Well kids.
Many of you know who I am many don't.  But I love Susan's BTW. Susan's helped me navigate transition. I was able to talk to others like me.  Learn from others about transition and their experiences.

My very first post on Susan's was scary. I said in the post I don't know where this is taking me yet. In other words I was not sure if I would transition.

I think though that I knew it was time. I certainly wanted to that is for sure.  I could not get on Estrogen fast enough. 

Its odd to look back at those days. They seem like so long ago.  I have to think to remember how long ago it was that I started. I think I am  coming up on 4 years now in November or December.

So anyway, I have fully transitioned.  Looking back now I would say for me the worst part of transition was and is facial hair removal.

Expensive and hurts like hell.  I did FFS and did body shaping and got the bottom surgery.

I was fortunate to have good results from that. The bottom surgery was a blast actually..

I went to Thailand for that and met lifetime friends and I loved every minute of it.. I would love to go back one day.

I kid people and say I am a Thai girl.. and truth is part of me was born there.  So I consider it a new birthday.

So I have been full time 2.5 years now I suppose..  When it comes to behavior being a female was something I took to with ease.  I had men say how the hell do you do that.. and I just say I am being exactly who I have always been.. A girl.. and I am free baby.

It is at times like the twilight zone. Seriously.  I think I feel most female in the morning when I wake up and look in the mirror. Its like are you kidding me.. those hormones really work.

Then I get into the work of the day and just forget it all together.  But not always.  There are times when you have to reflect on who you were.  But that person you were gets further and further away everyday.  No one sees you at all as you were. Sometimes I think well I have not changed that much but I have changed a lot.  And not just my looks. I am an entirely different person.

I am very very girly.  And I am natural. I flirt and tease guys.  Guys are just guys now.

My perspective on men has changed of course.  You think you know men before you change or at least that is what everyone says.. like oh you sure have to know men right?? I  was always like no... I never really was one.

And here is the interesting part. You never really did know men while being a woman.  I find men to be very interesting. They love women in a way I would never know if I had not  changed.. So now I know men... LOL.. do I know them.. Horny little devils.. LOL.

So life is just life.

I miss my spouse so much. I know her still and we are still family. But learning to be alone sucks. I get depressed at times and I cry.  I miss raising my family and although I do have a loving relationship with my kids I still get lonely.

I was married 32 years so I was used to having someone to dream with.  I had a good marriage but this ended it and I understood what I was doing.

To fill my time I decided to learn how to sing.. I never thought I would be good at it in fact was scared to death to try. I am really getting good now and I also play the guitar.. So I sing and play.
I am also taking acting lessons just to do some stage stuff and meet people.

I can't sit still.. I always have to be doing something. Life is too short to waist so I inhale life ... its a miracle to be alive.

Anyway, so I just want to say if you transition don't expect to be who you were or expect others to treat you the same. You get treated like a woman by women which means less respect from them and from men.

Life is harder as a woman. much harder.  But I would not trade it for anything. Especially make up.. LOL.

The thing the helped me the most was family support and therapy. Therapy is the most important thing you can do for yourself and should be a big part of any transition.

You have to know what you are doing and make the best educated decision you can. And that takes a lot of introspection. 

When it gets hard, really hard I can look back at the process and I realize I made the right decision to transition. There is give and take. Your happier in one area but your problems are still there.  You just have a different set of issues to deal with in life.

Mostly I love not wanting to be something.. I am me now and that is all I want.. to be real.. and I am.

Love ya

Thank you for that, it was an enlightening read! I'm still at the very beginning of everything, unsure what I'm going to do or how it will turn out, but some of what you said played to some of my hopes. Most importantly that in the end, it was worth it.

Though I'm already there on knowing I don't understand men, just as you said. Even among my fellow nerds (not exactly the usual womanizing crowd) I felt like an interloper when they would talk about women. It made me extremely uncomfortable and I just couldn't relate to their mindset. I vividly remember one time in particular when a friend was bragging about his experiences at a boarding school around the age of 13, it just didn't make sense to me at all.

Quote from: Itsdone on August 31, 2017, 08:41:49 PM
Mostly I love not wanting to be something.. I am me now and that is all I want.. to be real.. and I am.

I'm 9 months post op and going on 2 years full time. I consider my transition complete. Things have gone rather well and I am a woman now.

But your statement really sums things up.  "I love not wanting to be something" So powerful, I can't describe how good that feels.

Quote from: Charley on September 01, 2017, 12:14:40 PM
I'm 9 months post op and going on 2 years full time. I consider my transition complete. Things have gone rather well and I am a woman now.

But your statement really sums things up.  "I love not wanting to be something" So powerful, I can't describe how good that feels.

I know Charley
Dreams do come true.  I certainly wish I were younger so I could enjoy being real for a longer time but at least I fulfilled my destiny and I am not afraid to die now. I just love life and want to enjoy what time I have. Its really a blessing in so many ways. I feel lucky to have been trans..how many people get to experience this and live two lives in one..

Thanks for your insight! I really appreciate it as well since I'm also starting and already having so many doubts...The future seems scary but I see rays of hope here and there.

Very interesting to read. What interests me most would be how is getting friends different to before.

Quote from: myraey on September 01, 2017, 06:09:04 PM
Very interesting to read. What interests me most would be how is getting friends different to before.

Ok so I have a lot of friends now. More than I ever did before.. Being real to people is refreshing for most. Not everyone is going to get it unless they are trans. Women love me and I have lots of old classmates that I hang with and know.  Men that I knew before have their minds blown although they are nice to me but in shock.. LOL. Men I did not know before chase me... and that is something I never thought would happen ..

Guys are guys period..
I don't have guy friends because they want more than to be a friend..if you know what I mean.  Unless they are gay and that is cool they don't want me. 

So it depends how you go about it.. I am very social and am working to be an entertainer because I love to sing but I don't have a lot of time for friends because I work so hard on music.

I led a sheltered life before.. I was married 32 years.. so I am like an alien that just got to earth .. and have the mind of a kid and a body of a middle aged woman but whatever.. I will do the best I can.

I am an unusual case to be honest and anyone who has met me will tell you that.. I am a pretty much get out of my way I am going to rule the world girl......

And I certainly did not think that would happen...
Good luck any other questions let me know and I will try to get on here more often.. 

I know that your successes in transition helped to focus my decisions and allowed me to be able to get through my complete transition in about 18 months.  Part of the reason I continue to post here is to repay the debt I feel I owe you and the others on this site for helping me get to the place I am in my life.  I have no desire to go stealth, nor could I really because I am still working at the same place I have for 29 years (with 6-9 more years to go).  I really want those coming behind me to have a source of inspiration like I had in you.    Good luck in your future endeavors.  It makes me sad that I'm no longer able to have you as a resource.   

Quote from: I Am Jess on September 06, 2017, 06:51:21 PM
I know that your successes in transition helped to focus my decisions and allowed me to be able to get through my complete transition in about 18 months.  Part of the reason I continue to post here is to repay the debt I feel I owe you and the others on this site for helping me get to the place I am in my life.  I have no desire to go stealth, nor could I really because I am still working at the same place I have for 29 years (with 6-9 more years to go).  I really want those coming behind me to have a source of inspiration like I had in you.    Good luck in your future endeavors.  It makes me sad that I'm no longer able to have you as a resource.

Hi Jess.. miss ya girl.. and thank you.. your an inspiration to me girl.. I love your love of life.. I know we will meet one day.. I will end up in CA next year touring in a class B RV doing solo gigs...  So I plan to be in your area for a few months.. I will tour all the way up and down the coast...   I am going to try to post on here some..  Do you have my email.. if not let me know and I will get it to you.. I did not want to lose contact with ya.