So I am still not 100%, but I have finally been noticing I am worried about a lot of things that don't matter anymore. Any of you have similar experiences? Carrying dysphoria for a time after you finally pass?

I'm 2 years into hrt and I pass very well among people who didn't know me before transition. But I still get social anxiety. If I hear people start laughing I'm sure they are laughing at me. People stare at me a lot (I have albinism)  and I become convinced they are staring because they've outed me as Trans.  And if someone I don't know gives me a compliment I become convinced that it's somehow a underhanded insult. I don't know if these fears will ever completely go away. I really hope so.

This is very similar to how I feel. The laughing, or hearing people talking is a big one for me. My friends though get the worst of it. I doubt their sincerity at every turn when it comes to complimenting my looks. I feel almost traumatized from my own insecurities I developed during transition so far. But that word is to severe for what I am trying to describe. 2 years hrt for me come October 16th!!!

11 months for me.  Others laughter used to be an issue, but as I pass more and more the laughing means less and less because they are not laughing at me. 

I'm an old Star Trek fan.  Remember the episode with the OK Corral?  The bullets are not real, they cannot hurt me... The laughter is not directed at me, no one is 100% sure where I fall. 

It's mental control.  They are not laughing at you!  And if they are, who really cares?

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I saw a meme somewhere that adequately summed up the entirety of the first two years on HRT:

Pre-HRT: Woohoo!  I'm coming out.  I'm a butterfly!  Hold my beer and watch this!
1 Year HRT: Yeah, I've gotten raped, sexually harassed, belittled and made fun of, I'm a hot mess.
2 Years HRT: <^>(>_>) Ain't even worried 'bout y'all no more.

It becomes less of an issue in terms of how other people see you and more of an issue of how you see yourself, and with time and effort (and if you're my age, $$$) it does get better.  Of course, dependent on your self confidence and perception of yourself you could practically flip those two around.

Keep that chin up and them shoulders back, Tasha.  You got this.

Quote from: Mallory on October 03, 2017, 08:44:22 PM
Pre-HRT: Woohoo!  I'm coming out.  I'm a butterfly!  Hold my beer and watch this!
1 Year HRT: Yeah, I've gotten raped, sexually harassed, belittled and made fun of, I'm a hot mess.
2 Years HRT: <^>(>_>) Ain't even worried 'bout y'all no more.

I better be ready for what's to come lol.

Quote from: Mallory on October 03, 2017, 08:44:22 PM
I saw a meme somewhere that adequately summed up the entirety of the first two years on HRT:

Pre-HRT: Woohoo!  I'm coming out.  I'm a butterfly!  Hold my beer and watch this!
1 Year HRT: Yeah, I've gotten raped, sexually harassed, belittled and made fun of, I'm a hot mess.
2 Years HRT: <^>(>_>) Ain't even worried 'bout y'all no more.

It becomes less of an issue in terms of how other people see you and more of an issue of how you see yourself, and with time and effort (and if you're my age, $$$) it does get better.  Of course, dependent on your self confidence and perception of yourself you could practically flip those two around.

Keep that chin up and them shoulders back, Tasha.  You got this.

Haha I just reposted it a couple weeks ago!!!

I wish I was kidding when I say this, but all of those things had happened to me by 1 year and 2 months almost exactly, when I was attacked by my friend.

You fit into society a hell of a lot better when you get rid of that dam P word.

Quote from: TashaL on October 03, 2017, 11:05:29 PM
I wish I was kidding when I say this, but all of those things had happened to me by 1 year and 2 months almost exactly, when I was attacked by my friend.

Very sad to hear that Tasha, hugs. X

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Quote from: Denise on October 03, 2017, 03:30:15 PM
11 months for me.  Others laughter used to be an issue, but as I pass more and more the laughing means less and less because they are not laughing at me. 

I'm an old Star Trek fan.  Remember the episode with the OK Corral?  The bullets are not real, they cannot hurt me... The laughter is not directed at me, no one is 100% sure where I fall. 

It's mental control.  They are not laughing at you!  And if they are, who really cares?

Sent from my LG-H910 using Tapatalk

That's a great attitude to have. I think in time I will be able to think that way too. I've never had anyone laugh at me in public and no one who didn't know me before transition has outed me as trans. The problem is when I was in school people laughed AT me a lot. And they made sure I knew they were laughing at me. So when I hear people laughing in public it makes me cringe. I hope I can get over it in time.

Quote from: TashaL on October 03, 2017, 11:05:29 PM
I wish I was kidding when I say this, but all of those things had happened to me by 1 year and 2 months almost exactly, when I was attacked by my friend.

No means no, not "aw, it's okay, keep trying." :/

Quote from: Mallory on October 04, 2017, 09:24:26 AM
No means no, not "aw, it's okay, keep trying." :/

You never said no. Instead you grabbed me by the throat and held me under the water. We had a history. I had lost one of my virginitys to you. I had done nothing inappropriate. I have witnesses. I should have stopped, I see now, you were uncomfortable. But there was no valid reason to attack me. I have had to go through PTSD counseling because of you. I pretty much had to quit my job because of it. It was not alright what you did. Also please stay off my posts here. I was just trying to reach out to fellow trans, not relive one of the most traumatizing events of my life.

 

Topic locked for the moment. It is getting very heated. It seems with good reason. However, most of us were not there and cannot help judge who is right or wrong. Please work this out if you choose to do so between each other.

I will be consulting with the staff to decide if this should be edited, unlocked or just removed.

I know you have both gone through what sounds like a very tough time together. However, this is currently  the equivalent of having this loud discussion in a crowded restaurant. There are a lot of people with similar problems and triggers. If either of you would like to contact me or any of the staff about reopening this, please do so.

Sincerely,
Jacqueline