I don't seem to get many comments on these threads, but there are a lot of reads so I'll keep going until someone yells at me to stop, or I get bored with writing these...
On that note, the main thing I've been experiencing lately is amazement at how little I think about my gender throughout the day. originally I had been at half doses of spiro, but I am in full now, that has eliminated the wearing off effect I was getting before each hormone dose. Going into girl mode has become different for me. It's sort of the opposite of those old drug PSAs where they would say "at first you do drugs to feel good, but soon you do them to keep from feeling bad." For me it's that I used to dress to find relief, now I do it to find joy.
There are times where I honestly start to forget how bad I used to feel. I've found that when I listen to music that brings me back to earlier parts of my life I can start to put myself back in that place. I think I'm starting to figure out what being normal feels like, and how off my thinking was before. I used to get stuck thinking about something for days on end, sometimes I could push it onto something productive, sometimes it would be about the dysphoria, or how I considered myself a bad person. That would just run an an infinite loop until I could push my mind onto something else.
On the physical side not much has changed, I'm still dropping weight, as of this morning I'm down about 9 pounds from when I had my doctor's appointment to get E three weeks ago. While my chest feels fleshier I don't think any of it is actual breast tissue, from what I've read I have a few more weeks before that begins.
I don't think I've fully processed the fact that I am in fact having a sex change. The notion that I'm feminizing every day, and that sooner or later everyone will know the secret I used to swear I'd take to my grave, just doesn't seem to have the weight it should in my thoughts. There's plenty of time for that anyway.
