Hi,
I've browsed this forum for a while now, a lot more recently but a few times over the past years. Figured I'd might as well make a profile.
To TLDR it as much as possible:
I've had gender dyshporia since somewhere around age five, starting with secreting myself away to my parents closet to put on my mothers' heels and daydream. It progressed into crossdressing in private when I was a teenager until the Emo phase hit the midwest.
Coming from a fundamentalist baptist background, I developed a pathological hatred of myself for my behavior and homosexual tendencies/thoughts. Combined with the years of bullying and ridicule I endured from childhood due to my mannerisms ranging from how I walked, held items, stood, spoke, hobbies, and so on; I developed manic depression and anxiety and became repeatedly suicidal.
In an effort to escape my home and force myself into the role everyone demanded of me, I enlisted at 17. I spent 6.5 years as SIGINT, but it didn't fix anything. After getting out I went to University and became a closet case, unwilling to leave my house except for school and work for 3.5 years. I developed a drinking problem, did drugs and went from 140 pounds to 210.
After my roommate kicked me out as I was graduating, I ended up moving in with my parents in Georgia because I had nowhere else to go. During Uni, I began learning about the trans subject, and contemplating my nature. After moving to Georgia, I came out and spilled my guts to a trans friend I'd met on a game online. I made a radical shift, I cut all soda, sugar, processed food, alcohol, etc. out of my habits and am back down to 150.
I didn't just come out to my friend, the positive feelings that came from it saw it cascade into telling all of my siblings and friends; all of whom were supportive. I found a therapist, and after a few months, got on HRT which I've been taking for 1.5 months now.
I eventually came out to my parents, and my father was "supportive" at first about this particular thing. He assured me I wasn't going to be kicked out or disowned, and that it didn't matter if I was gay or whatever; he still loved me and would do anything for me. He met me at a pub so I could come out, and said finding this out was a relief; as he thought I was gonna tell him I was suicidal again or a democrat (lol).
My mother was silent when I told her. She has since outed me to people she knows and questioned it (I overheard phone conversations when she was trying to hide). She's tried to lightly gaslight me, and suggested that my dysphoria and crossdressing was caused by depression, despite the fact they started a decade before ever becoming depressed.
Fortunately enough, I went to Uni for History and Theology, so she knows better than to use religious arguments on me. Both have also become slightly dismissive and antagonistic towards the issue now that they've found out I've started the transition; something akin to the whole, "It's ok to be gay so long as you don't act on it," argument.
That being said, they've still been far better than many.
Unfortunately I live in Atlanta, and the housing/rental market has gotten screwed here and ghetto cockroach infested studio apartments cost 800 dollars a month around here because of the film industry. In a surprise that made me breakdown into tears, my father told me last night that they had been planning since years ago to buy another house/townhouse/condo/duplex, in order to rent out to people.
They've offered to let me stay in one for the same costs I'm paying them now, and said if I find people who are cool and need a place that they can stay there too.
I know I'm lucky, incredibly lucky. I was blessed with far more accepting parents than most have, a middle class background, and a good education. I'm lucky to have a body that hasn't, despite my 28 years, been terribly masculinized. I'm 5'11, wear a size 7.5-8 shoe, and my body proportions are within avg. female norms.
I hope that I can finally find a decent job down here (been here 1.5 years), and provide a safe place to another trans person who needs the help. I've been given incredible things, and pray that somehow I'll be able to return those favors to others in the future.
Thanks for having me!
