hey guys.

i just found out i am (finally) about to have my hysterectomy surgery. i'm one month shy of being four years on T, so, all in due time i guess.

all those four years i was mostly at home and not able to work or study due to depression and other things mental health related. for about five months now i have had a part-time job and despite the mental exhaustion i really like it. it's a physically tough job, a lot of walking and heavy-lifting, which i love. and i get to work with animals, which i love even more. my main concern when starting work was whether or not i would be comfortable with my colleagues because i sometimes struggle a bit with the social thing, but honestly, i love them as well. all in all, i love my job.

i have not come out to them as trans, not because i'm scared they'd be disrespectful, but maybe because i'm scared things will change. most everyone i normally spend time with are family and old friends, and naturally, they know i'm trans. and while sometimes that is a relief, i also really enjoy the normality of being just another guy at work. family and friends all had a hard time getting pronouns and my new name right at first (which almost everyone would have to go through) and even if they almost always get it right now, i rarely feel it genuine and i always wonder if they are saying it only because i want them to, and not because i am a guy to them. if that makes sense. at work, i never have to worry about that. they all see me just the way i am. and while technically i wouldn't have a problem telling my colleagues i'm trans, i simply don't want to because i enjoy this... freedom. i can be a guy 100%, no questions asked. i never have to worry. it's like a dream come true. really.

so, now. my surgery is apparently scheduled in only two weeks. this is great and inevitable and it's something i must have done. but. as i've already mentioned, my job is very physically demanding and a surgery will really limit my ability to work for weeks ahead. i don't wish to lie to them, but i'm not necessarily willing to come out as trans either. my question is. is there any other "similar" - gender neutral - surgery i could claim to have had? i don't want them to think i'm sick when i'm not, so is there anything else, less dramatic. i don't want them to think i have cancer or anything else of the sort. just a standard procedure, something you get done and recover from and then it's back to normal. i only wish hysterectomy was less... gynecologic.

is this all unethical? i feel like no one has any business knowing what surgery i'm going through, and if i decide to come out to them as trans later, i am sure they would understand and be forgiving. i'm just not feeling ready right now.

i'm new here and have almost never signed up to any forums, ever. i just really felt the need to ask for help right now.

any thoughts or suggestions?

Similarly to you I haven't told my coworkers I'm trans; don't see the need too; they just know me as me. When I told them I was having chest reconstruction surgery they just assumed it was bcos I used to be 'big'. I don't see it as lying; it's mostly the truth.

I can't think what would be similar to a hysterectomy that cis men get though

i don't know how similar it is or isn't, but things like having your appendix removed are fairly common; most people wouldn't question that. 

I don't think it's unethical not to tell people or to tell them it's a different type of surgery. Sometimes you have to do what you can to protect your peace of mind. I would find out what management needs to approve the time off then go from there and decide what you'd like to tell others. You could leave it at saying you're having surgery to correct a birth defect since, at least in my opinion, that's not really even lying about it. Or you can look up some types of surgery that have the same recovery time as a hysterectomy and say you're going in for one of those.

A hernia repair will stop you from lifting for weeks if that's any help

Rowan

Ye,  hernia is a good call. I had a genuine hernia repair last year,  I certainly wasn't lifting or running around for a good few weeks. X

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I agree best they don't know. I am not out to everyone and sure like it that way for they can see the real me without knowing my history,  The hernia repair is a good one for the recovery is so similar to a hysto.  What procedure are you having and that can make a big difference in the recovery.  good luck to you with everything you have going.

I was thinking hernia repair too, just as long as the place you work for doesn't think it was caused or exacerbated by the heavy lifting you do there otherwise you may have to fill out an accident report or they'll keep you off heavy lifting duties permanently.

thank you all so much, i really appreciate your support. i will consider everything you've all said and also talk to my surgeon on monday, and hopefully that'll help clear my mind!

You could also be generic and say abdominal surgery. Your job has no right to know unless you share details, and most people (at least that I've met) don't prod for details of a surgery once you give a descriptor. If someone asks and you say "abdominal surgery" they're pretty unlikely to insist upon knowing specifically what kind of surgery. If they want to know why, you could say something like "I was having unusual pains" which can still be a truth (ex. I still get bad cramps even after no monthly in three years) and give them an adequate answer at the same time. As friends they may be more willing to ask details but I imagine unless someone else had "abdominal surgery" or a hernia repair in the past or is planning on one soon and wanted to compare experiences, they'll just take you at your word.

I don't know much about hernias but so far the rest of the thread seems to have good info on that excuse as well.

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Appendectomy would be my go-to. Happens to a lot of people, no fault of their own, no major consequences, no major questions.

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When I had my top surgery, I only told one coworker what the surgery was really for because I was too excited to contain it. The rest only knew I was having surgery. They didn't ask about it, and I didn't feel they needed to know. Although, I kept having to reassure one lady that nothing was wrong with me.

Coming out at work, I always feel there is some risk of people seeing or treating you different. I've told a few people over the years, and I feel only one, a recent coworker who didn't even blink an eye, didn't see me any different than before. Another coworker, a guy who I suspect felt threatened by working with the only other guy in our department (he would try to act big and macho around me), suddenly calmed down and stopped trying to dominate me. That was both a relief and bothersome. Even though these people never faltered on pronouns, and, of course, they only knew me as Kyle, I think on some level their prospective on my gender changed.

Tell your coworkers you are having a different type of surgery, tell them the truth, or say nothing at all. It's up to you. It is NOT unethical, nor is it their business to know. Good luck  

Quote from: Sno on September 20, 2017, 06:03:05 AM
A hernia repair will stop you from lifting for weeks if that's any help

Rowan

That was my "reason".  No one questioned it.