's been distant with me as well after they spoke...

Next is another issue that has me messed up. So back in high school there was this girl, I won't say her name for her own privacy. I had liked her for the 4 years of my high school life. There was drama and it all went to chaos. The last thing she ever said to me was "I can't love you, the way you love me." Which confused me, I didn't do anything to make her feel uncomfortable, I never pushed her to hold me hand, nothing. Cause I would get so nervous around her, I'd talk to much or too little, I'd stutter, and I'd shake. She was just so beautiful and her personality was just AMAZING. I just loved being around her. Then I was ghosted. Anyways a few days ago I got my first tattoo done by her, after 2 years of not seeing her there she is doing my tattoo. (I've been out of my last relationship for 1 month, we dated for 1 year and 9 months) Well seeing her again brought some feelings back, I'm talking about the very first girl I ever fell for and admitted to my self of course, that I loved her. We messaged a little bit here and there, and I invited her to a movie and now she's ignoring me. I don't know if I should message her saying it isn't a date or she is getting the wrong idea or maybe to leave it be. Though... I just don't want to watch her leave again.