I'm 57yrs. young now, but I've known I was a girl on the inside since I was 5. I've always felt like a women in hiding, I'm built like one to. About the only thing male in me is about 1 foot of my lower body, including pelvis. Now that I'm in transition many old thoughts that I repressed have come back so now I know why I've leaped off the waterfall! As soon as I got hold of some women's clothes for me I cant stand to wear my old ones. I now have no choice but to live RLE, in my heart I can never go back! I don't want ever go back. I even carry a purse, no pockets anymore! But I was wondering how often does this happen? It seems too quick but I'm looking for a spot where I at least 'sort of' pass so I can slow down. How many of you have 'leaped over the waterfall' like this, and does it hamper you later? I'm wondering because the future is a little scary from here!

I started living full time the day after I came out.  I was 57 too.  One day I had a beard. The next day it was gone and I was dressing as my preferred gender full time.  I had waited long enough.  I lived full time for the next 6 months and then started HRT.  Back then I got misgendered.   A LOT.   That was rough but it provided me with an important metric to gauge how others viewed me as I progressed in my transition.  It also allowed me to realize that being misgendered hurts but I learned I could take it and that it was NOT GOING TO STOP ME.  Looking back I wouldn't have done it any differently.   A little over a year ago one day I gave every single shred of male clothing to the second hand store.  It feels fantastic to be able to do a load of laundry and not have a single item of male attire in the entire load.   I had crossed the Rubicon and I haven't looked back.  For me tho the social dysphoria of living as a man was always worse than the physical dysphoria which HRT also greatly eased.

It absolutely didn't hamper me in any way whatsoever later on down the road.  I found that one thing just leads to the other and I have no regrets about any of it at all.

Hi Dani,

It is quite a place to be, can't go back, don't know how to go forward. This place is both very scary and so exciting at the same time. I am twelve years ahead of you as far as age goes and I have only realized my gender disconnect of two and a half years. I have been living full time for nearly a year now and was half to three quarters out for closer to two years.

When I decided to go full time, effectively begin RLE, I had run into the wall of "I am a woman", and for me at that point I could no longer live pretending to be a man. To do this (transition) I needed to have several things set up and working; a strong support system consisting of my wife and several good friends that I knew had my back (and have proven it many times when things got tough), a strong spiritual faith, a good relationship with my gender therapist, a safe environment and community to live amongst. It also certainly helped to have good information resources available and friends to reach out to, Susan's and the members here are a key part of that for me. Some degree of financial security plays a role as well. Many here have a different needs list but this is what is getting me through. Your needs list will vary and I suggest that you locate a good gender therapist to help you map out your journey ahead.

By the way, while transitioning to my true self has had a high emotional cost and loss of many dear friends, I would not trade a bit of it for what I have gained. No way would I consider going back.

Best of luck with your transition.

Another way it can hamper you is if you go full-time at work before you've got the financing to complete your transition, only to lose your job.  That's a pretty difficult vicious circle to escape from.

Hi Dani,

At age 52 all the stuff I had put on the back burner of my life was boiling over and demanding my full attention... I finally realized what had been going on with me all my life and my decision to transition was almost on the spot... Like you I was anxious to get the show on the read and I started full time RLE outside of work the same month I started HRT... I worked four 10 hour days as a bomb technician a week leaving 3 days and after work hours to immerse myself in my new life... I began scheduling my surgeries at the same time as well!!!...

I had waited long enough to start my real life so I wasn't ready to wait any longer... I had finally seen the beautiful world outside my prison walls and wasn't about to go back in the cage...I didn't want to spend years waiting for some moment when I felt like okay now I pass 100% of the time to 100% of the people... If I had waited for that... I would still be waiting instead of living the most amazing years of my life!!!

Onward we go brave sister!!!

Ashley 😀❤️🌻

I went full time years before I pursued legal and medical transition.  I don't know how common it is, but there is no wrong way to make the changes.

I don't think it's that unusual.

I think it largely depends on your life circumstances. I quit my last job about a year ago, and since then, I've been basically presenting feminine...I wasn't feeling like I could transition at that last job...

I only just recently started electrolysis, and plan to start on HRT soon. I'm a bit kicking myself that I didn't start both of these a year ago, but I guess I just wasn't ready. I am now. If I ever take another job, it will be as Veronica...

Everyone is on their own timetable. Some people want to enforce a certain schedule, but things do depend on one's circumstances. Delaying certain things forever is not good, but sometimes delaying some things makes a lot of sense.

I got my name change & started at 21... not an oldie here I guess, but I did go full time then too.  Always felt like a girl too since old as I remember anything.  (4 or 5 really).  Of course my story is complex and I won't go into details, but now I"m 43 and very happy

It IS possible to be happy fyi!  Important to remember in the sea of self doubt, anxiety, body image depression, and other issues we all face.

I don't think it's unusual at all. I would have started living full time as soon as I started hrt if I could have. Technically I could have, I had my father's full support, but I was in my last year of high school so I waited until I graduated to start presenting as female. Yes, I was a chicken , but I already had enough problems being the school "->-bleeped-<-" and I thought coming out as trans would just be a bigger nightmare for me. But I think it's great to start living full time right away if you can. Good luck on the rest of your journey.

Hi Dani

I guess most of us do it when we are able to. I am not sure how it could hinder you.

Quote from: Dani2118 on August 31, 2017, 09:35:41 PM
I'm 57yrs. young now, but I've known I was a girl on the inside since I was 5. I've always felt like a women in hiding, I'm built like one to. About the only thing male in me is about 1 foot of my lower body, including pelvis. Now that I'm in transition many old thoughts that I repressed have come back so now I know why I've leaped off the waterfall! As soon as I got hold of some women's clothes for me I cant stand to wear my old ones. I now have no choice but to live RLE, in my heart I can never go back! I don't want ever go back. I even carry a purse, no pockets anymore! But I was wondering how often does this happen? It seems too quick but I'm looking for a spot where I at least 'sort of' pass so I can slow down. How many of you have 'leaped over the waterfall' like this, and does it hamper you later? I'm wondering because the future is a little scary from here!

You always have a choice with RLE that's why its called that...its the opportunity for you to find out for yourself wether this is what you want. For myself it was not as I had imagined it would be, some of transition is happiness and joy but unfortunately not all of it. Learning to present yourself in your true gender every day and under all circumstances can be a difficult but rewarding process. You will learn quickly where your strengths are and how to make the most of them.

I went through a period of about 18 months where I slowly shifted my appearance from male to more female and then I just couldn't do male anymore and went fulltime. One thing I did do was ensure my name was changed before I went fulltime to make sure there was no identity issues.

Enjoy your swim at the foot of the waterfall...

In the UK it's very common to transition socially before starting HRT.  The NHS GICs generally won't prescribe hormones until you have taken that step and are living as your true self

For me, I would love to be as brave as others and just leap right in but have various affairs that need to be put in order first (mostly business but some family ones too).  On the plus side this time has given me a chance to get a head start with hair removal and private HRT which will hopefully make passing a little bit easier when the time comes

I started HRT prior to going full-time, but only by three months.  I couldn't transition fast enough.  I am 62, so I have "wasted" most of my life in the wrong gender.  (Okay, it wasn't a total waste, but I'm sure you know what I mean.)  I feel like I have no time to waste.

Sure, it would have been nicer to have completed facial hair removal before transitioning socially.  But you play the cards you are dealt, and figuring myself out this late in life meant I just wanted to get on with it. 

Yes, there are down sides.  Going out unshaved three days a week (electrolysis prep) is dysphoric and not fun.  But I own it.  I am a proud trans woman, and everyone who knows me knows it.  I don't mind if a few strangers figure it out too.

I did give myself time to acquire a reasonable wardrobe, take speech lessons, and start growing breasts.

You're far from alone.  Many people jump straight into presenting properly, and then there's wimps like me who take our time.  I very much envy those with the self confidence to just go for it. 

Quote from: Dani2118 on August 31, 2017, 09:35:41 PM
Now that I'm in transition many old thoughts that I repressed have come back so now I know why I've leaped off the waterfall! As soon as I got hold of some women's clothes for me I cant stand to wear my old ones. I now have no choice but to live RLE, in my heart I can never go back! I don't want ever go back. I even carry a purse, no pockets anymore! But I was wondering how often does this happen? It seems too quick but I'm looking for a spot where I at least 'sort of' pass so I can slow down. How many of you have 'leaped over the waterfall' like this, and does it hamper you later? I'm wondering because the future is a little scary from here!

Hi Dani,

This is the other Dani! 

We are all different. Present as you wish and I wish you the best.

For myself, my presentation was second or even third on my "to do " list. For me, "being" was most important. HRT and electrolysis came before female specific clothes. Yes, I own a few purses. I bought them because sometimes I do dress up and I need a purse for those occasions. Most often, you can find me in shorts and t-shirt or a wet suit with a scuba tank on my back! 

Thank you all! You've really helped! For me it's been everything I ever though it would be. One thing that's helped me more than anything is being a 'momma's boy'. When she went to the store, I went to. When she went to her friends, I went to. I learned sooo much from her and never realized it. She accidentally taught me how be a woman! I just wish she was still here to thank her. I was worried that I was going to fast, but I guess not!!!