Hi everyone,

This will sound like the whiniest and bitchiest topic I have probably ever made but here it goes. I have been transitioning for awhile, two years now, am 20 and did most with extreme lack of support. My parents accepted it only after I changed my name. Long story, short, they are paying for SRS and BA which are scheduled for next Monday 4th September.

Through this process, I did most of it alone by working many jobs to save Money to pay for HRT and clothes. I didnt neeed much else as I was fairly feminine and andro before. So, I have 4 friends from since I was younger who are understanding and accepted quite well. Well, mostly. Things are far from perfect.

I announced these four friends (three girls, one guy) that I'm having SRS. At first they were supportive, but not really encouraging or cheering. More like if it's what you gotta do, do it. But for weeks now they haven't been saying a word to me, or asking anything. I talk to all separately. I'm starting to be really sad because I realize they probably just don't care and I don't feel like talking to them and forcing them to show interest in what's gonna happen. We can't force people, can we? Anyways, I know people have a lot going in their lives and everybody is busy, but I am really disappointed and sad.

I mean, I'm super happy and excited this happening, but people do surprise you a lot. I want to cry a river because I have realized if they are this self-absorved and don't care about it then it's best to move on for goodness' sake. One of them lives in London (I'm from Portugal) and we even met at the supermarket and she didn«t ask anything at all and was like not very interested. Another has acted jealous. So I don't know

Anyone experienced this loss with upcoming SRS?

Hi Aurorasky, I'm sort of new to this and, unlike you, I'm old and have no end of people who only knew the "before" me.  I have decades of history as a male and talking with friends is one of the most difficult challenges we face.  I have had to carefully choose who I come out to and who I don't.  You're correct in your observation that people who have a lot invested in their lives per societal standards will have the hardest time understanding and accepting you.  Oddly enough, some of my friends that sort of surprised me in support were rough, tough biker types.  They said it simply,"I only decide whether you are a friend who would help me if I need it, or not."  Other than that they make no judgements regarding the details.  Would that it were that simple and clear for the rest of society, but then you have to figure that bikers are sort of societal outliers themselves, like a lot of us.  Some of my friends, and I have many levels of friendship, I would actually fear for my safety if they knew.  They are so secure in their ignorance that they wouldn't want to know the truth even if they had the chance.  So it can be heart braking to know that some people are not who you thought they were, but always remember that it's a reflection on them, not you, and don't get angry or upset, but forgive and pity them.  They are missing the chance to know people that can be truly gifted in the insights that they bring by virtue of having feet and eyes and ears and hearts in two worlds.  Never feel alone, we are all with you spiritually, if not physically.  Toni   

They probably don't know how to act, and may be worried that they would offend you by bringing it up.

Or, you know, maybe they just accept you.
The bigger step to many people is you coming out and presenting as your true gender.
They don't bring it up because it's hidden and not not a big deal to them.

Hey there!  Just wanted to drop a note and wish you a speedy and healthy recovery. I wish I could be there to help you, but know that I will be thinking about you on the 4th.  As for the friends -- always remember that in life there are two things you will never have to chase:  true friends and true love 

All my best and ((HUGS)).

Quote from: herekitten on September 01, 2017, 09:34:27 AM
Hey there!  Just wanted to drop a note and wish you a speedy and healthy recovery. I wish I could be there to help you, but know that I will be thinking about you on the 4th.  As for the friends -- always remember that in life there are two things you will never have to chase:  true friends and true love 

All my best and ((HUGS)).

Thanks for this I'm already cheered up. The best thing is going to happen to me very soon. I can't let myself go down

I feel like the best reaction someone could have to any trans related subject is as if nothing was happening at all, like "oh really? cool!" because that means they think of it as something normal and like anything else that could happen to someone. Maybe this is one of those cases?

For a cis person, the whole concept is not really enthralling or even interesting to them, so if they don't get how important it is to you, that's ok. It sounds like they accept you for who you are. Also young adults like yourself often are often caught up in their own lives. So disinterest in the subject from them is likely just that to them this surgery is just something you are doing. It's not something affecting their day to day life so to them it may not seem like a big deal. Doesn't mean they are any less friends to you. Don't assume they have any negative attitudes.

To us here, your surgery is exciting if not a bit jealousy inspiring . We see how important it is because we share that life experience with you.

Wishing you the very best on Monday, dear!

Don't worry about these friends from before, Aurorasky.  Take this as an opportunity to forge ahead with your new life, in which case the fewer people who know the better. 

I have a friend that used to have a gigantic mole on her chin--one of those large, dark and hairy ones--that she absolutely hated. It was impossible for her to cover it up with makeup and a huge source of embarrassment for her.
On the day she told me and a couple other people she was having it removed, we were happy for her and said that it was awesome she could have it done... and then we sort of dropped it because we didn't want to make her feel weird.
She was still herself after the surgery only loads more confident and happy just like you'll be.

Anyway, I know a mole removal doesn't compare to SRS, but the situation is similar to a cisgender person because, for most of them, the surgery is about as scintillating as the mole example.
Also, I agree with others that have said they may be downplaying its significance because they already accept you and just see it as part of a larger process.

If it counts, I'm excited as hell for you.

Just now I was wondering about your surgery and it's tomorrow. :O Wish everything goes great for you.