Hello, my name is Alex, I'm 22 and I just recently realized (more like accepted) that I'm transgender.
If I really think about it there's been signs throughout my all life, but, because of the environment I grew up in, I never questioned anything too much...until a few months ago. I decided to figure out what was wrong with me and why I felt the way I did and found my truth. Since then, I came out as trans to two people (aside from my psychologist and my family doctor): my mother and a friend of mine. It didn't go well. I wasn't treated badly, I wasn't told I was a freak or anything like that. What I was told was: "You're wrong. You're not trans you're just confused. It's just that you can't accept yourself and the way you look and that happens to everybody, that doesn't mean you wanna be a man. Just start wearing make up and dressing differently and get yourself a boyfriend. Just act like a normal girl your age and you'll see how much better you'll feel". In a way, it would have been better to be called a freak. Because I was ready for that and for the questions and the crying and the screaming and every bad scenarios you can think of, but this? How do you respond to someone that simply says "I don't believe you"? There's no evidence I can provide, no blood work to be done, no psychological test I can take (and even if there was I shouldn't have to). All I can do is saying: Hi. My name is Alex and I'm a trans man. And the reason I joined this forum is because I was hoping to find other people that maybe had a similar experience to mine and can relate to what I'm saying and maybe we can all help each other make everything a little more bearable.
Anyway this was my introduction, sorry if it's a bit long and comes off as oversharing, I hope I haven't bored anybody too much! xD

Which one responded in that way? Your mother, friend or both.

It's a similar response my mother gave me. Sorry that that happened though, I know how it feels.

Quote from: IzzyC on September 29, 2017, 12:35:00 PM
Which one responded in that way? Your mother, friend or both.

It's a similar response my mother gave me. Sorry that that happened though, I know how it feels.

Both actually... Which hurt a lot because I really wasn't expecting that kinda of reaction from my friend. Thanks for replying to this anyway, it always helps to know that someone understands. I'm sorry you had to go through it too, I know how much it sucks...

I'm sure other friends won't be as nasty about it. I had a few that did, but the majority were cool. I haven't even told one because he's made nasty comments about trans people in the past.

I did find though that the Midwest isn't the best place for people like us. Too country or something, not a great place to be. Not sure where you are, but sometimes locale has some positive or negative effects.

Chin, up! Things get better.

Hello Alex!  Welcome - glad you're here.

I am sorry to hear the start of coming out turned out that way.  These experiences can be difficult but I believe this will make you stronger. 

Some people are passive aggressive and that can cause more pain than people who just freak out and make fools of themselves.  How much experience does your mother have with this topic.  Does she have a decade of medical education, years of clinical expertise, thousands of hours working with hundreds of LGBT individuals?  When she says you are wrong on this, she is wrong.  No grey area there.  Your mother might actually be a great person but failed to understand her own issues and is projecting that onto you.  We all have flaws - I sure do.

As for the other person you came out to... if they don't apologize to you very soon, now you know.  You didn't lose a friend and I say that because no real friend will ever treat you that way.  They're an aquaintence like other random people you probably won't have time for.  You have great and genuine friends - some you already know, and many you will meet soon.

In my opinion there is absolutely nothing wrong with discovering who you are, taking the initiative and experiencing your best possible future.  You are different and that can be a great thing.  You get to be you.  I admire you.

Since you just joined I am going to add information we always provide to new members.  Susan's has some unique characteristics and requirements - here it is:

A Cautionary Note:
This is a public forum so please remember when posting that The Internet Never Forgets, and the various web crawlers and archival sites out there may retain information that you post.

We cannot ensure that any information you share on the site will be protected from public view and/or copying or reproduction. This warning is also listed in the Terms of Service listed below.

If you give out personal information on Susan's you are responsible for any consequence.,kn

I also want to share some links with you. They include helpful information and the rules that govern the site.  It is important for your enjoyment of the site to take a moment to go through them

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
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Alex, thank you for becoming a member of Susan's and for writing a great introduction.  I'm looking forward to seeing you around.

All the best,

Kendra

Quote from: IzzyC on September 29, 2017, 12:54:41 PM
I'm sure other friends won't be as nasty about it. I had a few that did, but the majority were cool. I haven't even told one because he's made nasty comments about trans people in the past.

I did find though that the Midwest isn't the best place for people like us. Too country or something, not a great place to be. Not sure where you are, but sometimes locale has some positive or negative effects.

Chin, up! Things get better.

Thanks, I do hope that things will get better soon. I'm honestly a bit put off coming out to any other of my friends at the moment, since I really thought this one was going to be the most understanding one. To be honest, she did say that she has nothing against trans people, she just absolutely refuses to believe I am one. Don't really know if that's any better xD

I definitely agree with you about the negative and positive effects that living in a particular location can have. I'm from south Italy so not a great place for people like us either...

Quote from: Kendra on September 29, 2017, 01:09:23 PM
Hello Alex!  Welcome - glad you're here.

I am sorry to hear the start of coming out turned out that way.  These experiences can be difficult but I believe this will make you stronger. 

Some people are passive aggressive and that can cause more pain than people who just freak out and make fools of themselves.  How much experience does your mother have with this topic.  Does she have a decade of medical education, years of clinical expertise, thousands of hours working with hundreds of LGBT individuals?  When she says you are wrong on this, she is wrong.  No grey area there.  Your mother might actually be a great person but failed to understand her own issues and is projecting that onto you.  We all have flaws - I sure do.

As for the other person you came out to... if they don't apologize to you very soon, now you know.  You didn't lose a friend and I say that because no real friend will ever treat you that way.  They're an aquaintence like other random people you probably won't have time for.  You have great and genuine friends - some you already know, and many you will meet soon.

In my opinion there is absolutely nothing wrong with discovering who you are, taking the initiative and experiencing your best possible future.  You are different and that can be a great thing.  You get to be you.  I admire you.

Since you just joined I am going to add information we always provide to new members.  Susan's has some unique characteristics and requirements - here it is:

A Cautionary Note:
This is a public forum so please remember when posting that The Internet Never Forgets, and the various web crawlers and archival sites out there may retain information that you post.

We cannot ensure that any information you share on the site will be protected from public view and/or copying or reproduction. This warning is also listed in the Terms of Service listed below.

If you give out personal information on Susan's you are responsible for any consequence.,kn

I also want to share some links with you. They include helpful information and the rules that govern the site.  It is important for your enjoyment of the site to take a moment to go through them

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Alex, thank you for becoming a member of Susan's and for writing a great introduction.  I'm looking forward to seeing you around.

All the best,

Kendra

Thanks for answering my post. Always good to know that there's still nice people left in this world...
Thanks for the links as well!

Hi Alex 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Hello Alex, it's nice to meet you.

If I'll be honest there's a pretty simple explanation as to why you would receive a response like that. You said yourself that you didn't question anything as a child, so I can assume you did not engage in a lot of behavior that could be considered "gender non-conforming." The lack of any external signs makes it difficult for someone to believe that there was ever an issue. It's a natural response. Don't be hurt. If it's real, and you are certain, they'll come around to it eventually, until then, allow them to mourn, because it is really hard for some people.

I don't know your story, but I hope that you will be safe in all of this. Being FTM, there are a few more risks involved in things like HRT and SRS, than there are for MTF individuals. Do your research before embarking on this journey. Some people read success stories before starting, I read stories of regret, because I wanted to know why, for some people, transition was not the right choice and see if their reasons matched up to mine.

I wish you the best of luck on your quest.