Hey.

I've just gone past my 1 year post-op mark, and dilation is still an issue. I can spend hours laying on my bed trying to will myself into feeling able to dilate, but its like there some mental block. I just do not want to dilate, it feels alien to me and it takes me so long to feel 'ready' to start dilating. Maybe part of the problem is that the vagina its self is SO unaccommodating, I have a small dildo that I purchased specifically to help try loosen me up before I use the actual dilator, it's about the width of a thin hot-dog sausage, and even that is a bitch to get in. After a while i'm able to get things into it without an issue, but its that initial insertion and first 5 to 10 minutes where it just feels like my vagina is fighting against me. I know the old 'relax your muscles' thing is something I can expect to hear, but I literally have no idea what muscle i'm supposed to relax because as far as i'm aware, i'm not clenching anything, nor can I feel any muscle TO relax.
This bothers me greatly, not only because it makes dilation an absolute cow every day, but if I ever decide to attempt intercourse with a person, what am I supposed to do? Say "Give me 35mins to pry myself open, and then we can have sex" because that just sounds horrendous. Not that i'm even thinking about sex at all right now, as the area is the least erogenous part of my body now. I am going to see my surgical nurse on the 11th, so maybe that will shed some light on the situation.

Any thoughts and opinions are welcome.

Thanks for reading that spiel if you made it this far. 

It works best to relax everything below the waist. I find that putting my  back at a 45 degree angle and having my body bend at the waist is the best position to dilate in. I use a couple of pillows for this and if you don't already have them, firm foam pillows work well for this. This give my arms enough reach and I don't need to use any muscles to maintain my position. Even after the dilator is in, coughing, sneezing or giggling is sufficient to tighten the muscles causing the dilator to be expelled. Even after all this time, it still takes a bit over a minute for the dilator to reach full depth and from what I understand, slow insertion is required as a part of normal sex.

Have you looked into Suporn's dynamic dilation technique? I think it might help.