I didn't want to. But it happened anyway. I think I'm in love...with my best friend. I don't want to destroy our long friendship. I had a crush on her before. I guess it never went away completely.

I got two hugs from her today. They were long and warm. This messes my head up seriously.

She knows I'm transgender and bisexual. I got a lot of glances and smiles from her today. I was eating dinner with her, at her place.

Why am I so awfully bad at reading body language? Or minds for that matter. I need to know what those smiles means.

I know I'm married. I know I'm not allowed to act on my feelings. But you can't tell the heart that is wrong. The heart won't listen. I always live in my head. My brain controls my life. But now the heart is involved in my thoughts and decisions...this can only end in a catastrophy.

I need her support if my husband decides to kick me out when I start transition. And he propably will.

I know she likes me a lot. Propably too much, but has not said anything. She used to have a pic of me as background image on her computer.

When I think things are about to untangle I skydive head first right into next mess.

AAAAARGGHHHH!!!!




Tony

Welcome to the club! 

The more you come to accept and realize just exactly who the "Real" you is... well, the more your head is going to explode. Old paradigms BTS. How you saw the world, your world, spun like a top and feeling dizzy from it.

"IF" she is truly a friend FIRST, then you should have no problem, aside a touch of having to deal with embarrassment, of actually asking her "What is Up?". If you were wrong in your assessment, then a drink or two later and some good natured ribbing it will all be OK. Embarrassment applies to you both., if you were wrong.  But if right?  OMG, NOW What?

Haha.  Thank you for the club invitation. What's up? I'll ask her that.

We have been friends for almost 15 years. I want to keep it at friends but at the same time...maybe I need to say something to her.

Last time I had a huge crush on her I hugged her tightly for atleast a minute before I realized it was time to stop. Waaaay over accepted time for just a friendly hug. She didn't mind though. She hugged me back as tight. That scared me off a bit. I almost avoided her for a while.

She is messing up my head. Or maybe it's me messing up my head.

From what you said, it looks like things will eventually unfold. She probably knows how you feel about her, and it sound like she is comfortable at least with it. Who know...

I had a crush on a girl 6 years ago, long before I even knew the word "transgender". We used to chat a lot. Hours, until sunrise. We chatted on facebook, so we only knew each other by photos. We always said "we should meet at a café or something, to meet face to face and have a nice talk. It never happened. Probably because we knew that would lead to something happening, and we both had our own partners at that time. ALso I couldn't even conceive she having any interest on me.

We weren't so close as you and your friend, but we've been together for more than a year by now. And I couldn't be happier. Unexpected things DO happen.

She might have same feelings to you, but don't allow herself to act on those out of respect to your marriage.


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Quote from: elkie-t on October 07, 2017, 08:07:48 AM
She might have same feelings to you, but don't allow herself to act on those out of respect to your marriage.


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No. I won't.

Quote from: MeTonie on October 07, 2017, 09:49:44 AM

No. I won't.

Sorry, I meant to say - she might be holding herself back out of respect to your marriage.

Or she might still see you as a male and expect you to make the first move.

I was not planning to give you a marriage advice

It sounds like it is time for an awkward conversation with an old friend. But before that happens you had better fully understand what you are looking for and what boundaries need to be kept.

Quote from: Anne Blake on October 07, 2017, 05:40:03 PM
It sounds like it is time for an awkward conversation with an old friend. But before that happens you had better fully understand what you are looking for and what boundaries need to be kept.

I'm not looking for hooking up with her. I need her as a friend. I will stay on guard if things turn in the wrong direction.