I've wanted to transition for my whole life. When I started to go through puberty, I was horrified by the peach fuzz that started to grow on my face. I hated it, I hated shaving, I hated everything about it.

Fast forward to now, transitioning like I always wanted to. Getting rid of the scruff on my face is always something I wanted, even before I completely figured all this out. I just hated the scratchiness, and the fact that it couldn't even grow a good beard, to make myself feel more masculine. I hated shaving. I always wanted it to just go away.

I have extremely sensitive skin. Part of the reason I always hated shaving. I feel pressed for time, always, so shaving ends up being something that I do "if I have time" I really want this to go away.

I've done laser hair removal twice before I started HRT, and that was BARELY tolerable. Now that I've been taking hormones, my skin is even MORE sensitive. Last time I tried to get laser, I had to stop because it just hurts SO MUCH. I can't do it. I understand that nobody likes pain, but it's the FEAR of the pain that's the worst part. I feel like this is where my transition ends, and think maybe I should stop hormones, maybe I should just give up.

I now know that I am not a woman, this does not bother me, and I've always known I was never supposed to be a guy. I feel somewhat uncomfortable socially with women, and have nearly no guidance, but I CAN NOT take the pain of the hair removal process. It makes me extremely sad. This is one of the the things that makes me the most dysphoric, and once I realized the process wasn't going to get easier, I just feel like there's no point to transitioning. I didn't think I'd feel like this. Finally pretty okay with my body, but I'm getting really depressed again.

Is this the end of the road? Do I just want to try to go back because I learned how to be a reasonable facsimile of a guy for 27 years, and have lost the one person who I feel like could ever help me through this? I'm having crying fits when I think about this very much. I don't want to move forward with my life at all right now.

I don't know where you are,  but there are some clinics that will use a local anaesthetic to numb you whole face for extended electrolysis sessions. Some other members here have comented on these services in the past.

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Hi Michelle,

There is a fairly well-known Electrology clinic in Lewisville, Texas (a suburb of Dallas) called Electrology 3000 (3K) that specializes in electrolysis with injected anesthetic.  If I recall, they use a combination of Lidocaine and another anesthetic and anesthetize each area before performing electrolysis on it.  My first visit took about one and a half days, and my last was done in less than a day.  Now, the injections themselves can be a little touchy, especially upper and lower lip areas, but the electrolysis itself is virtually pain-free (at least that was my experience).  Now the downside is that my face was very swollen after each session, much more than one could see after a typical electrolysis session of an hour or two, so it pays to plan ahead so you don't have to go in to work all swollen.   

I believe that there are other similar practitioners in the U.S., one in Arizona, maybe one in Chicago?  I'm not looking any more since I've been cleared enough to get stragglers in 2 hour sessions with my local electrologist.  There may very well be someone in Canada doing it too, but I never looked into it.  If I happen across anything, I'll be sure to post it back here. 

A second alternative is a combination of injected anesthetic from a physician with electrolysis by your electrologist.  I've never done this, and I imagine it's complicated coordinating everything. 

If you read through some of the historical posts on the subject, there are some pretty good descriptions of preparatory practices, such as application of 5% lidocaine cream (EMLA) or other similar products, the need to be hydrated, possibly even sedatives, anti-inflammatories or anti-anxiety medications.  Again, not familiar to the specifics, but they may be helpful to you. 

I sure hope that you can surmount this obstacle and get to where you wish to be. This has been probably the biggest impact on the success of my transition after hormones.  I'm glad I started electrolysis before HRT, as there was a difference in my pain sensation and tolerance.  That said, I do know some people who have been unable to participate in either HRT, laser or electrolysis, and have fully transitioned and are currently living as women, so this need not be an end to your transition, should you elect to proceed.  Either way, best of luck on your journey!

Erin

fyi:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,224217.0/topicseen.html

I'm in Canada, the last time I went, the pain caused me to have a panic attack and I only got my chin done before I couldn't take it any longer. Once I started to panic, the doctor (I think she's a dermatologist) that was doing the treatment gave me something for ancmxiety and applied some lidocaine cream, let me rest for I don't know how long, but it doesn't help much. My anxiety was way too much to handle, and the pain was too great. It was a year ago that I did that, and this makes me feel like I'll never be able to feel like the person I want to be. I want to just throw in the towel, give up, I have little support on a personal level, but I think I'm very closed off to most people since I started transition. This depresses me so much, thinking about it makes me cry. I refuse to look in the mirror, and indont want to take care of myself because I hate my face... there are all kinds of things that I didn't expect to happen during transition, I didn't expect my social life to get worse (before I just didn't have one, now I don't even go out) my romantic life is nonexistent anymore (I had the illusion that in was just rather unsuccessful before) this year alone I've made three suicide attempts, I've never gotten that far before... I'm feeling the lowest I have in a long time right now, and distracting myself doesn't work when I try to shut down for the day or right when I'm getting up.

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Being a female, for me at least, requires me to endure pain. No pain no gain is the motto. When I was a male I was even scared of the pain of an injection. During laser hair removal I would sweat profusely with the pain and anticipation of the next zap. They can lower the power of the laser to a more comfortable level but you have to go more often. Use a strong numbing cream and wrap saran wrap over it and take a sedative.  It reduces the pain. Or you can have a numbing injection, tried that and it works really well after you bear the pain of the injection. Today,my pain tolerance has increased significantly, I have botox, fillers, electrolysis and I dont mind the pain because I can see the results.

Michelle,

Here's a link below to a previous board topic listing four U.S. locations offering anesthetized facial and genital electrolysis.  I think you may be a little closer to Chicago than I am, but I imagine it's comparable to my L.A. to Dallas commute.  Not sure if your situation permits, but it's potentially an avenue worth pursuing.  If you could get a couple of clearings done under injected anesthetic, it might make getting the cleanup done seem a little less daunting.  I haven't come across any providers in Saskatchewan, but the two links to providers in Vancouver (noted farther below) mention the possibility of local anesthetic, Fariview cites a relationship with a nearby dentist for the application.  Vancouver may be out of your reach, but it's probably closer to you than any of the U.S. providers.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=219018.0

http://www.vancouverelectrolysis.ca

http://www.fairviewelectrolysis.com

Hope this helps,

Erin

The way to deal with pain is not to think about it. I would attempt to solve difficult problems while I was being treated. Audio books or music could work for some. In my case, I ask my operator not to speak with me while I was being treated so I wouldn't break my concentration. What will work for you, I don't know but pick something that holds your attention.

Quote from: Dayta on August 21, 2017, 12:33:48 AM
Michelle,

Here's a link below to a previous board topic listing four U.S. locations offering anesthetized facial and genital electrolysis.  I think you may be a little closer to Chicago than I am, but I imagine it's comparable to my L.A. to Dallas commute.  Not sure if your situation permits, but it's potentially an avenue worth pursuing.  If you could get a couple of clearings done under injected anesthetic, it might make getting the cleanup done seem a little less daunting.  I haven't come across any providers in Saskatchewan, but the two links to providers in Vancouver (noted farther below) mention the possibility of local anesthetic, Fariview cites a relationship with a nearby dentist for the application.  Vancouver may be out of your reach, but it's probably closer to you than any of the U.S. providers.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=219018.0

http://www.vancouverelectrolysis.ca

http://www.fairviewelectrolysis.com

Hope this helps,

Erin

Vancouver is nearly 1000 miles away from me. I have purchased some numbing cream, but have my doubts about it. I also do not gave a driver's license. I'll see about something sedating... it's funny that I nearly slept through my tattoos without painkillers or anything, but this hurts a lot more. I'll look into travel options, Vancouver might be a good option, I just have to check flight prices.

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I can only imagine that the pain is real.
I, like you, have tattoos (7 of them.) they were not painful at all.
When I started electrolysis, those first sessions were painful...especially right under the nose and around the lips. My electrologist recommended the Emla cream. Fortunately, we in Canada do not need a prescription. And, I followed her instructions to put the cream on 1/2 hour before, and seal with Saran Wrap...apparently it seals it in or something. I did around 90 hours of electrolysis after that, never experiencing what I'd call pain...but the cream really helped. I think what also helped is my electrologist talked to me the whole time...like taking my mind off what she was doing.

Wishing you better luck...FYI, I'm from Prince Albert originallly, but moved away in the early 80s.

Quote from: NJOttawa on August 25, 2017, 08:17:08 AM
I can only imagine that the pain is real.
I, like you, have tattoos (7 of them.) they were not painful at all.
When I started electrolysis, those first sessions were painful...especially right under the nose and around the lips. My electrologist recommended the Emla cream. Fortunately, we in Canada do not need a prescription. And, I followed her instructions to put the cream on 1/2 hour before, and seal with Saran Wrap...apparently it seals it in or something. I did around 90 hours of electrolysis after that, never experiencing what I'd call pain...but the cream really helped. I think what also helped is my electrologist talked to me the whole time...like taking my mind off what she was doing.

Wishing you better luck...FYI, I'm from Prince Albert originallly, but moved away in the early 80s.

I'm in Saskatoon myself, only been to PA 2-3;times, and that was just driving through

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Hi  MichelleZelda

You have a kindred spirit here. I have hypersensitivity on my facial skin, my panin management Dr suggested it was because of scar tissue from previous facial surgeries. This make electrolysis unbearable for me with out any aesthetic.

Find a sympathetic dentist who can give you dental block that will cover you for top lip, bottom lip and chin area. I have found that these work far better.

I have also found that whilst very painful for me I have a very sparse beard that reacted well to the higher currents and I have a small percentage of new growth/regrowth. Having said all that I had to find a Dr who was prepared to give me facial injections.

The Dr concerned was trans herself and understand how painful electrolysis can be...she did warn me that she had not done them but was happy to "give it a go for me"...by trial and error we worked out what areas work well with facial injections and what areas don't. I have something like 25 sessions of injection which ended up to be about 100+ injections...some I could not feel a thing and other days I could feel it but it was greatly lessened.

I am at the stage where facial injections are just not worth it...my electrologist is talking about us being on the home stretch...if you can find a Dr who will give you the injections on a week by week basis you may find you can ease your fear and tolerate a little more than you could.

My first session I managed 10 minutes and by the time I go back to my car I was bawling my eyes out. So take heart as I am nearly finished There are so many things you can do to reduce the pain and discomfort of electrolysis.

My laser tech used an ice pack...she would work on one cheek and have me icepack the other side and then icepack my chin or under my neck...it worked pretty well. Shew would give me a couple of minutes at the start of each session so that the first area got numb and then away we would go.

Preparation is very important for successful electrolysis session, not only reducing the pain but letting the Tech work under optimal conditions

Quote from: ElizabethK on August 26, 2017, 01:32:13 AM
Hi  MichelleZelda

You have a kindred spirit here. I have hypersensitivity on my facial skin, my panin management Dr suggested it was because of scar tissue from previous facial surgeries. This make electrolysis unbearable for me with out any aesthetic.

Find a sympathetic dentist who can give you dental block that will cover you for top lip, bottom lip and chin area. I have found that these work far better.

I have also found that whilst very painful for me I have a very sparse beard that reacted well to the higher currents and I have a small percentage of new growth/regrowth. Having said all that I had to find a Dr who was prepared to give me facial injections.

The Dr concerned was trans herself and understand how painful electrolysis can be...she did warn me that she had not done them but was happy to "give it a go for me"...by trial and error we worked out what areas work well with facial injections and what areas don't. I have something like 25 sessions of injection which ended up to be about 100+ injections...some I could not feel a thing and other days I could feel it but it was greatly lessened.

I am at the stage where facial injections are just not worth it...my electrologist is talking about us being on the home stretch...if you can find a Dr who will give you the injections on a week by week basis you may find you can ease your fear and tolerate a little more than you could.

My first session I managed 10 minutes and by the time I go back to my car I was bawling my eyes out. So take heart as I am nearly finished There are so many things you can do to reduce the pain and discomfort of electrolysis.

My laser tech used an ice pack...she would work on one cheek and have me icepack the other side and then icepack my chin or under my neck...it worked pretty well. Shew would give me a couple of minutes at the start of each session so that the first area got numb and then away we would go.

Preparation is very important for successful electrolysis session, not only reducing the pain but letting the Tech work under optimal conditions

I don't know if I'll be able to get the facial injections, I'm not sure who might give them. I'm not sure if anyone would. I'm terrified to go again, it sounds like my facial hair situation might be similar to yours.

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Although I would support the use of anaesthetic agents to alleviate pain, I would also suggest meditation.

I know it will be poo papped by some but if you are taught to meditate or as some people call it self hypnosis you can control your self. You can control anxiety, and other subconscious reactions to your Id.

I suggest it may be worth exploring. I suspect that anaesthetic agents may not control the anxiety effects you have and if they do, they may not be the sort of drugs you want to take.

I have all of my quite invasive throat manipulations without gagging or moving. Just to explain, I have people putting forceps through that hole in my neck opening and making another hole so that I can speak. I do that while meditating and being in my safe place. It isn't hard to learn those techniques and they are very useful.

I was just talking with my local electrologist, and she's been thinking about approaching local dentists to apply dental blocks in conjunction to her practice.  We talked for a while, noting that the removal of pain allows the electrologist to operate at higher levels and much faster, which simultaneously a) damages the skin more than careful hair removal would under normal circumstances and b) clears large and especially sensitive areas significantly faster, reducing the overall electrolysis load and leaving less to be accomplished via conventional means. This short circuit cut probably months of electrolysis from my journey, and ought to be considered as a supplement to traditional methods, if available, at least in my opinion. 

Erin

Quote from: MichelleZelda on August 27, 2017, 08:43:39 AM
I don't know if I'll be able to get the facial injections, I'm not sure who might give them. I'm not sure if anyone would. I'm terrified to go again, it sounds like my facial hair situation might be similar to yours.

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Cindy makes a really good point and I although I didn't mention it above I have an appointment to see a hypnotherapist next month for this exact issue as I really want to find a better way of dealing with my pain issues in the longer term. I have spoken to a number of people who use meditation very successful including one who has two hour sessions at a time. There are several area's in my life where I feel something like this would be helpful which is why I am pursuing it. I have had to wait nearly 2 months for an appointment but my understanding is that the particular therapist is very good at what she does.

When I contacted her and told her what I wanted she seemed to think she could help so I guess time will tell.

Went for laser today. The device this place uses is WAY better! Practically painless comparatively!

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Quote from: MichelleZelda on August 30, 2017, 04:28:05 PM
Went for laser today. The device this place uses is WAY better! Practically painless comparatively!

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That's great news,  very happy for you. [emoji4]

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Although I do have a stomach ache and am a little put off by having outed myself, even if normally I'm so out it makes others a little uncomfortable lol

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Quote from: MichelleZelda on August 30, 2017, 04:28:05 PM
Went for laser today. The device this place uses is WAY better! Practically painless comparatively!

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Glad to hear that!  I was just about to post suggesting you try a different place.

I went for several laser sessions by the Marquise de Sade.  She cranked up the level each time, and the last time, it was near unbearable, even with Emla cream.  Then I went back for one more session, same place, same machine, different operator.  When I told her about the pain in the previous sessions, she adjusted the machine.  Less watts over a longer pulse.  It was much more comfortable.

I haven't been back, since I was on HRT by that time and my face was starting to react to sunlight.  She said I should not come back for more laser until the fall.  In the meantime, I am continuing with weekly electrolysis.  I always bring music and headphones.  I find that meditating on the music is a great way to reduce the pain.  I also use Emla cream.  In preparation for each session, I have only weak tea at breakfast time, not coffee, and I avoid chocolate.  I am a chocoholic, so that last one is a hardship for me, but it makes a huge difference.  I found out the hard way!  I also make sure I am well hydrated before the session.

Quote from: MichelleZelda on August 30, 2017, 04:28:05 PM
Went for laser today. The device this place uses is WAY better! Practically painless comparatively!...

Great news, congrats!

When I went for electrolysis, my doctor prescribed a 5%/5% lidocaine/prilocaine cream which I'd apply to my face starting one hour prior... I'd wash my face, apply a lot and cover with plastic wrap so it doesn't evaporate and stays against the pores. Quite effective but I had to really do it an hour in advance and often added more about 30 minutes before. The goal is to have 100% cream against the skin to numb it.

My doctor was willing to prescribe stronger pills but she said it would require me not to drive until they wore off (or have someone drive me). I opted out of that one but it's good to know it's available.

I personally bought over the counter Kava Kava and took one about 15 mins before my elec session.

I also had a lower pain threshold after starting HRT... I hear that's not uncommon.

For my body I went to laser... they used a lightsheer duet laser which has levels... more powerful is more effective but also more painful. We adjusted the levels up/down each session depending on how I felt.

Oh for either elec or laser... preparation mattered for me... avoiding coffee beforehand helped. Having enough sleep was better than not... or perhaps being really tired/relaxed allowed me to fall asleep, which I did at times, is best... but fatigue where you can't sleep and therefore feel more pain is worse in my opinion.

For me, laser was effective for the body except facial hair. For facial hair, because not all of mine was black, laser wasn't doing much... had to use electrolysis for that.

Best of luck continuing your hair removal. Mind over matter... so much great advice above from others. You can do it... no doubt... some days may be smoother than others but no pain no gain as they say... if you want hair removal, stay focused on that goal even if there are down moments... those down moments won't mean much if you never give up... little by little you'll achieve the removal you're after.