So a few months ago I my partner and I hooked up with this straight guy. He knew I was trans and was totally cool with the whole thing. There was no genitalia involved, of course, since he didn't feel quite comfortable going that far with me (which was fine, I wouldn't have felt comfortable with that either). I, on the other hand, did go that far with him. (Pardon the vagueness, I really would like to spare you all the gory details of this, since I don't normally kiss and tell.)

Long story short, he and I are messaging each other one day and I ask him why he wasn't bothered messing around with me. He had seen pictures of what I looked like before and still he had no issue. And it's not like I doubted his sexuality or anything, I was just genuinely curious. It fascinates me that a straight man would be willing to sleep with me even though I am not a natal female.

He just told me that he found me attractive and that was it. It wasn't even in a fetishistic way, it was just in a normal "you're a pretty girl" way. He had the same level of attraction towards me as he did for my biologically female partner. I was completely floored by this... this the first time ever that I have tried to pick he brains of a straight guy that was into trans women as women.

Does anyone else have experience with this? What do you know about men like this? What is their rationale behind dating trans women?

Would love to hear your thoughts!
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 There are lots of men that see trans women as women. If you present as a woman, that is often enough. There does not need to be a rationale. If they find you sexy and attractive, there is nothing wrong with them. To try and figure it out, means you have some self doubt.

I am engaged to a straight man. There is no rational behind it except that he finds me attractive and I am nothing more than a woman to him. Yes he sometimes touch me down there if I allow him but I normally don't like that part of the body getting attention. It is also personality that counts I make him feel even more comfortable with me than a genetic female. In his eyes I am just so much woman as any genetic female.

My boyfriend is straight. I wouldn't say he's attracted to trans women though. He didn't know I was trans when we started dating. When I told him ,he wasn't thrilled about it and I assumed that was the last I would see of him but he called me a week later. He was ok having a relationship with me but he told me right up front he couldn't touch my
"Lower bits" as he called them until after I had SRS and he would prefer not to see them either. I didn't have a problem with that. In fact if he had been interested in my boy parts it would have been a huge turn off for me. After we had been dating for a couple of months he except for the one obvious physical thing, I was absolutely no different than any other girl he had ever known. I asked him if he had expected me to be and he said no but he wasn't sure since he had never known a trans girl before.

I don't think a guy is necessarily "trans attracted" just because he's able to accept a transwoman. I did ask Tristan if he still would have asked me out the first time if he had known I was trans. He said no, he wouldn't have. He had had no experience with a transwoman before and like most guys he had misconceptions about us. I think that's true for most guys and is a big reason they are so unaccepting.

Quote from: Julia1996 on September 26, 2017, 06:13:06 AM
I don't think a guy is necessarily "trans attracted" just because he's able to accept a transwoman. I did ask Tristan if he still would have asked me out the first time if he had known I was trans. He said no, he wouldn't have. He had had no experience with a transwoman before and like most guys he had misconceptions about us. I think that's true for most guys and is a big reason they are so unaccepting.

That was amazingly honest of him, and probably one of the best insights into the mentality of the average guy that I've heard regarding this issue.

Quote from: Roll on September 26, 2017, 09:34:58 AM
That was amazingly honest of him, and probably one of the best insights into the mentality of the average guy that I've heard regarding this issue.

That's one thing about Tristan, he tends to be very honest. Sometimes his honesty can seem a little brutal. But I prefer that to a guy who just tells you everything he thinks you want to hear.

Quote from: Julia1996 on September 26, 2017, 09:41:37 AM
That's one thing about Tristan, he tends to be very honest. Sometimes his honesty can seem a little brutal. But I prefer that to a guy who just tells you everything he thinks you want to hear.

My partner is like that as well. It's a really great quality, as hard as it might be to hear in some situations, though. But it is beneficial in the long run.

She's not what you would call "trans-attracted" either, but her love for me transcends that barrier.

I don't doubt the sexuality of any straight man who is attracted to trans women (or just a particular trans woman). I don't think it changes the fact that they are straight. But there is some mental process going on in their heads that is saying, "This is ok. I am comfortable with this." And I am curious what that is.

But it seems to me, based on my own experiences, and some of the stories you have shared here, is that there really is no single answer or rationale. In fact, in the context of love and desire, there really is no logic for anything. If you love someone it doesn't matter who they are or who they were before.

I guess it is awful silly of me to try and deconstruct love.

Quote from: Lady Sarah on September 25, 2017, 09:32:08 PM
There are lots of men that see trans women as women. If you present as a woman, that is often enough. There does not need to be a rationale. If they find you sexy and attractive, there is nothing wrong with them. To try and figure it out, means you have some self doubt.

No self doubt here. Just curiosity. It's like how one person can use an iPhone and just enjoy the device for what it is, and another would much rather open it up and examine its parts.

Also, this is the first straight man with whom I have been intimate with as a woman. As time goes on and I have more experiences, that curiosity will no doubt fade.

This is good to hear, and lessens some of my worry of dating again. I've known I was bi for many years, but I've never actually dated or been intimate with a guy (I just never saw myself doing so AS a guy). My last date / sexual encounter was in 1998, so my dating worries include not only being a trans woman but also just dating in general (I kind of feel like a nervous teenager!).

I used to be a straight man 





Paula, X.

Quote from: Allie24 on September 26, 2017, 11:13:23 AM
No self doubt here. Just curiosity. It's like how one person can use an iPhone and just enjoy the device for what it is, and another would much rather open it up and examine its parts.

Also, this is the first straight man with whom I have been intimate with as a woman. As time goes on and I have more experiences, that curiosity will no doubt fade.

Men are very visual and sex driven creatures. They also differ a lot in their attitudes toward transwomen. Looks have a lot to do with it. If you are very feminine and you're pretty, some guys totally don't care what you used to be or what you used to look like. One of my brothers friends is very intolerant of anything LGBT. Before I transitioned he made no efforts to hide the fact he didn't like me. He never said anything nasty to me because my brother wouldn't have tolerated it, but it was still obvious how he felt towards me. Then after I transitioned his attitude toward me was much different. He went as far as to tell my brother's other friends he had slept with me. (A big lie!) When one of them called him on it he said "a pussy is a pussy no matter how it got there. And she's pretty now". I think that's the attitude some guys have towards transwomen. If they find you hot they don't really care what you were before.

Like I've said before,  I'm finding out men are much more complex than I first thought they were. Kind of like an ape using sign language.

Quote from: paula lesley on September 26, 2017, 12:08:05 PM
I used to be a straight man 





Paula, X.

How is that Paula??

Quote from: Julia1996 on September 26, 2017, 12:08:53 PM
Men are very visual and sex driven creatures. They also differ a lot in their attitudes toward transwomen. Looks have a lot to do with it. If you are very feminine and you're pretty, some guys totally don't care what you used to be or what you used to look like. One of my brothers friends is very intolerant of anything LGBT. Before I transitioned he made no efforts to hide the fact he didn't like me. He never said anything nasty to me because my brother wouldn't have tolerated it, but it was still obvious how he felt towards me. Then after I transitioned his attitude toward me was much different. He went as far as to tell my brother's other friends he had slept with me. (A big lie!) When one of them called him on it he said "a pussy is a pussy no matter how it got there. And she's pretty now". I think that's the attitude some guys have towards transwomen. If they find you hot they don't really care what you were before.

Like I've said before,  I'm finding out men are much more complex than I first thought they were. Kind of like an ape using sign language.

lol Men are fascinating creatures

Quote from: Sarah_P on September 26, 2017, 11:56:12 AM
This is good to hear, and lessens some of my worry of dating again. I've known I was bi for many years, but I've never actually dated or been intimate with a guy (I just never saw myself doing so AS a guy). My last date / sexual encounter was in 1998, so my dating worries include not only being a trans woman but also just dating in general (I kind of feel like a nervous teenager!).

I'm so glad this isn't just me, as I'm the same on all accounts except I never even had that 1998 date. :x (It's fun knowing you are different but not knowing how and avoiding any relationship whatsoever because none of it seems right.) Knowing I was attracted to men but not being able to picture myself being with a man as a man was a huge source of confusion to say the least.

I'm currently seeing a guy. He knew me pretransition, and we've been friends for quite a few years. Recently we started getting a lot closer, and opening up the sexual doors. At the moment, I'm pre-op, and he's expressed that he's not interested in doing anything involving my penis... which I'm absolutely fine with lol.

But yeah, we are just kinda seeing each other. Not dating. Without going into too many details, I'd say we are doing pretty well as far as being fair with each other on the sex stuff.
-Lyss

Quote from: Roll on September 26, 2017, 01:21:01 PM
I'm so glad this isn't just me, as I'm the same on all accounts except I never even had that 1998 date. :x (It's fun knowing you are different but not knowing how and avoiding any relationship whatsoever because none of it seems right.) Knowing I was attracted to men but not being able to picture myself being with a man as a man was a huge source of confusion to say the least.

This topic kind of sets up my generalized years in the making dysphoria.  I always knew I was not gay.  Gay guys just don't do that thing for me.  Maybe as friends.  Work with.  But date?  Romantic?  No way.  But I have always felt "straight".  So here I sat.  Not gay.  Not intensely interested in or capable of a deep loving relationship with a woman (other than ex).  So spent years in the middle.  Purgatory.  Denial.
As my trans-ness came to the surface finally, it all started to make sense.  I am a woman that is interested in a relationship with a man.  Not any man but a "straight" man.  At least a bi one that can present as straight in day to day life.  And I get to be the female side of things.  Seems completely logical now.  Whew.

I will state that I have never dated or been intimate with any guy that wanted anything to do with a penis that was not his own. I find the concept disgusting. That being said, I have dated several guys, been intimate with a handful, and have had long term relationships with two. The latest is ongoing.

Phillip still says he has ADOS, looks at me, and says he has attention deficit ... ooh, sexy!

Sure, most guys will never have anything to do with a trans woman. That is their preference. Not all have that preference, and just see a woman, no matter what is, or used to be, between her legs.

I've come to believe that society's concepts of "straight", "gay", "bi", etc. are not the best ways of describing human sexual interest. I think many (maybe most) supposedly straight people are, in fact, attracted to femininity or masculinity rather than to a person's genetics or biological details.

I've realized this in myself. I can be attracted to an outwardly feminine person, but tend to be detracted by masculinity-- without regard to their genitalia. I've run across many situations in which a straight person has been involved with a trans person who hasn't fully transitioned. I think genitals are often just a technicality.

Quote from: Lyric on October 04, 2017, 08:20:51 PM
I've come to believe that society's concepts of "straight", "gay", "bi", etc. are not the best ways of describing human sexual interest. I think many (maybe most) supposedly straight people are, in fact, attracted to femininity or masculinity rather than to a person's genetics or biological details.

I've realized this in myself. I can be attracted to an outwardly feminine person, but tend to be detracted by masculinity-- without regard to their genitalia. I've run across many situations in which a straight person has been involved with a trans person who hasn't fully transitioned. I think genitals are often just a technicality.

It's an insanely complicated issue, and even that is a bit simplistic. Maybe we're all better off just not thinking about it too much :/

Quote from: Allie24 on October 04, 2017, 08:25:52 PM
It's an insanely complicated issue, and even that is a bit simplistic. Maybe we're all better off just not thinking about it too much :/

Hope this doesn't come off as bitchy I dont mean it that way lol, but its really not that complicated, i started HRT in high school and am 22 and have had several relationships with straight men, not just straight guys but conservative go trump guys. Some guys just see you as a woman, not a dude with tits. But when we do make it as complicated as some of the discussion going on in this thread kinda is i feel like it fuels other mens perception that it SHOULD be more complicated then it really is. And thus makes it harder for us to find guys.  Maybe I'm wording it wrong and it sounds super duper confusing, I'm horrible at typing out thoughts. But anywho what I'm trying to say is: Why would you be floored by this? You're a chick. I mean  men aren't attracted to genitals, no body married or <not allowed> anyone just based off genitals, people are attracted by what you look like. i sometimes cant believe  whenever I hear people being floored by this its sooooo not complicated, I'm currently in a relationship with  a pretty ripped 'alspha' type dude that goes to my gym and he didn't care, hes definitely not googling "hot ts women" lol  I mean a girl having a penis sucks, but no more then  a girl  missing a limb or something, perse its just a minor physical flaw/setback.

When a  guy says he's straight he means he likes women. Once finding out you have a penis he may not want to sleep with you but that doesnt change how you look. lol I've actually never had a guy walk out after finding out what I had where my vagina is suppose to be , I'm pre op still tho :/ and live in republican ass Indiana but not one of these guys has ever  tried to play with my ummm yeah that.

my advice: (I know you didnt ask it haha) buuuut, just enjoy it while you're young and super  pretty Dont make it seem too abnormal or weird, or they'll join the other side that sees us as men with tits, and won't admit that they find some trans girls attractive. which is pretty ridiculous I know haha. Sometimes I forget I even have a penis, it's just apart of my womanhood but It's never got in the way of my relationships or dating life, sex life yes. But there are ways around that if both parties are okay with it, so far ( and I date ALOT) so good. But, it definitely would have been a different story had I made it a bigger deal then the guys did, they'd probably would have second guessed the relationship had I did...