So I really what to look how I feel on the inside but I don't know how to start realistically. I'm on my dad's health insurance and most likely could get started on it however I just can't come out. I'm not mentally able to. In my family I've always been the low maintenance child. All of my siblings have gone to therapy for something besides me. If my family planned on going somewhere I always stayed home so everyone else could go because we had a small car. I'm now the child they expect to go the furthest however my dad wants to go to the Coast Guard and my mom wants me to go to collage. The only problem I have with the Coast Guard is trump recent passed a thing not allowing trans. Idk where to go after school to be honest. If I don't go in military I upset my dad . I don't have the strength or mental capability to tell him but I can't go anywhere without telling him. What do I do? Please don't say come out because I mentally can't . I already know I want to do this change, I've felt like it for as long as I can and I've under dressed for over 3 years now btw I just haven't told anyone.


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We can' tell you what to do. You are 18 and legally an adult. You are old enough to decide your future and you first decision will need to be made soon. You might be able to further your education or more into the working world. A transition could be possible now or you might decide on an education so you will be fully self supporting after graduation.
You could transition while in school as many schools now have support in place for transgender students. The decision on the military hasn't been decided yet but it would be risky at this point to plan a transition in the military. You could also decide on another profession and transition there.

The most important thing is while your parents are important, you need to live your own life. You need to cast your own shadow instead of living in the shade of another. If you don't do this, you will live a very unhappy life. My parents didn't exactly approve of the decisions I made but they didn't attempt to stop me. As the result, I was able to solve my gender dysphoria, find a profession I enjoyed and have lived a life I am happy with. Now it's your turn to do the same.

You can't tell anyone about who you really are yet... Then why don't you say you want to go to collage? Collage gives you an opportunity to have a great job with a pay you can live on (and get therapy). Or to study further. Anyhow you will be adult by the time collage is done and you won't be as dependent of your parents. You can make your own life choises.


Talking from my own 40 years of experience, the urge to be me becomes stronger for every day I wait. I have gone through identity crisis and denial over the years. I know it is hard to come out, but sooner or later it is time for that. 

I believe you will too when you are ready to come out. Don't push it too hard. You will know when it is time to come out.



Tony

Quote from: Dena on October 01, 2017, 02:19:15 AM
We can' tell you what to do. You are 18 and legally an adult. You are old enough to decide your future and you first decision will need to be made soon. You might be able to further your education or more into the working world. A transition could be possible now or you might decide on an education so you will be fully self supporting after graduation.
You could transition while in school as many schools now have support in place for transgender students. The decision on the military hasn't been decided yet but it would be risky at this point to plan a transition in the military. You could also decide on another profession and transition there.

The most important thing is while your parents are important, you need to live your own life. You need to cast your own shadow instead of living in the shade of another. If you don't do this, you will live a very unhappy life. My parents didn't exactly approve of the decisions I made but they didn't attempt to stop me. As the result, I was able to solve my gender dysphoria, find a profession I enjoyed and have lived a life I am happy with. Now it's your turn to do the same.

I do already have an apartment because my mom and I disagreed on some things and my dad doesn't live close enough to for me to finish at my school while living with him. I have became a completer in machine shop so I can get a apprenticeship being a machinest which is good money and can pay for education if I go that route.


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Can you quietly find someone to talk to...a professional. Someone who knows about gender issues. It might be a good place to start if you can afford it. They may be able to help you work out the best way forward for you. My experience of my own life tells me that these felling are not ones that can be dismissed and even if you can supress yourself now, doing it for the rest of your life may well come at a cost, to health and your overall wellbeing. A therapist might be able to help you work out how to go about achieving the things you want.   

Quote from: ElizabethK on October 01, 2017, 04:01:48 AM
Can you quietly find someone to talk to...a professional. Someone who knows about gender issues. It might be a good place to start if you can afford it. They may be able to help you work out the best way forward for you. My experience of my own life tells me that these felling are not ones that can be dismissed and even if you can supress yourself now, doing it for the rest of your life may well come at a cost, to health and your overall wellbeing. A therapist might be able to help you work out how to go about achieving the things you want.

I'll look into it, thank you. How much do u think that would cost ?


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Quote from: Veryconfusedperson on October 01, 2017, 04:04:50 AM
I'll look into it, thank you. How much do u think that would cost ?


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I am sorry I don't know the cost assuming you are from the USA, but there are people who will even skype with you. I am in Australia and the sessions are covered by Medicare. If you are on your father insurance you may be able to see a therapist that is covered...My understanding is that it could be fairly cheap but I am sure there are many here more qualified to answer that than me.

Then you are at the point were you could see a gender therapist for a few visit and pay out of pocket. There is no need to discuss this with your  family and they don't even need to know that you made the appointment. After you have a few session, then you will have a better idea what to do and you can either continue without the family knowing or you can come out.

Quote from: Dena on October 01, 2017, 09:21:59 AM
Then you are at the point were you could see a gender therapist for a few visit and pay out of pocket. There is no need to discuss this with your  family and they don't even need to know that you made the appointment. After you have a few session, then you will have a better idea what to do and you can either continue without the family knowing or you can come out.

How much out of pocket do you think that would cost? Only have like $200 for spending at the moment.


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It will depend on the therapist. Some charge on a sliding scale where what you paid is based on your income. You might be able to get a couple of appointment for that amount of money. For now, I suggest you work on saving what you can with the goal of getting several more appointments. You might also consider budgeting one appointment a month. It's not optimal but it would be better than nothing. If you make an appointment with a therapist, make a list of the things you want to discuss. As your resources are limited at the moment, you want to make the best use of your time in therapy. 

Also, if you have insurance, you really should consider using it.