I hesitate to respond, because on someone's continuum elsewhere in the forums, I am still just playing with gender. Nevertheless, in January, when I first started looking online, mtf seemed to be the only answer. This forum has made me realize there are other options.

So, when my wife and I had our first serious discussions about this over the weekend, I said I wasn't seeking to change my sex or orientation, but I planned to continue pushing the gender boundaries. Something my supervisor said regarding stretching exercises resonated with me as an approach to gender: Push until you feel pressure; stop before you hurt something. The only thing I want to break are the boxes people put others into.

I don't know about unicorns, but I love being around dairy cattle. My wife, though, never understood when I told her her big brown eyes were as beautiful as those of a Jersey cow.

Simone

I had a friend who identified with unicorns, I might have loved her once. She now belongs to a televangelist Christian cult 

I don't think I ever identified as transsexual, but I had considered it. Particularly last year as my dysphoria was getting real bad, and it still is. I did one of those stupid tests which suggested I could be a late onset transsexual. But I kept trying to imagine being a woman and it just did not fit. It was like an uncomfortable skin, kind of like the one I already have. I still have a sense of distaste at the thought of being a woman or a man.

Our beautiful gallant Nero is welcome in my part of the enchanted forest anytime, just look out for the winged monkeys.
edit: the satyrs also bite but if you give the some licorice they won't bother you.

...that was creepy, alison.  ...i don't even know what to say...

I thought I was ftm, but I never felt it strongly enough to do anything about it.  Does that still count as identifying as transexual?  It first occurred to me because I always write from a male point of view. 

Quote from: cindybc on February 24, 2008, 02:07:40 AM
I have removed this post because some were taking it wrongly and for that I will say I am sorry, it wasn't meant to be hurtful to anyone. I apologize deeply for the misunderstanding.

Cindy

I can't imagine you hurting anyone even by accident.   I don't know what you removed, but I'm sure it couldn't of been too bad.

Posted on: February 24, 2008, 05:14:24 PM

---

Quote from: NickSister on February 24, 2008, 01:43:02 PM
Our beautiful gallant Nero is welcome in my part of the enchanted forest anytime, just look out for the winged monkeys.
edit: the satyrs also bite but if you give the some licorice they won't bother you.

Careful you.  Those Monkeys are my gods.

what makes you think any of us would mind being bitten (among other things) by a satyr?


You should be worried about winged televangelists, if anything.  But not in Unicorn land.  We sharpen our horns on them.

Quote from: Rebis on February 24, 2008, 05:18:46 PM
Careful you.  Those Monkeys are my gods.

what makes you think any of us would mind being bitten (among other things) by a satyr?

You should be worried about winged televangelists, if anything.  But not in Unicorn land.  We sharpen our horns on them.

"In the worlds before Monkey, primal chaos reigned. Heavens sought order. But the phoenix can fly only when its feathers are grown. The four worlds formed again and yet again, as endless aeons wheeled and passed. Time and the pure essences of Heaven, the moisture of the Earth, the powers of the Sun and the Moon all worked upon a certain rock, old as creation. And it became magically fertile. That first egg was named "Thought". Tathagata Buddha, the Father Buddha, said, "With our thoughts, we make the World". Elemental forces caused the egg to hatch. From it came a stone monkey. The nature of Monkey was irrepressible!"

I love 'Monkey', the TV series.

(One of the Satyrs has Rabies...)

Quote from: NickSister on February 24, 2008, 05:25:45 PM
I love 'Monkey', the TV series.

(One of the Satyrs has Rabies...)

Oh my God!!  it isn't the one with the blue eyes is it?  Because we...   Oh no!


There's a series called 'Monkey'?   Why wasn't I told of this?

Have you been eating the soap again Rebis?

Yeah, Monkey is great, is is old though.You could probably see some on Youtube.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey_(TV_series).

There's soap I could be eating?


Why wasn't I told this?

Monkey was great....

and Cindy, sorry if I gave you the wrong idea, was being overvigilant for once...You are a lovely lady.

Quote from: Rebis on February 24, 2008, 08:11:17 PM
There's soap I could be eating?

Why wasn't I told this?

Sorry, you were frothing at the mouth and I only assumed.... hey, what have you been doing with the infected satyr  .

Just don't pass it on to the centaurs. You know how much I like my centaur, finger licking good.

Quote from: NickSister on February 24, 2008, 09:01:38 PM

Quote from: Rebis on February 24, 2008, 08:11:17 PM
There's soap I could be eating?

Why wasn't I told this?

Sorry, you were frothing at the mouth and I only assumed.... hey, what have you been doing with the infected satyr  .

Just don't pass it on to the centaurs. You know how much I like my centaur, finger licking good.

their fingers, or yours?   (I don't even know what that means)   

Hi Pica Pica. Me still around, no problems hon.
Sometimes I just got to go hide under that rock with my little critter friend, two pairs of eyes glowing and blinking at you in the dark under the rock.

Cindy

Um. Now that we've all learned to distrust overly cheerful red and blue unicorns.. 

For a while I considered myself MtF because, well, I want a female body. I've never really been near the high end of masculinity either, but on the other hand I've managed to find a social niche that doesn't feel like acting but doesn't result in abuse, so that's not really been a problem.  Over last summer it finally dawned on me on an emotional level that gender and sex are different, and that it's quite all right to wish to be where I am gender-wise while still having issues with my physical sex. This also led to the realisation that my solution to the physical issues does not need to be an either/or thing -- I don't need to pass perfectly as either male or female, it's sufficient to get somewhere where I'm comfortable with myself and don't get abused too much, just like what I've done with regard to gender.

I seriously still don't know whether I'm TS or not. Some low level of my brain expects to be in a female body, and I've been aware of this about as long as I can remember. On the other hand, the dysphoria is mild enough that I can weigh the pros and cons of various treatment options on both intellectual and emotional levels, and even come to the conclusion that keeping my male body parts is something I am willing to contribute to the relationship I have. Also, I have never really had a desire to be seen as a woman; I just want to be seen as something that fits in society. Right now I suppose I might consider myself a borderline TS, or a TS in remission.

As for taking steps, I went as far as to find a therapist, and get a finasteride prescription to delay hair loss. With the latter I was happy to find myself in the minority who get breast growth as a side effect, and at least for the moment that is sufficient to keep my somatic issues in check. Might look for surgical options for the hair issue later on, when it's clear how much of that is needed.

Mostly, though, I've just stopped worrying that people find out I'm not really a man.

  Nfr

Quote from: Seshatneferw on February 25, 2008, 06:55:38 AM
As for taking steps, I went as far as to find a therapist, and get a finasteride prescription to delay hair loss. With the latter I was happy to find myself in the minority who get breast growth as a side effect, and at least for the moment that is sufficient to keep my somatic issues in check. Might look for surgical options for the hair issue later on, when it's clear how much of that is needed.

Mostly, though, I've just stopped worrying that people find out I'm not really a man.

  Nfr

I seem to remember you wrote about the finasteride effect once before, as have I. I am taking the 5 mg dose to shrink the prostate. I chuckle that, given the supposed rarity of breast growth, there should be 2 of us so affected in this forum. I love my breast buds; they look just like the photos of Tanner Stage 2 that are on some other website. My wife has finally acknowledged that they are growing, but dismisses them as "so small", and can't understand why I would want them when she finds her much larger Stage 5 breasts to be a nuisance.

All I can say is small suits me fine at the moment; small lets me get used to them without coming out to the world at large. And they do keep growing--slowly. Will they ever reach Stage 3? How big will they ultimately get? Will other parts of my body react as if I were on hormone therapy? Yeah, it probably is time to see a gender therapist.

And as for being over the fear someone will find I am not really a man, sometimes and in some situations I feel that way, too.

Best wishes,
Simone

Quote from: Rebis on February 24, 2008, 10:16:00 PM
their fingers, or yours?   (I don't even know what that means)   

- , Mine, after using them to eat fried centaurs. Kentucky Fried Centaur, finger licking good.

Centaurs and Unicorns aside - I have been thinking about hormones and what I would like to achieve. I think even a small change would be brilliant compared to the current status quo, but I guess hormones are not always so predictable. While I could quite happy if the hormones taking things further than intended (which they probably do eventually on doses that make a difference)  I don't think my wife would be so happy. I'm hoping we can strike a happy compromise. I think the psychological benefits are really where it is at, though my body dysphoria has been rather severe lately. I have not really found much information on hormone use for us non-binaries. At best I've heard mention that it is possible but nothing actually says what is possible and what is 'healthy'. I should probably go talk to an endo. 

One one hand I worry a bit about the possible side effects, not to mention loss of family, and being descriminated against for being this inbetween man/woman thing, but on the other I am pretty miserable now and declining slowly. I suspect I am comming to the balance point.

Interestingly Helen Boyds Husband Betty said that she is only taking an androgen blocker...

For many years I wanted to ID as a TS.  It was after all, the sexy deal, the prime gender deal, oh to change and make it all better.  Oh to be the top of the pops in the gender wars - how exciting is that.

But, given my nature, I did seek out others like that, and, in the end, found out that it was not me.  That is not saying anything for or against them, it just was not me, and that was open and shut.

(And, in no small terms, it was awesome to be in a place where that could happen.)

A couple if them are still very close friends, not the least of which was that I was as honest with them, as they had been with me.  They like me for being me, in the same way I like them for being them.

Though the entire virgin deal, I must admit I don't understand.  I worked 20 hours in a day last week putting on Marylin Manson, unicorns I get, virgins I never saw.

Hi well I did have a post but called it back to make a correction and *POOF1* The post is gone.



Cindy

I never really identified with TS. But then again, I never really identified with Male, or Female. It crossed my mind, but it didn't really stick. Nothing really stuck until I thought Androgynous and I was like "Hey, that's me."

As a side note, I used to read some VERY old fables and stories, and I happen to know a bit of background as to why you have to be a virgin to approach a unicorn. Most people think it's because unicorns are afraid or dislike non-virgins, and actually that's not the case at all (at least not originally from what I learned in my research).

In fact, unicorns purify things. If there is a river that is doing poorly, the unicorn need just dip it's horn into the water and bam, it's fresh happy clean water. That's why the forests around unicorns are so beautiful and pristine, they are constantly being purified by unicorns. When a unicorn sees someone as not pure (which most people think of as being non-virgin, but it can also be not pure of heart) the unicorn tries to purify the person. Oddly enough, stabbing a human (usually through the heart) with the horn was fatal to humans (although it would still purify them, and thus they would die a virgin). So non-virgins shouldn't approach unicorns because they are DANGEROUS, not because the unicorns are afraid. (In certain stories a person who had done horrible things would go sacrifice them self to a unicorn in order to die pure of heart and go to heaven)

Luckily, I think most of the unicorns here have been taught to not stab random people, because it's just not polite. We'll gladly let someone continue along being happily non-pure.

Quote from: NickSister on February 25, 2008, 03:07:35 PM
Interestingly Helen Boyds Husband Betty said that she is only taking an androgen blocker...

That statement jumped out at me, too (I may have to read the book), so I went straight to our wiki. Finasteride is way down the list. Spironolactone and Cyproterone Acetate are most commonly used, though the latter can cause liver damage. The article said estrogen and androgen blockers are often used together, but not why or how they differ in action.

I have also wondered if a halfway hormonal treatment were possible and what effects it would have. I also worry about how if would affect social relationships and particularly the relationship with my wife. One of the other posters, I forget who, wrote about being on hormone therapy and stopping. Perhaps someone who has done that could write more about its effects.

Simone

Of all the books I've ever read about this, "My Husband Betty" is close to the worse.  At least in "Transexual Empire" JR makes a rational argument.  Even if its wrong.