Ugh guys. I've been presenting female today (something I only started doing recently, maybe every other day on average), and it just sucked. I don't expect to pass even a cursory glance, but I'm clearly not a cisgender man, clearly trying to be female, and so I rely on people's kindness and basic respect. Which, unfortunately, was thin on the ground today. As I walked into the ladies' in a pub, this woman stopped short in front of me, confrontationally. I knew she was about to say something. I couldn't meet her eye, I just scurried past her. Why do people have to be cruel? Why can't people separate our identity from the crap we were born with? I wish I'd stood up to her.

Anyway, since then (and all day, to be honest) I've been feeling like some lumbering, graceless giant, an incurably masculine oaf with clown feet, lumberjack hands and a brow-ridge the size of the Eiffel Tower. I'm six foot bloody two. My hands are enormous. My feet are size 12. And I've done my research, no more than 1 in 200 women is equal to 6 foot, so 6'2 is just not something that happens. Just telling myself I'm the same height as Maria Sharapova doesn't help when I realise that she's one woman on the face of the Earth.

Can anyone help? Can big women be graceful? (I mean, of course they can, I'm not a misogynist, but obviously the real question is, can I...) Is anyone here a giant lady too? Can you learn to be less self-conscious when you're in the ladies' and you're half a foot taller than everyone else?

Sorry for the rant. I needed it =/ Just add your own rants about cis women oppressing us if you like.

L x

I'm 5'10"...and was so conscious of my height early on. I don't recall how I got over it, just realized one day there are lots of tall people...whether men or women. Each passing day/week/month  I just became less self conscious until the point where I didn't even notice.
As for shoes, I stopped wearing heels. They added to my woes, so year two I decided I'd wear hiking shoes, flip flops, and sneakers. Last time I wore heels was almost 5 years ago.
My hands? Never thought of them. Never worried about them. Are they big? I don't know...really don't care.

I guess what I'm saying, early transition, you'll fret over everything, be critical of every aspect. I believe as time goes on, you care less and less.

Careful you must be when judging aspects of yourself that cannot be changed. That gets very depressing very fast. I suppose one has to find a way to move gracefully without looking like they're trying too hard which is going to take some trial and error. I'm 5 ft 10 with a lump on my head, and I've never been to the ladies toilet yet but what you describe being taller than everyone there - lets all be thankful there are no urinals there! And that it's not a social expectation to use one! This way one can go in and out, all business. No staying around to chat or look in the mirror or anything like that.  It may get awkward when all the stalls are full, but still I would say don't be afraid to come back later and minimize your time out in the open when in the ladies toilet if you're feeling really self conscious.

Two words for you, my dear:  Caitlyn Jenner.  She is six foot two, big shoulders, big hands and feet, and does she look the least bit nonpassable or masculine?  Just google some photos and videos of her.

I am sometimes passable and sometimes not, depending on how my beard shadow is doing against the onslaught of continuing laser treatments, whether I can get my voice working right, and whether people notice my hands and feet -- which were made for a man six feet tall, but I am only five foot seven, and they looked huge on me even before transition.

I do have one very unfair advantage -- I have been growing bonsai trees for more than twenty years, which gives me a lot of experience in manipulating perception and creating visual illusion using living material.  And that is precisely what I do in order to make myself passable, or if not passable, feminine looking enough to be treated well.

I use big hair to make my head look smaller and my shoulders look narrower.  I use contouring makeup on my face to hide the brow ridges and fine tune the apparent shape of my nose.  I wear shoes with heels because they decrease the apparent size of my feet -- and they are never tight because if they are a little loose they make my feet look smaller.  I wear bright nail polish to distract from the size of my hands.  Every small piece of your presentation matters.

I have also learned that if I put on a boob show I am far more likely to get gendered female.  So if getting gendered right is critical, out come the push up bras and the V necks.

Finally your manner -- if you carry yourself in a feminine enough manner, speak and act feminine, you will be seen as feminine.

Here is the kicker -- my cisgender younger sister is 5 feet 11 and 3/4 inches tall -- just under six feet.  Her hands are almost as large as mine, and her arms are larger.  Yet she is never gendered male no matter how shlumpy she dresses.  This tells me that size matters very little.  There are lots of little cues people read to gender you.  Work on those cues.  I've been going out publicly for more than a year, and I still get clocked sometimes.  It takes a lot of work, and you have to sweat the details.  So be analytical, have fun with it, and keep us posted.

I too am a gentle giant.  6'2"+ and 220 lbs (100kg). I went to my appt today to get my estrogen pellets. My vehicle ran out of gas. Had to walk to the gas station,  buy a gas can, and get gas. Generally bad start to the day. When I returned to get more gas,  these two women started laughing hysterically behind the counter. Yes, I'm not remotely close to passing, but that was rude. But I kept my composure, paid for my purchase, and walked out with my head held high. I'm just being myself. If they can't accept it, that's their problem. More than likely I'll never see them again. They're insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

As far as being more graceful,  try finding a cisgender female friend that would be willing to help. As teenagers, girls do this all the time!  Sleepovers! That's how they learn so many things like fashion, makeup, hair, etc.

While you are out and about, ignore people around you. If you walk around fearful and paranoid of their reactions you will look more suspicious, and will in turn draw more attention. Most people are too caught up in their own life to pay attention to you.

You may get laughed at or pointed at. It happens. You can't let them get to you. After my appointment I had lunch with a female friend and the lady taking my order was super sweet. She used "sir" once, but quickly apologized and corrected herself. She continued to be super nice and polite. I wanted to get mad after the gas station incident, but I let it go when she apologized.

If confronted like you were, be polite and just say excuse me. "Kill them with kindness" the saying goes. I know its not always easy, but if you don't let them get under your skin they'll never get the best of you (that's what bullies aim to do).

Best of luck and remember, you're just the Queen of the Amazons!

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I'm 1.83m, which is about 6 feet, and overall big. I pass most of the time. It's mostly about attitude and presence.
Can you be graceful? Yes, but you have to find your own grace. Don't expect to be as a tiny 1.50m girl, that's probably not going to happen. Still you can be graceful as a big girl.

I am 6-2, 215 pounds. Size 12 women's shoe. My breasts are a B cup and I can not hide them easily any more. It is hard. I have come to the conclusion that I must proceed in my transition. The only other choice I have is to stop the hormones and detransition. But that would probably result in suicide. I current present male with a little bit of femme showing. I get gel mani and pedis every 2 weeks. Wear jewelry and the only thing male I wear is to shirts and shorts. All I am saying is you are not alone. Only thing I worry about is my height. But it's not my main worry. My main worry is my face. Until I'm done with hair removal it sucks. Just remember your not alone. Pm me if you need to rant more. We are all here for you.


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Quote from: CarlyMcx on August 31, 2017, 07:40:32 PMThere are lots of little cues people read to gender you.  Work on those cues.

+1 for above statement.

Size is not a problem if the fast-react gender cues are correct. Order is debatable --- 1) have breasts, 2) lack of beard stubble or dark facial hair, 3) effeminate head hair/wig or natural, 4) lack of arm, leg hair, 5) effeminate clothes and accessories -- wear a purse and jewelry, 6) effeminate posture, body language. 7) Voice ... this is optional, since when presenting you don't always have to speak.

Plenty of big, sexy cis-girls out there. No reason you can't blend in with them.

I am 6'2" and weigh 195 pounds.  I have size 13 feet and I no longer have an issue being misgendered.  I am only 2 1/2 years into transition and was pretty rough when I started out.  The one thing that helped me initially was the fact that I didn't care what others thought.  I am a woman and I acted like it.  I wasn't afraid to to into those spaces I was legally allowed to go into.  It helped me that I was able to get my legal documentation changed only 2 months after starting HRT.  I was full time a little over 3 months into my transition and legally female so I just went where I wanted.  Interesting thing was no one ever tried to stop me.  I got some looks of confusion from people and misgendered every now and then but it was clear to everyone that I was female.  I also learned early on to not worry about my height.  I have 2 daughters who are almost as tall as I am and a couple of nieces as well.  Height is one of those things you can't really change about yourself.  So own it and embrace it.  I wear heels almost every day.  With my standard 3 inch heels I am almost 6'5".  Frequently I am the tallest person in the room.  I don't care and in fact I love it.   It is possible to blend in as a tall female, I do it every day.

Quote from: I Am Jess on August 31, 2017, 08:41:51 PM
I am 6'2" and weigh 195 pounds.  I have size 13 feet and I no longer have an issue being misgendered.  I am only 2 1/2 years into transition and was pretty rough when I started out.  The one thing that helped me initially was the fact that I didn't care what others thought.  I am a woman and I acted like it.  I wasn't afraid to to into those spaces I was legally allowed to go into.  It helped me that I was able to get my legal documentation changed only 2 months after starting HRT.  I was full time a little over 3 months into my transition and legally female so I just went where I wanted.  Interesting thing was no one ever tried to stop me.  I got some looks of confusion from people and misgendered every now and then but it was clear to everyone that I was female.  I also learned early on to not worry about my height.  I have 2 daughters who are almost as tall as I am and a couple of nieces as well.  Height is one of those things you can't really change about yourself.  So own it and embrace it.  I wear heels almost every day.  With my standard 3 inch heels I am almost 6'5".  Frequently I am the tallest person in the room.  I don't care and in fact I love it.   It is possible to blend in as a tall female, I do it every day.

This is why I come to this site. Advice like this. I hope one day I can be like this. One day is getting close. There are 2 things I can't hide anymore.


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Me too


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I'm 6'5¼", 260 lbs, a size 14/16, women's size 13W shoe. So no your not too big. It takes time and proper mannerisms, voice, and confidence goes a long way. It's been over 3 years since I've been misgendered by anyone who didn't know me before I transition.

The tallest cis woman I've ever met in person is Lindsaey Hayward who is 6'9" and has been on TLC's my giant life. I talked with her for several minutes and she also had broader shoulders than me too.

Just to prove a point, my cisfemale baby sister is 6' tall.  She walks like she owns the world.

Walk like you are the hottest woman in the world, and ignore the haters.  Chances are, you'll never see them again anyways.

Ryuichi

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I am 6'2", size 13 woman's shoe. My maximum weight was 203 pounds but I am currently about 166 pounds. While other issues may have betrayed me, my body hasn't. I have walked through large stores, and other gatherings of people and never drew a stare. I don't even think I have had a child ask if I was a boy or a girl and the are one of the most difficult audiences to please.

Quote from: CarlyMcx on August 31, 2017, 07:40:32 PM
She is six foot two, big shoulders, big hands and feet, and does she look the least bit nonpassable or masculine?

I suppose it depends on what you mean by passable, but yes she does.  So do many of us.

There are two paths you can walk as a trans woman.  One holds that you need to do everything possible to be indistinguishable from cis females.  Simply being recognized as transgender is seen as defeat.  The second holds that being transgender is ok.  People on this path still feel stung by misgendering, but aren't as prone to take it as personal failure.

In my experience most misgendering is accidental.  It needs to be corrected, but not mourned.  Some is intentional and needs to be called out as bigotry.  Overall though, people are getting used to us, and it is getting better.  The trajectory of public opinion is strongly in our favor, even if this is not reflected yet in the halls of power.

If you are on the second path, it suddenly becomes less important that you are 6'2".  It doesn't mean that you are no longer jealous of others--many women are.  I often wish that I weren't 6'3".  Then again, if I don't take it as a matter of personal failure, I can still recognize that being tall has it's advantages.

Quote from: Leila94 on August 31, 2017, 07:01:43 PM
Ugh guys. I've been presenting female today (something I only started doing recently, maybe every other day on average), and it just sucked. I don't expect to pass even a cursory glance, but I'm clearly not a cisgender man, clearly trying to be female, and so I rely on people's kindness and basic respect. Which, unfortunately, was thin on the ground today. As I walked into the ladies' in a pub, this woman stopped short in front of me, confrontationally. I knew she was about to say something. I couldn't meet her eye, I just scurried past her. Why do people have to be cruel? Why can't people separate our identity from the crap we were born with? I wish I'd stood up to her.

Anyway, since then (and all day, to be honest) I've been feeling like some lumbering, graceless giant, an incurably masculine oaf with clown feet, lumberjack hands and a brow-ridge the size of the Eiffel Tower. I'm six foot bloody two. My hands are enormous. My feet are size 12. And I've done my research, no more than 1 in 200 women is equal to 6 foot, so 6'2 is just not something that happens. Just telling myself I'm the same height as Maria Sharapova doesn't help when I realise that she's one woman on the face of the Earth.

Can anyone help? Can big women be graceful? (I mean, of course they can, I'm not a misogynist, but obviously the real question is, can I...) Is anyone here a giant lady too? Can you learn to be less self-conscious when you're in the ladies' and you're half a foot taller than everyone else?

Sorry for the rant. I needed it =/ Just add your own rants about cis women oppressing us if you like.

L x

Leila

I similarly suffer with my stature as I am 6'5'' tall, likewise with huge feet and hands and until recently weighed 240lbs.   I set myself a target of loosing some weight and dropped approx 40lbs which was transformative in itself.

This, however, was not the biggest change for me.   It was simply accepting that I am just a tall woman (like many others) and all most all  of my outings has been great.  Misgendered sometimes - Yes,  second glances in the street - yes (but I also do it too when I see a tall woman)

Too much of my personal anxiety about going out has been in my own head and the more I have come out as Nikki the easier it becomes. Makeup and how you conduct yourself will achieve far more than you can imagine.    Last summer I managed a meal with a female friend in one of the best/busiest restaurants in Manchester wearing a sleeveless Maxi dress.  Never had I imagined I could pull that off.

It does get easier I promise.  I am now moving towards an inevitable transition and don't see my height/size as a big issue.  The only thing that slows my progress is my social/personal love & responsibility to my wonderful wife (non supportive) and 2 children.

Best wishes
Nikki


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I am above 6" and it bugs the heck out of me. Not because of how others will see me nearly as much as because my sense body is closer to 5'9"-10" and I feel stretched out all the time. My cister is 6 feet tall, looks like a supermodel, and I've seen her rock Vegas in three inch heels because she felt like it, hand in hand with a dude that was like six inches shorter. I'm reasonably sure the stares she got were because she looked hot- I developed a bit of a hyper sense for it during high school because the only somewhat civil thing the vast majority of males would deem to talk to me about was how much they wanted to boink my sister.

A month or so before I began HRT I was in Fred Meyers to pick up some meds. My partner and I bought some groceries while we were at it, and when we saw that one of the cashiers was a transwoman we hit that line to check out. She was definitely over six feet, probably taller than me, and standing on the little platform she looked even taller. Her breasts were clearly there and so was some dark stubble under her chin. She didn't exactly pass, but anyone who would have misgendered her would have had to be blind- well actually no blind person coild have clocked her.

She was flat-out gorgeous.

And her smile... like, wow. I kinda had an instant girl crush. Voice on point. Her manner almost perfectly feminine and no overacting. She had an excellent sense of style, and she just had this aura about her that these rare humans sometimes have that make them easy to compliment. In short, she made a profoundly positive impression without even trying. Sure, there were the same cues I've got, but on her they were just minor details. It's like you could tell, but her entire aura was so clearly and unquestionably female that those things just sorta slid right out of your vision and it couldn't be bothered to notice. It was absolutely awe-inspiring.

Just walking through that line made me feel a million times better for weeks.

So height doesn't mean a thing. What matters is attitude, effort, manner, presentation, self confidence, knowing how to dress yourself, and most of all transitioning because it makes you feel alive and whole. Everything that actually matters is learnable, and even if you've got no eye for fashion it's easy enough to ask someone who does. Just be willing to listen and take criticism, and it'll save you far more dignity in the future.

The key is to dress like you, rather than an idea of how a woman is supposed to look. Be comfortable for your own reasons and that's the vibe you'll give off.

All these comments are very encouraging to me.  Another 6'2ish womanat the beginning of her journey

Quote from: Ryuichi13 on August 31, 2017, 10:49:10 PM

Walk like you are the hottest woman in the world, and ignore the haters.  Chances are, you'll never see them again anyways.

This. At >6ft you cannot expect to blend in, so you should look hot, sexy and be 'I own the world' bad ass. People start laughing at you or be rude when the see your insecurity, when your body language tells them it's ok to join _you_ at embarrassing you. Look into the eye, smile gently and friendly, [stop looking into the eye - it's not a tug of war,] tell yourself you have same rights to live your life and be respected as anyone else.

If Lavern Cox can pull it off as a big woman, so can you. www.lavernecox.com Always remember no matter what, you're "beautiful in your own way", which is a line from Lady Gaga's 'Born this Way". Sending good vibes your way!