I'm getting close to transitioning into living as a woman and I've been so terrified of so many things.

I've been on HRT for about three years and I have a feminine figure.  I'm very sure that my body will be completely passable. My face is okay, but I'm very afraid about that. I have brow bossing and other male cues.

I've done no voice training and I was VERY worried about this.

I know so many of you live as you truly are and I want to do that too, but I'm so afraid.

If you have a male sounding voice, what kind of reactions have you had from people who may think that you're female until you speak? Do people ever say cruel things? Do they ever laugh at you? Do they ever get violent?

Please give me examples of your experiences with the voice issue.

I don't have a deep voice, but it's surely male. I'm afraid that even if I train my voice, that I will feel like a fake. I really want FFS and voice surgery, but realistically, that's not going to happen anytime soon because I have no income.

For many year my trained voice was still midrange male. If I was presenting strong feminine with skirt and makeup, I was normally gendered female. If my presentation wasn't strong, I might be gendered male at times. I never had problems with somebody becoming physical or verbal about it. Possibly this is because there  are women who have a masculine voice naturally or as the result of medical treatment.

Speech therapy isn't expensive however if you are unable to afford it, youtube may help and we are more than willing to help you in the voice forum. It takes practice to get a voice down but unless your starting voice is very low, you should be able to produce a feminine sounding voice.

What kind of reactions did you notice, Dena?

I guess I'm just afraid.

Well, I recommend you start working on your voice. It's not hard, but it takes some time. Don't worry if you have an extremely low voice, you'll give the feminine impresion with modulation and resonance. Your tone is the least important aspect in my experience.

You can still be gendered female if you give other strong female aspects, like clothes, makeup, hairstyle...

I strongly recommend training your voice before considering voice surgery. There are lots of excercises you can do in youtube and other internet sites. Start doing them, and and you'll be able to achieve a very feminine voice. You'll have to work ... but with practice it'll eventually come out naturally.

I guess what I'm asking is, what has been your experience of how people have reacted  when your voice gave you away?

How do they handle it? How did you handle it?

The only one was misgendering. Calling me sir when it should be ma'am. Other than that I received normal service or they treated me just like anybody else. People for the most part are not going to make a big issue out of it and I never felt that my personal safety was at risk. Included in this is the fact I worked many years as phone support. They were far more interested in the fact that I was able to fix their problems than the fact I had a female name with a male sounding voice.

I had quite a male voice when I transitioned and I was also a Lecturer at University so my voice was trained to carry.

To be honest and brutally honest, one thing I was never picked up was my voice. I have recordings of it and people here have heard me. It was quite masculine.

It is also I think confidence thing. I am confident. I own my space. People pick up on that much more than anything.

If someone says a dumb remark when you are out and about you have a choice of not hearing it. Not responding to it. Look at the person as if they must be missing large amounts of meat between the ears and walk away.

I will say something else. I do think this is important.

I do not expect to be misgendered. I know of no cisgender female friend of mine who ever expects to be misgendered. If you expect to be misgendered you may be and it may upset you. If you never expect to be misgendered and you are, then you will never hear it and hence it will not upset you. If someone keeps misgendering you to attract attention your response would be a natural one of utter surprise.

I never hear anyone misgendering me so it just doesn't happen. If you hear someone say something inappropriate they are obviously talking to someone else so I respond in that manner.

Hence, if someone is looking at you saying (for example) "Sir are these your bags?" You just look utterly disinterested as they are obviously not talking to you.
Just mentally place yourself in the same mental view point as any ciswoman would have.

My last comment. You look lovely. Walk out and own your space. Keep a big smile on your face and you will see many women smile back at you and you smile back with your eyes. Men tend not to walk around with a smile on their face as it looks a bit creepy (which is sad), women do because we are wonderful.

I try my best to use my 'head'  voice,  but my pitch drops over time and I have to keep consciously lift it back up.
My job requires me to make video presentations that are published across my company, I don't enjoy watching them back.
Talking with a colleague yesterday,  I commented I felt very aware of my pitch,  but they replied they didn't even notice now.
As others have said,  if you tick enough of the other presentation boxes,  that'll give you quite a bit of leeway on voice. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

I have been lazy about training my voice.  If I am dressed androgynously and have to speak after being gendered female then sometimes the other person says sir but most often they just quit using either sir or ma'am as if they're not sure.  My normal voice is mostly midrange.  Nobody has ever said anything mean although infrequently they look somewhat uncomfortable, probably from just having made what they consider a pronoun mistake.  Most often people are simply friendly and helpful which is one thing that has surprised me in all of this.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I took some voice lessons last fall.  While I have been lazy about practising, I find that the lessons are coming back to me.  I think I have found my "head" voice, and I try to use it as much as I can so it will become my normal speaking voice. 

I realized early on in my voice lessons that getting my base pitch up into the standard female range would be impossible.  All the standard references said I needed to raise my pitch a full octave.  There is no way I could do that without damaging my voice.  I settled for raising it a fifth (a musical term for a particular pitch interval - it corresponds to half an octave), which I could do without strain, and which puts me at the bottom end of the female range.

Intonation and inflection are more important cues than raw pitch.  Think of Laverne Cox - she has a deep voice, but it doesn't sound remotely male.

I present strongly feminine, so I have never been misgendered in person.  I do get misgendered on the phone.

I've never done voice lessons but I don't have a problem passing. I don't have a high voice at all but like Kathy said it's more important how you talk than the pitch of your voice. I was worried about my voice when I first transitioned. My brother has always been very helpful with advice on my transition. He told me that yes my voice was a little deep for a female but that it was ok because I don't talk like a guy or gay guy. I've seen some beautiful trans women on YouTube who were extremely passable but when they started talking they sounded just like a gay guy and that outed them instantly. My brother told me if he ran into a girl like that in public, he wouldn't think they were trans but would think they were just a drag queen. And that's totally not meant as a slam on anyone. It's just a observation.

My grandma has said my voice kind of reminds her of Ertha Kitt. I googled her and she is certainly beautiful but I have no idea what she sounds like. And coming from my grandma it could go either way as an insult or compliment.  I have had guys tell me I have a sexy voice so I guess I don't sound too bad. But when I have the flu or a bad cold I sound like Darth Vader.

It will startle some, it'll offend some, but most won't care. In today's day and age, it's more acceptable than it was. Voice is usually not enough to really get you called out, lack of confidence in your voice is like blood in the water.

I guess more and more since this summer, some people on the street may think I'm female if they don't pay attention, and if I cough (I smoke), or talk to my dog, like just "stay", I noticed that some people around react to that, making me think that up to that moment, they thought I was female. But then they surely notice my other male features. Well the difference in my case is that I don't care to say the least, I totally assume the fact that I'm trans, hybrid, in between, whatever, and I look at them straight in the eye if ever they smile laugh or say: oh or holly something, I look at them straight in the eye and smile, and they usually look away, or either they sustain the exchange and look at my breasts, then my crotch, whatever... I don't care. I know I'm sexy, I can see in their eyes they are puzzled for they do find me a sexy feminine body. It's them having a commotion, not me. So I let them have their commotion, simply assuming the fact that I stand out from the crowd and saying with my eye (if ever they return to that look exchange): am I not sexy? Yep, I'm both, it's cool, you'll get used to it. The real haters may say something or laugh more, but usually not, because there is always, well at least were I live, much more people around who are obviously supportive than haters, and they feel bad, unless they are like two dudes who confort themselves in their hating, but you know what? I don't care and it shows that I'm proud of my legs and tight belly and it defuses any growing conflict, my confidence in myself, that is. It's new, it's only since this summer that I dared going out with my legs that I gained this confidence in myself.

Quote from: gg on September 09, 2017, 03:10:50 AM
I guess what I'm asking is, what has been your experience of how people have reacted  when your voice gave you away?

How do they handle it? How did you handle it?

I see what you're driving at. Some folks just rock on, others have said "I'm sorry, sir" to which I cheerfully reply "Either one works for me, I know that I send mixed signals."

The thing is, you can't control how someone perceives you. You can't control how they treat you. The only thing you can control is your own level of poise, wit, and self confidence. Those three things will be all you need. Not all of us are women, so we don't need to sound like them. You got this, honey. The world is yours, take it.

Hugs, Devlyn

Thank you so much, everyone. All of your comments are very comforting and helpful to me.

I guess I'm worrying too much. It's very hard for me.

I do know that after I came out to two friends, and indirectly, my dad, and everything was perfect. I was worrying for nothing. They still love me and treat me exactly the same.

 Early in my transition I had a child ask me "why do you look like a girl and talk like a boy" I told them that's just the way my voice is and they then went right back to talking about the lizard they were holding.  What they said did really make me very conscious of my voice though, and I have been working on it since then.
I have it to the point that I can talk on the phone and pass most of the time, if they do get it wrong I correct them and they the star using the correct pronouns . I am very confident in public and my demeanor is very feminine so face to face  is not a problem. I am actually more confident and less self conscious now than I ever was presenting as male. 

I can't say for sure. I went full time quickly and voice was so important that I absolutely HAD to get it right.

I say this so often but voice is the one thing that we can all do something about. I can't give you more than the advice that can already be found here, but to tell you how I made it stick. I ONLY used my voice in the last 2 1/2 years. It appears to be much harder for those who go back and forth. I had one one sentence that I had made female from the beginning, actually before going full time. I think that dysphoria drives each of us differently and that is sooo alright, but it makes comparison difficult. Anyway before I came out completely I was pushing hard and when I talked on the phone I had the same answer every time at work. I used that sentence every time before I knew that I had to talk. Still got caught off guard once and a while. That and this might sound stupid but when I started to struggle because it was hard to maintain, I would go from Wicked Witch to Marvin the Martian until I found my voice again.

My voice is just my voice, not the best but it will never out me. Just do it hon, then go back when you realize that you are slipping. It won't take as long as you might think before you have more difficulty going back to your old voice that it is not worth the effort. Then one day you will not be able to  find it no matter how hard you croak. You can do it.

Quote from: Stevie on September 09, 2017, 01:48:49 PM
Early in my transition I had a child ask me "why do you look like a girl and talk like a boy" I told them that's just the way my voice is and they then went right back to talking about the lizard they were holding.  What they said did really make me very conscious of my voice though, and I have been working on it since then.
I have it to the point that I can talk on the phone and pass most of the time, if they do get it wrong I correct them and they the star using the correct pronouns . I am very confident in public and my demeanor is very feminine so face to face  is not a problem. I am actually more confident and less self conscious now than I ever was presenting as male.

Children are the worst. Before I got colored contact lenses I had children ask my why my eyes looked like that. I thought the lenses would put a end to kids comments, then a couple of weeks ago I had a little boy ask me why I was so white. Little house apes....

Quote from: Julia1996 on September 10, 2017, 07:08:47 AM
Children are the worst.

oh nooo, children are the best, not the worst, plz don't say that, I love children, AND all of their questions, they're not fake and I love that. Sorry I just couldn't let this be said like that. Our own lives are not much, children are us. 

I have a deeper then average males voice. A woman in my support group does a great John Wayne imitation. She also does voice work, talking books, for a living. A voice trainer experienced with TG clients is a good place to start, worked great for her.

For me, I tend to get by enough right now living part time. I am also 6ft tall so though it is deep, I guess I get cut some slack. Plus I always make sure to put forward the best most unambiguous female presentation possible.