I am not sure is this forum is used to just vent so hopefully it is.  I feel unsatisfied with my job in the health care field i have been doing it since i was 18 that was 13 years ago i feel like they undervalue the employees and its possibly the most negative environment i have ever been in with the exception to my home life before 17.  here is the issue i would just quit but they pay me way more than i can get anywhere else i have benefits that will pay for GRS after a 6k deductible i have quit twice and they just threw more money at me.  Last week i saved someones life and not even a thank you or good job from management.  I am a grown woman i should require external validation its just frustrating. on top of that i have an anxiety attack every time i have to go to work i have to take a xanax just to stop my legs from shaking.

i am more than 100 pounds overweight which i am told by the surgeons i contacted that i would need to meet certian weight requirements for a woman that is 5'1"  which i am sabotaging, don't know why.

my everyday voice is less than stellar i just told everyone for years that i have vocal damage, and they believe that.  Funniest thing i have a flawless female voice when i want to that i can use at will for as long as i want but it makes me self conscious.  I fear a change like that will garner questions and i am sick of lying. 

I feel like GRS is not in my reach and i should just give up trying for it.  I have a loving Spouse and kids that should be enough the rest of this stuff is optional i just feel like i am going crazy.  i am so tired and i am starting to cry now so that's my cue to go.  Thank you for Reading the ramblings of a nut

Always
Lilly       

It sound like you are dealing with some of the depression that can hit us if we are stuck in the middle of the transition. You need to start addressing the problems in your life one at a time but I feel that therapy would help you greatly. I would recommend a psychologist as their approach tends to be helping you find a way to live with the problems you face.

As for being an undervalued employee, that's normally an issue with the management. They haven't learned the finer points of making the employees content with their job. If there is a suggestion box, you might submit some helpful ideas that could improve the work environment for everybody.

Ramble away and let it all out, I use my diary as a therapy as no one else to talk to. Also have a job that's pants but need to pay the bills and only 3 1/2 years to go till I hang my spanners up. Hang on in there you never know whats around the corner

Yes it indeed is a bought of depression all i want to do is sleep, to get away from life for a moment.  this week has been exceptionaly poor at work lucky my spouce and kids are trying to cheer me up.  i feel on the verge of tears all the time.  i have a psyhc dr and i have a therapist the meds and the talking dont seem to help as of late i want to quit my job but i need the insurance and pay.  i am stuck, i am unhappy not using my voice i hate my job and i just feel afraid to leave my house.  i want surgery so bad but in my mind its a pipe dream that will never come to fruition.  this is very negative i know but i just hate being me and i hate my situation, if i was just born in the right body if i just picked another carrer idk im rambling again

Thank you
Lilly