Hey everybody!
I never thought transition will be that hard, i always thought that i will just starting T..change...and everything will be fine...don't get me wrong i'm so happy with the changes i have till now...but what really makes me misirable is the inside changes not th physicale ones..i'm so lost i don't know who i'm no more..i don't mean my gender i mean the guy i'm..one of the big changes i noticed and it's really make me so angry , is about relations...before staring T i was that guy that women will die to talk to...i never had a problem dating a woman..i was that guy that will do nothing but still catch a woman eye...but now after T i feel i'm turning to a big geek...everything changes...i was in 2 relations..it was hell...
what i noticed is..
its not that easy to get a woman like before T ( women will not talk to me like it was before T i mean they will not throw them selves on you and even if they want you they will show it differently)
they will notice your personallity more than your looks ..
they will take you so serious ( before T i can say or act or do whatever i want front of a woman and everything will be just fine but now i feel they just notice everything and she will tell you how to act)
i growed up hearing that boys should respect women , never hit or scream to a woman and also treat her so nice cause you are the guy ) and i believed it , but i found out it's a lie...if you are nice they will not like you...( after T i always hear that i'm too nice and its not attractive) i didn't knew being nice is a bad and unatractive thing !!!!
also if she says black you have to say white and never agree with her in a thing if you tell her.. her opinions was right then she will see you as a sheap !!!
i'm complettly lost guys...i think all that cause of my changes , i mean they can feel my presence as a man not like before while i'm not on hormones yet !! i have no idea what to do with women i have no idea how to act front of them after T ..or what they really want from a guy...is being nice reallly a bad thing? why women always go for jerks and bad men ? should i be a criminal so they like me !!!!! i hope you give me some advices ... i never imagine i will have this problem i can't believe hat i turned from the guy every women wants to this...!! help a bro ! WHAT KIND OF MEN WOMEN WANTS!

Some of it might be where you are looking for women. In bars they are looking for excitement and adventure. Church, volunteer work or more structured social groups are more likely to have women who are looking for a steady mate and not somebody living on the edge. Dating when you are young is a women game because women have a number of men hoping to gain the attention of the women. Aging changes the game as women start greatly outnumber men and the men lose some of their desire to play the dating game.

I suggest you consider carefully where you are attempting to form a relationship and I think you will find the one you are after.

Here's the thing about nice guys: There's such a thing as too nice or even creepy nice. If a woman thinks you're coating everything in sugar for her just to get laid, it's not going to fly over well. And honestly, in a lot of cases, the guy ends up inadvertently becoming a pushover from bending over backwards so much. It's unattractive. It's even more unattractive when the 'nice guys' start to whine because they're not getting any tail or emotional attention as it comes off as very infantile.

There is such a thing as being gentlemanly while still maintaining structural integrity.

Women are very complex and tend to be multi-faceted when it comes to their mental and emotional needs.
Super nice? Boring.
Super dickish? No long term (and in many cases, no short term) interest.
Super anything? Too excessive or dull.

Attracting and capturing a woman's long-term interest is a balancing act between intensity and grace.
When I speak of intensity, of course, I'm speaking of passion. Not necessarily romantic passion, either: passion for your principles, passion for your beliefs and convictions, passion for your endeavors, etc.
No woman wants a chump with no opinions of his own and no direction in life.
Have you ever spoken to someone that responded in pathetic one-liners no matter what topic was broached? Someone that's still the same d*mn person they were in HS despite having years of life under their belts? Someone that just agrees with whatever you say because they want to appease you? Someone that's the definition of stagnant both mentally and emotionally?
Those types of people are boring as friends, let alone romantic partners.
A woman has to know you have something other than her going on in your life, you know? She's important, absolutely, but you're your own man. A healthy relationship between two individuals should look like two broken pieces being seamlessly glued together as equal yet separate parts. You have to bring things to the table that keep her engaged, point blank.

As far as the grace aspect is concerned, I'm referring to simple but poignant behaviors: respecting others, holding open doors, genuinely listening, knowing when to be firm and when to be compassionate, being helpful to others, etc.
Being nice is not only fine, it's a necessity. It just can't be the only thing because there's a hell of a lot more that goes into the cocktail.

Think of it in the long term. If you have to change your preferred behavior for a woman, can you keep the act up for the rest of your life? Act as you do, eventually someone will come to you. Branch out in settings like clubs, lgbt groups, work, etc. I've never gotten a significant other by seeking one out. It always just...happens. I think you're trying too hard?

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Quote from: amells on September 03, 2017, 09:53:22 PM
Think of it in the long term. If you have to change your preferred behavior for a woman, can you keep the act up for the rest of your life? Act as you do, eventually someone will come to you. Branch out in settings like clubs, lgbt groups, work, etc. I've never gotten a significant other by seeking one out. It always just...happens. I think you're trying too hard?

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Don't be mean to women, but don't fall over yourself trying to be "nice" all the time.

Women usually want a guy who can be tough when he has to be, and being an overly-agreeable pushover isn't conducive of that. Or, the overeager to please individual smacks of desperation, which turns women off like a light.

They'll likely find the bad boy or the aloof guy more appealing than that.

As has already been said, women tend to go for guys who have more going on than being desperate to get a girl. What's even more attractive than a bad boy is a guy who is "his own man". He's not disrespectful or mean but does have his own boundaries and dignity and won't act like a performing seal just because he wants something. And that includes maintaining his standards and dignity even when he's interested in a woman.

I'm pretty average looking, decent job, very independent, decent personality but super opinionated which can come off as jerkish if we don't agree. I also don't go looking for dates or relationships - if they don't develop organically, I'm not interested in expending effort on them. I've never had trouble getting dates pre or post-T.

Do you really want to end up with any of these girls that you're describing? Obviously every woman wants something a little bit different in a partner, and there's no one way to be that's going to get you more success in dating. It's really not worth changing who you are to make someone interested. Would you rather put on a charade for the rest of your life, or be alone until the right person comes along?