It's just that I have this innate fear that I would never pass, even though I'm just 18 and like I'm an asian, both very good things to transition with. Heck, I haven't even seen a therapist yet (appointments are next wednesday). I know it's really dumb that vanity is one of my major fears of transitioning, but I've felt like I was in the wrong body since I was 7, back when I first heard of transitioning being a thing, I feel like now I'm so close to what I've wanted my whole life, suddenly I'm afraid I'll never pass. Sorry this post was one big mess, I'm anxious for next week and I just wanted to speak out

I know that feeling well.  It's the one thing that holds me back....well maybe the beard stubble.  But as you progress, and talk to your therapist, and friends/family, things get a little easier.  Don't rush it, that confidence will come.

Welcome to Susan's place.  Enjoy your stay, get a drink, chat with us, and be who you want to be.

Quote from: Artesia on September 17, 2017, 12:10:53 AM
I know that feeling well.  It's the one thing that holds me back....well maybe the beard stubble.  But as you progress, and talk to your therapist, and friends/family, things get a little easier.  Don't rush it, that confidence will come.

Welcome to Susan's place.  Enjoy your stay, get a drink, chat with us, and be who you want to be.

its just that, i want it really bad, ive always wanted it really bad. but now that im closer than ever, im just scared i wont pass. its not like im big either, im like 5'4 and i have slim limbs and im like 60kgs, im just afraid face wise, ill never pass.

I have that feeling big time.  However, the thought of not doing it causes great pain.  You are so young that transition will work so much better if you do it now.  From experience putting it off only causes GD to grow and be more intense.  Talk with your support system.  Ultimately it's your decision, but definitely weigh the benefits mentally and physically of doing it now.

Quote from: Bari Jo on September 17, 2017, 12:20:37 AM
I have that feeling big time.  However, the thought of not doing it causes great pain.  You are so young that transition will work so much better if you do it now.  From experience putting it off only causes GD to grow and be more intense.  Talk with your support system.  Ultimately it's your decision, but definitely weigh the benefits mentally and physically of doing it now.

im 100% ready to transition if i know id pass tbh, but its just the fact that im afraid i wont, thats like kinda scaring me. i know its pretty dumb, but if my therapist is ready to give me a diagnosis ill be glad to take it.

Quote from: bronese on September 17, 2017, 12:15:06 AM
its just that, i want it really bad, ive always wanted it really bad. but now that im closer than ever, im just scared i wont pass. its not like im big either, im like 5'4 and i have slim limbs and im like 60kgs, im just afraid face wise, ill never pass.

I know I don't fully pass yet.  I had the benefit of not knowing why I hated myself, so this is actually new for me.  I started with that fear, and still have it.  However, I am working past it, and even made a huge stride today.  At 18 your prospects are better than mine, I'm 43.  You are also around 132lbs/ 62kgs lighter than I am.  Take it slow, take it one day at a time.  Talk with your therapist.  The people here are wonderful, and have a lot of experience.  Some things will click right away, others may take a couple goes to get, just breathe, talk it out, and remember to be yourself.  That confidence will come.  Someone will be along shortly to give you a resource list and some rules for the forums.  The Wiki has some great information.  If I can find it before they get it to you, I'll post it here for you.

Quote from: Artesia on September 17, 2017, 12:26:42 AM
I know I don't fully pass yet.  I had the benefit of not knowing why I hated myself, so this is actually new for me.  I started with that fear, and still have it.  However, I am working past it, and even made a huge stride today.  At 18 your prospects are better than mine, I'm 43.  You are also around 132lbs/ 62kgs lighter than I am.  Take it slow, take it one day at a time.  Talk with your therapist.  The people here are wonderful, and have a lot of experience.  Some things will click right away, others may take a couple goes to get, just breathe, talk it out, and remember to be yourself.  That confidence will come.  Someone will be along shortly to give you a resource list and some rules for the forums.  The Wiki has some great information.  If I can find it before they get it to you, I'll post it here for you.

thank you for all the words of encouragement, i hope i can muster up the courage to do it. however, passing is still a big big problem for me that id probably never get over.

Here's that link:

https://www.susans.org/wiki/Main_Page


Hope it works, or just copy paste it.  It is also under the Susan's place banner, about 5 links over.

Hi bronese,

  I'm Laurie, mtf and old. Welcome to Susan's Place. Do come in. It's lonely, scary and cold out there so get on in here.
I know you are afraid that things may not turn out as well as you would like but hey you will never know if you do not do it. You say you really want to transition. If it is something that you believe you need to do then I believe it will stay with you and eventually it may become unbearable to not do it. You are the one that needs to decide what if anything you are going to do. It took be 64 years to discover who I really was and yes I agonized over many thing in that time.
  You are taking a very good first step in talking with a therapist. Be open and honest in talking with them for best results and don't be afraid. Welcome again and good luck with the therapist session.

   Because you are new here, perhaps I can even get you to hop on over to the Introductions Thread and  create a post to tell us a little bit more about yourself so we can get to know you a little better and greet you properly.

  Also I'll add some links and information below that can help you get more out of our site. Please take time to become familiar with them especially the RED one as we are always getting questions that are answered there.

Laurie
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I also want to share some links with you. They include helpful information and the rules that govern the site.  It is important for your enjoyment of the site to take a moment to go through them

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also, like what do i do once i get a diagnosis for GD? sorry for straying a little off topic, just curious.

Quote from: bronese on September 17, 2017, 12:37:51 AM
also, like what do i do once i get a diagnosis for GD? sorry for straying a little off topic, just curious.

Lol This is your topic bronese. What to do after? Well I would say do what the doctor suggests. You take things one step at a time and your therapist will likely guide you based on what you want and the needs he sees.


Laurie

Quote from: Laurie on September 17, 2017, 12:45:13 AM
Lol This is your topic bronese. What to do after? Well I would say do what the doctor suggests. You take things one step at a time and your therapist will likely guide you based on what you want and the needs he sees.


Laurie

Well, thank you so so much for everything, this has been of great help to me.

Hi, Bronese!

Given your age and build, you have a really good chance of passing. 

I started at 62.  I am full-time and I am pretty sure I don't pass.  I am finding that it doesn't matter.  I may not be a pretty woman, but I get to be me, and that is what counts.

Take your time and take baby steps.  You may also find that getting to be yourself beats everything.

Quote from: KathyLauren on September 17, 2017, 07:04:33 AM
Hi, Bronese!

Given your age and build, you have a really good chance of passing. 

I started at 62.  I am full-time and I am pretty sure I don't pass.  I am finding that it doesn't matter.  I may not be a pretty woman, but I get to be me, and that is what counts.

Take your time and take baby steps.  You may also find that getting to be yourself beats everything.

for me, passing is everything because its a form of self validation, i believe that being a female is a privilege, so like, i want to be called female pronouns not because i want to be called female pronouns, but because ive earned it and people can use female pronouns on me naturally and instinctihrly.

Hi Bronese. I understand your (and everyone's) desire to pass. But it should not be the driving force or a required condition for your transition if otherwise you are ready. The desire to live authentic life, build relationships as who you are (without the need to risk everything you've built through all you life 20 or 40 years later)...

Imagine what would be the worst thing if you don't pass (however unlikely it may be), or get outed as a trans-female somehow...
Not much really, as a non-passing non-transitioning crossdresser, I've met many more sympathetic people (not from LGBT crowd), I had good friends who liked me and accepted me as I am. I had a decent social life and been to many events and people's attitude was either sympathetic (50%) or they would just ignore me (which most people still do if I am out as a male). And I am not living in your LGBT-friendly city on a coast, but hard-core working town in a Midwest. So, as long as you make a good effort to look nice as a woman, you will be accepted as a woman even if you don't pass totally.

If you are building your life on a strong foundation of being open and honest, if your friends know you, if your employer isn't likely to fire you because he learned you're an MTF (because he hired you knowing it), whether you pass or someone reveals your secret is really irrelevant. One of the good ways to protect yourself from exposure is to have them dark secrets not much of a secret.

PS I am not saying to run around and telling everyone every single fact of your life, but rather not being obsessive totally that you're stealth to a point that even your partner knows you are a trans. Some people might need to know, if their support is important to you, other people don't.


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Quote from: elkie-t on September 17, 2017, 09:31:51 AM
Hi Bronese. I understand your (and everyone's) desire to pass. But it should not be the driving force or a required condition for your transition if otherwise you are ready. The desire to live authentic life, build relationships as who you are (without the need to risk everything you've built through all you life 20 or 40 years later)...

Imagine what would be the worst thing if you don't pass (however unlikely it may be), or get outed as a trans-female somehow...
Not much really, as a non-passing non-transitioning crossdresser, I've met many more sympathetic people (not from LGBT crowd), I had good friends who liked me and accepted me as I am. I had a decent social life and been to many events and people's attitude was either sympathetic (50%) or they would just ignore me (which most people still do if I am out as a male). And I am not living in your LGBT-friendly city on a coast, but hard-core working town in a Midwest. So, as long as you make a good effort to look nice as a woman, you will be accepted as a woman even if you don't pass totally.

If you are building your life on a strong foundation of being open and honest, if your friends know you, if your employer isn't likely to fire you because he learned you're an MTF (because he hired you knowing it), whether you pass or someone reveals your secret is really irrelevant. One of the good ways to protect yourself from exposure is to have them dark secrets not much of a secret.

PS I am not saying to run around and telling everyone every single fact of your life, but rather not being obsessive totally that you're stealth to a point that even your partner knows you are a trans. Some people might need to know, if their support is important to you, other people don't.


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its just that its scary, to know that i wont pass. im ready to be honest with people i meet about who i am, but i am not ready to look into a mirror and not pass. its probably a really dumb problem, but i just cant get it off me.

While there are never any guarantees, a couple of years of HRT will change you a lot.  So its not really useful to look at yourself even before starting and try to figure out if you will pass later on.  The real question is whether or not you need to start and take the chance.  Is it just a passing thought or is it rather something that is all consuming and necessary for your mental well being?

Quote from: Deborah on September 17, 2017, 09:57:38 AM
While there are never any guarantees, a couple of years of HRT will change you a lot.  So its not really useful to look at yourself even before starting and try to figure out if you will pass later on.  The real question is whether or not you need to start and take the chance.  Is it just a passing thought or is it rather something that is all consuming and necessary for your mental well being?

i dont think its "just a passing though" solely because of the fact ive been wanting to transition since i was 7, as young as i know being trans was a thing, i guess im just unnecessarily scared of it, but ill talk to my therapist about this for sure.

Have you ever been out in public dressed as a female? If not, it's much faster (no need to wait months for HRT), and easy to reverse, test on how well you can pass (and learn how to pass better, and see what happens if you don't). We fear what is unknown, once you try it - you'll know and don't fear


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Quote from: elkie-t on September 17, 2017, 10:02:20 AM
Have you ever been out in public dressed as a female? If not, it's much faster (no need to wait months for HRT), and easy to reverse, test on how well you can pass (and learn how to pass better, and see what happens if you don't). We fear what is unknown, once you try it - you'll know and don't fear


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although ive felt the need to transition since i was really young, ive only crossdressed just once like 3 years ago, i honestly wouldnt mind trying hrt to see if i pass or not though.