I don't know how this works. I  started HRT 46 months ago and haven't been able to pass as a man in years. I'm 30ish and stuff, but this is simply not possible for me. It's great and all but I hope I made the right choice cause I can barely recall how to act "manly" and I also date and make love to men. I will have SRS this year. So I'll finally cut the cOrd on my old life once and for all. I do understand the need or desire to not socially transition, but part of me wonders why take HRT if the goal isn't to present female at some point. I'm young though, so yeah. Not 25, but not 35 either. No judgement just inquiring whether some will transition fully in the future? I understand family obligations though and kids, neither of which I have sI that mmakes it easier for me along with not hsaving a cchoice.

The reason for HRT, regardless of what comes after, is to unscrew and unstress the mind to be relaxed and happy.


It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
André Gide, Autumn Leaves

This thread is great. It's a whole different perspective on transitioning. I'm going through a huge moment of confusion, anger, sadness, denial, etc...After starting HRT for 2 months, losing a relationship and going from being super convinced I wanted to transition to absolutely regretting it.

Some people, including my therapist, told me that maybe I needed to get in touch with my feminine side (for example crossdressing or doing more feminine things at home) before starting HRT just so I could see how I felt. I didn't do that, and it didn't really make much sense to me, if anything crossdressing would make me look like a man in a dress and make me feel worse. It's nice to know that there are people like you who started HRT and for whatever reason chose to remain as males and slowly made changes. I feel this is a good approach and might work for me as well.

My choice is to remain "male" outside of home.  Every person has their own path and destination.  I believe that no path or destination is better than another. 

My reasons for HRT and SRS are for my fulfillment and therefore I don't feel that telling my children is necessary.  But that's my choice and no more right or wrong than anyone else.  My Wife supports and embraces transition.  I have no desire to change my sexual orientation but, again, my choice.

I hope I helped your decision.
Desire

I plan on a slow transition. My career is very male oriented, but I love it. I make a decent living and plan on funding the transition with it. Once I make it to FFS I will possibly change jobs in the same field. Depending on how things go.

I have yet to start HRT. My wife just found out about who I really am. We are still working through what that means. As I type this I am sitting, waiting for her to come home as see me dressed as me for the first time.

I use to think why people would want to do that , but after being on HRT going on 4 years I still do both modes.

Quote from: Deborah on January 08, 2017, 04:27:25 PM
The reason for HRT, regardless of what comes after, is to unscrew and unstress the mind to be relaxed and happy.

So True, and I think this is exactly Why I started.

Quote from: Desire on September 08, 2017, 08:46:58 PM
My choice is to remain "male" outside of home.  Every person has their own path and destination.  I believe that no path or destination is better than another. 

My reasons for HRT and SRS are for my fulfillment and therefore I don't feel that telling my children is necessary.  But that's my choice and no more right or wrong than anyone else.  My Wife supports and embraces transition.  I have no desire to change my sexual orientation but, again, my choice.

I hope I helped your decision.
Desire

So you still present male, but had SRS?  I'd be lying, if I never thought of that possibility...

I was on hrt for a year before I transitioned.  I did it because I had my last year of highschool to finish and I didn't want to come out to the whole school.

I did the exact opposite, I transitioned socially for a couple years, then sought out the medical side.

Hugs, Devlyn

Hi Winterkat, don't sweat this!  There's no way I can suggest what someone else should do in detail, but here's how it has worked for me.  It's been about two years now and I'm working on getting all the ducks in a row for surgery in Feb. of 18.  My biggest concern is how I feel about myself, not how someone else sees me.  For me that means most of my maleness, physically, has served it's purpose and needs to be set free.  When I look at my body I want to see a female form and I'll be pretty content.  Over time I have recognized that I'm not binary.  I never fully played by the male playbook and I have no intention of playing by the female one either.  My understanding is that by definition, gender dysphoria is an issue with how we see our own body relative to how we feel mentally.  I have never heard of how society sees you as being part of that problem. 
Many people want to belong to one playbook or the other, and that's fine, but more and more we're hearing about the many who don't feel the need to occupy an "either/or" scenario and I'm one of those.  I will physically transition because I want to see that body, but I sometimes go out dressed Femme and sometimes go out Butch.  My friends see my boobs growing and my clear painted fingernails and long hair and I'm sure they may be thinking all kinds of things, but most are afraid to ask.  I help a lot of people around here and it has actually given me a kind of insulation, people don't look at me superficially anymore because they have been forced to think of me more broadly and that's a really good thing.  I want to keep my male history because it's very valuable and my "transition", in so far as it goes, simply adds a whole additional level to who I am.  Nothing (much) is lost, and a great deal is gained.  There are several very good books to read and I suspect they'll help a bunch as you learn more about who you are and what is important to YOU on this journey.  Read, Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstein, Born Both by Hida Valoria and The Fate of Gender, I don't remember the author.  Getting in touch with your inner self is most important, as it's really what this is all about.  All of us here are the same in many ways and very different in others.  Enlightment is about universal acceptance and love.  That should be the goal of us all and it starts with loving yourself, who you really are, regardless of what someone else looking at you sees.  Getting outted is mostly funny as far as I'm concerned, passing can be fun and feels good, but it's not required for you to be a person deserving of respect and consideration.  Choose you own paths as you evolve and be true to yourself and you will make no wrong turns.  Hugs, Toni   

I have been on a low dose for over four years now still male socially but enough changes have occur some clothes do not fit well womens jeans fit me a lot better than male pants and I have to wear baggy shirts I have loss a lot of my muscle mass especially in the shoulders and chest overall I have gotten a lot smaller over the last 4 years I started at 5'9" 205 lbs to now still 5' 9" but 145 lbs.  But I cannot transition because I have excellent paying job that I will lose if I do transition socially this job will enable to pay for everything.  I am good with doing this way since everything was so gradual nobody has put it together sometimes strangers or salesperson will misgender me and those are the really great days

Wow, glad this post got brought up again.

What exactly pushes someone to socially transition?  I personally haven't done so yet even though I've been on hrt for over 2 years and had ffs.  I think I pass since I still present male (shortish hair, male clothing, no makeup) but get gendered female until I talk.

I'm not sure what it is but I don't think I will ever socially transition since I only see male traits (will always see them)

I've seen quite a few trans women that have socially transitioned when they don't pass and I feel horrible for thinking that I don't want to be like that but at the same time wishing that I just stopped caring about what total strangers thought of me.

I have 3 more cosmetic procedures planned, nothing as intensive as ffs but even if I pass completely, I think social transition will happen only when I actually stop critiquing every little thing about my body. (lol, so probably never)

I have thought about doing this. I think I can deal with hiding breasts. Then let hrt do it's work and then transition or not. Perhaps low dose hrt would be the only thing I need.

Quote from: Justarandomname on September 11, 2017, 03:16:44 AM

What exactly pushes someone to socially transition?  I personally haven't done so yet even though I've been on hrt for over 2 years and had ffs.  I think I pass since I still present male (shortish hair, male clothing, no makeup) but get gendered female until I talk.

I'm not sure what it is but I don't think I will ever socially transition since I only see male traits (will always see them)

I've seen quite a few trans women that have socially transitioned when they don't pass and I feel horrible for thinking that I don't want to be like that but at the same time wishing that I just stopped caring about what total strangers thought of me.

I have 3 more cosmetic procedures planned, nothing as intensive as ffs but even if I pass completely, I think social transition will happen only when I actually stop critiquing every little thing about my body. (lol, so probably never)

Everyone is different. For some (possibly yourself from what you describe) blending in is very very important, for others it is not. I transitioned socially fairly quickly. Even though i was a feminine leaning person presenting as male or androgynous most of my life, it was still for me a big change. I did it because i had very specific and acute dysphoria from not socializing as a woman.

So regardless of my looks, good or bad it was full speed ahead. With that transition came affirmation from others, new groups of friends etc - just what i was needing.

The women that you describe that " don't pass " may not care or other things may be more important for them. With all respect, we should not project our motivations on others. We are wonderfully all different I probably get clocked 20% of the time still, but i would have transitioned if it was flipped and 80% or more.

We often are our worst critics and everyone has to choose their journey in a way that works for them.

Quote from: RobynD on September 11, 2017, 06:11:08 PM
Everyone is different. For some (possibly yourself from what you describe) blending in is very very important, for others it is not. I transitioned socially fairly quickly. Even though i was a feminine leaning person presenting as male or androgynous most of my life, it was still for me a big change. I did it because i had very specific and acute dysphoria from not socializing as a woman.

So regardless of my looks, good or bad it was full speed ahead. With that transition came affirmation from others, new groups of friends etc - just what i was needing.

The women that you describe that " don't pass " may not care or other things may be more important for them. With all respect, we should not project our motivations on others. We are wonderfully all different I probably get clocked 20% of the time still, but i would have transitioned if it was flipped and 80% or more.

We often are our worst critics and everyone has to choose their journey in a way that works for them.

Thank you, very well put.  I apologize if I seemed as though I was trying to "project my motivations" unto others, it's more that I feel that I am still trying to figure things out, even after all these years and I feel guilty for how I perceive others which is an extension of how I really feel about myself.

Anyway, passing is important to me because I hate being noticed and would just like to be invisible in public.  I've always been a very shy and introverted person, even when random strangers struck up a conversation with me, I would end it as quickly as possible. I hate being noticed, looked at or checked out.  Recently, I've had women start conversations with me out of the blue while I'm shopping or men looking at me like they've never seen a Asian person before, it irritates me so much.

Quote from: RobynD on September 11, 2017, 06:11:08 PM

Quote from: Justarandomname on September 11, 2017, 03:16:44 AM

What exactly pushes someone to socially transition?  I personally haven't done so yet even though I've been on hrt for over 2 years and had ffs.  I think I pass since I still present male (shortish hair, male clothing, no makeup) but get gendered female until I talk.

I'm not sure what it is but I don't think I will ever socially transition since I only see male traits (will always see them)

I've seen quite a few trans women that have socially transitioned when they don't pass and I feel horrible for thinking that I don't want to be like that but at the same time wishing that I just stopped caring about what total strangers thought of me.

I have 3 more cosmetic procedures planned, nothing as intensive as ffs but even if I pass completely, I think social transition will happen only when I actually stop critiquing every little thing about my body. (lol, so probably never)

Everyone is different. For some (possibly yourself from what you describe) blending in is very very important, for others it is not. I transitioned socially fairly quickly. Even though i was a feminine leaning person presenting as male or androgynous most of my life, it was still for me a big change. I did it because i had very specific and acute dysphoria from not socializing as a woman.

So regardless of my looks, good or bad it was full speed ahead. With that transition came affirmation from others, new groups of friends etc - just what i was needing.

The women that you describe that " don't pass " may not care or other things may be more important for them. With all respect, we should not project our motivations on others. We are wonderfully all different I probably get clocked 20% of the time still, but i would have transitioned if it was flipped and 80% or more.

We often are our worst critics and everyone has to choose their journey in a way that works for them.

Makes me wonder if people think I'm trying to pass as a woman and failing, or if they just see me as I truly am, a blend of male and female. Just because someone is in a dress doesn't make them a woman.

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Justarandomname on September 11, 2017, 03:16:44 AM
Wow, glad this post got brought up again.

What exactly pushes someone to socially transition?  I personally haven't done so yet even though I've been on hrt for over 2 years and had ffs.  I think I pass since I still present male (shortish hair, male clothing, no makeup) but get gendered female until I talk.

I'm not sure what it is but I don't think I will ever socially transition since I only see male traits (will always see them)

I've seen quite a few trans women that have socially transitioned when they don't pass and I feel horrible for thinking that I don't want to be like that but at the same time wishing that I just stopped caring about what total strangers thought of me.

I have 3 more cosmetic procedures planned, nothing as intensive as ffs but even if I pass completely, I think social transition will happen only when I actually stop critiquing every little thing about my body. (lol, so probably never)

The thing that pushes you to socially transition is what you have so far isn't enough. Hormones weren't cutting it and I was still pretty depressed. If you would like to socially transition, start doing part time. The most difficult time is the first few times you walk through that door and realize that nobody cares about what you are doing. In addition, you start becoming so comfortable in public that you no longer care what people think about you. 

I saw the image you posted and you are ready. If you want help with your voice, wander over the to voice forum and we will help you with that. As for walking out the door, you have to make up your mind that it's time.

Quote from: Justarandomname on September 11, 2017, 06:38:00 PM
Thank you, very well put.  I apologize if I seemed as though I was trying to "project my motivations" unto others, it's more that I feel that I am still trying to figure things out, even after all these years and I feel guilty for how I perceive others which is an extension of how I really feel about myself.

Anyway, passing is important to me because I hate being noticed and would just like to be invisible in public.  I've always been a very shy and introverted person, even when random strangers struck up a conversation with me, I would end it as quickly as possible. I hate being noticed, looked at or checked out.  Recently, I've had women start conversations with me out of the blue while I'm shopping or men looking at me like they've never seen a Asian person before, it irritates me so much.

Totally get it. There is an interesting psychology/sociology thing in all of this. I'm an extrovert and always disliked being invisible as it were, and i think i have pretty much done away with that. Still, there are times when i want to blend in, so i get that too. i find that women are very talkative to me after transition. Strangers everywhere. In the bathroom yesterday for instance. There certainly is a sort of sisterhood there.

I have been on hormones for about 3 years.   I have not socially transitioned at all.  I still present as male.  My reason is that I don't feel that I pass well enough.  If I could pass 90% of the time I would socially transition in a heartbeat,