Hello!  Male, 18 here.
I've been pretty nervous for the past few weeks after I've discovered that I have interest in trying to be a female.
The trouble is, I am frightened that such thoughts are doing harm to my male personality. I'm very comfortable with myself, love being in front of public (and I think I'd enjoy it less as a female) and have always had no trouble with gender issues. The only thing worth noting is that I get sexually aroused by wearing something feminine.
Thus, there is a very big logical contradiction. I envision myself as a successful male at work, wearing cool glasses and all if I think about career prospectives, yet I definitely know that it would be quite enjoyable for me to be viewed as a woman among my friends and other people, as well as wearing feminine clothes on the street. Or, at least, I'd like to try that once or twice.

My question to someone who has experienced anything similar - can you help me identify with some group and explain what am I supposed to do? I have a psychotherapist appointed, but while the queue is going I am in a very weird spot of being completely uncertain about my future. Who am I?

P.S.
On sexual orientation level I identify as bi-curious.

Welcome to the site. I'm Julia.  Others here can better advise you but it sounds like you're a crossdresser who becomes aroused from wearing female clothes.

Hello!
Not only clothes, I think I'd get enjoyment from completely mimicking woman behaviour, voice, movement et cetera. Obviously any transitional operations frighten me; yet at some times of the day I have a feeling that I will be forced to undergo such surgery, leaving me very nervous...

What adds up to the logical contradiction is the fact that I feel like crossdressing isnt gonna do it since I'll still have the same voice and fake breasts; hence I won't get much enjoyment out of that.

At the same time, I would very much like to keep as far away as possible from surgeries.

Have you talked with a therapist?  That could help you better understand your feelings.

Welcome to Susan's Place. Unfortunately sometimes this is very difficult to figure out and seeing a gender therapist is a good place to start. While you are waiting, I have some links that you can consider. The first is our WIKI where you will learn what the word transgender means. The second link is "the transition channel" which is more structured for people who desire a full transition but negative answers are just as informative as positive answers. It is possible you are a member of the non binary which mean you would like to live somewhere between male and female taking the best of each.

Something else, our dysphoria (discomfort with ourself) can take two forms. One is social where we are uncomfortable with our role in society and the other is body dysphoria where we are uncomfortable with our body features. You can have both at the same time but some form of dysphoria is a part of being transgender.

Feel free to ask any questions you might have and normally somebody will be around to answer it.

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Quote from: helloman on September 30, 2017, 12:22:44 PM
Hello!  Male, 18 here.
I've been pretty nervous for the past few weeks after I've discovered that I have interest in trying to be a female.
The trouble is, I am frightened that such thoughts are doing harm to my male personality. I'm very comfortable with myself, love being in front of public (and I think I'd enjoy it less as a female) and have always had no trouble with gender issues. The only thing worth noting is that I get sexually aroused by wearing something feminine.
Thus, there is a very big logical contradiction. I envision myself as a successful male at work, wearing cool glasses and all if I think about career prospectives, yet I definitely know that it would be quite enjoyable for me to be viewed as a woman among my friends and other people, as well as wearing feminine clothes on the street. Or, at least, I'd like to try that once or twice.

My question to someone who has experienced anything similar - can you help me identify with some group and explain what am I supposed to do? I have a psychotherapist appointed, but while the queue is going I am in a very weird spot of being completely uncertain about my future. Who am I?

P.S.
On sexual orientation level I identify as bi-curious.

Why don't you experiment and see what fits you. You are very young and I figure you have a fair amount of evolving to do. You don't have to fit neatly in any box. Gets some facts about what makes you feel good. You could go out of town and experiment if you don't want others to know of the experimentation.

I've never heard of anyone being forced to have grs type surgeries.  You need letters from therapists before you are ALLOWED to have those surgeries.

Quote from: Julia1996 on September 30, 2017, 12:49:47 PM
I've never heard of anyone being forced to have grs type surgeries.  You need letters from therapists before you are ALLOWED to have those surgeries.

What I've meant by "forced" is that I sometimes start believing that I won't stop thinking/worrying about the issue unless I take the surgery, even though I don't particularly want it.

Quote from: HappyMoni on September 30, 2017, 12:49:14 PM
Why don't you experiment and see what fits you. You are very young and I figure you have a fair amount of evolving to do. You don't have to fit neatly in any box. Gets some facts about what makes you feel good. You could go out of town and experiment if you don't want others to know of the experimentation.

Spending a day outside fully passing as a woman was on the todo list, and I think that's not the worst idea. Although I am fairly confident that I'll only get enjoyment from that and not much more scientifically useful data

If you are curious, I'd suggest to try it. Buy some bras (maybe online or online-to-store), an outfit or two, etc - and try it out... That's quite harmless, although sexual component tends to diminish with experience - and to get the same degree of excitement - you might want to go out, coming out to friends, starting hormones, etc. But it's always your choice

If you live in a bigger city, you can have a good career as a guy, and some private life as whatever gender you want to present.


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The worst thing is that, as someone suggested, having a private life and sometimes going out dressed and behaving like a woman seems great to me - that's cool and interesting. However, if I say to myself "okay that sounds good, that's what I'll do" I start being afraid that I am denying my true feelings of complete conversion (which I am, for now at least, reluctant to do) and consequently get nervous. 

Try not to overthink things. Try something simple,  then reflect if it was positive,  if you you'd like to do it again or even go further. There are no rules stating you can't stop,  pause for a bit,  go back or keep moving further.

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Quote from: helloman on September 30, 2017, 01:18:01 PM

Quote from: Julia1996 on September 30, 2017, 12:49:47 PM
I've never heard of anyone being forced to have grs type surgeries.  You need letters from therapists before you are ALLOWED to have those surgeries.

What I've meant by "forced" is that I sometimes start believing that I won't stop thinking/worrying about the issue unless I take the surgery, even though I don't particularly want it.

You are very early in this and that's not how you reach the decision to have surgery. The Real life requirement for surgery allows you to learn if you are comfortable in the new role. A very small number of us decide to return to our birth gender but the remainder of us decide if we are comfortable in the new role or if we want to take it to the point of surgery.

In my case I understood the role of male was something I would never return to and while comfortable in the feminine role, I wanted surgery to complete it. With modern blockers as a part of HRT, surgery has become a graduation and not goal. The blockers removed the hormone induced dysphoria so surgery doesn't result in a different emotional feeling.

The way to address this is one step at a time. If at any point you decide it's not right for you, stop. We want to to be happy whatever that means to you and you will always be welcome to explore your feelings here.