I love being on hrt.  It has reduced my GD to almost nothing.  It has quited the voices.  It's doing it's job of feminizing me.  I love this. I do find its making me complacent though.  It's a weird feeling for me.  I'm used to have an unbelievable need to create, now it's still there, but doesn't drive me like it did.  Do similar things happen to you too?

Yes.  I was manic, alternating every few years between running myself into exhaustion or drinking myself into oblivion.  With HRT I still like exercise, but in a sane and manageable amount and I quit drinking altogether.


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Quote from: Bari Jo on September 10, 2017, 12:03:15 AM
I love being on hrt.  It has reduced my GD to almost nothing.  It has quited the voices.  It's doing it's job of feminizing me.  I love this. I do find its making me complacent though.  It's a weird feeling for me.  I'm used to have an unbelievable need to create, now it's still there, but doesn't drive me like it did.  Do similar things happen to you too?

It didn't affect me in that way, but I'm really curious, what kind of things did you feel that you needed to create? What were you proud of creating?

--AshleyP

edit, typos.

Quote from: AshleyP on September 10, 2017, 02:13:49 AM
It didn't affect me in that way, but I'm really curious, what kind of things did you feel that you needed to create? What were you proud of creating?

--AshleyP

edit, typos.

I'm an artist, I create things in wood, metal, and on the computer.  Deborah, mentioned she was manic, me too.  I was consumed by my art.  In some ways it's like I'm missing an old friend that would dare you to do stuff and push you into fun, uncomfortable situations, and you being exhausted but with a weird satisfaction of what you just did.  Now, it's a friend that is soothing and keeping me calm and doing yoga.  Weird analogy, but works, I think.

I always had to be doing something,  one project or hobby after the other, now I don't need that,  I can just 'be'. I would say however that my focus and concentration at work have improved (imo).

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Quote from: Bari Jo on September 10, 2017, 02:37:59 AM
I'm an artist, I create things in wood, metal, and on the computer.  Deborah, mentioned she was manic, me too.  I was consumed by my art.  In some ways it's like I'm missing an old friend that would dare you to do stuff and push you into fun, uncomfortable situations, and you being exhausted but with a weird satisfaction of what you just did.  Now, it's a friend that is soothing and keeping me calm and doing yoga.  Weird analogy, but works, I think.

That's what I thought, I just wasn't sure. Good analogy. Thanks.

The drive is starting to come back.  It might be related to switching to pellets.  The doctor mentioned this would lower my estrone levels but keep estradiol the same.  Perhaps having the higher estrone was affecting my drive to be an artist.  I do feel better on pellets, definitely.

Interesting.

Back before I came out, I coped with my discomfort and depression by diving into work. If I focused hard enough, I could ignore the "noise" in my head and complete very complex software projects.

Now the "noise" is gone, and I am the happiest I have ever been in my adult life. I still have that ability to focus and concentrate, and can put it to work, possibly better than ever.

In a project that I did yesterday, we needed to develop a set of branding logo packages for a nonprofit. They had a banner done by one of the folks there that I thought was very nice thematically, and I wanted to use it as the basis for a suite of obviously related logo packages for signs and displays.

So, in one day I wrote a deconstruction of the original logo in terms of elements and style guidelines to be used in constructing new designs that would preserve the organizations identity and be thematically related. Then I wrote an 8 page proposal for signage and displays built around the style guidelines.

I don't know how I could have done this a few years ago. I honestly feel that at almost 64 years old I am more creative than ever, and still have access to that focus and concentration without the unpleasant side effects, where I used to suppress my consciousness to get tasks done. I'm more... human than ever.



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