Says it in the tile. I've been stuck in the same mental place for the last 10 years and am desperate to either move on with my life or take the plunge and start hormones. I've always wanted to be a girl and have always been super jealous of girls and get really sad when I think about the fact that I am not one. I makes me feel really bad when I think about how much I wish that was my life.m sometimes. But at the same time I'm not unhappy being masculine and actually enjoy feeling handsome strong attractive etc when I'm living as a guy. Though I enjoy feeling cute girly and attractive as a girl even more. I could probably be fine with living as a guy and just accept that even though I would rather be a girl, I'm not, so just enjoy what I do have and try and put it in the back of my mind. It just seems so much easier than living life as a trans girl coming out to my family and friends, dealing with it impacts on my job/ career in the construction industry. I don't have any obvious dysphoria as far as being uncomfortable in my body as a guy. It's like deep down I have always been 100% I would have rather been born a girl but I can't decide between if I would be happier living as a trans girl or a cis guy. Because what I want, to be a cis girl, will depressingly never be an option. Any advice on how to decide what is right for me so I can get on with my life ??

Also here are pics for anyone who is curious. I am 25, pre hrt and only present as a girl occasionally in private right now. Would love to know what you think, how you think I will do on hrt, and if you think I will be attractive as a girl once it's all said and done and be able to go stealth.
Girl = https://imgur.com/a/BLNfB
Guy = https://imgur.com/a/RrAop

I cant really give any advice other than talk to a gender therapist but i will say this, if you feel that given the choice you would have been born a girl there probably something there to explore. By the way if you go for it, you already look pretty so try not to stress about looks.

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Let's start with the obvious. Your options probably aren't between cis guy and trans woman. From the way you've described yourself, you aren't a cis guy. Almost definitionally cis guys don't wish they were born girls.  That doesn't necessarily make the other half of the dichotomy true. You may indeed be a binary trans woman, or you may fall somewhere else under the trans umbrella. That's a question you get to explore at your leisure. You get to define who you are and what that means in your life. But based on your initial post, I'm betting that you are under the trans umbrella.

So, you're almost certainly trans, what do you do about it? That's another question you get to explore. You say you're not dysphoric, but that longing and jealousy reminds me of my own dysphoria. I was more defined by what I wanted to be than what I disliked about what I was. There is no one size fits all definition for dysphoria. But I got distracted. You want to know what comes next.

The answer is: exploration that you feel comfortable with. Maybe that means a therapist to help you articulate your desires. Maybe it means getting some hair removed. Maybe it means trying on new names and pronouns with trusted friends. Maybe it means starting HRT on a trial basis. The big myth that baby trans people have is that transition is one big thing. It ain't, it's a small series of little things that may eventually add up to a big thing. None of them commit you to the others, so you can explore then at your leisure.

Also, I'm just judging from a single picture,  but in that pic you already pass. You look lovely!

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Welcome to Susan's Place. While therapy is always a good idea, your other option is testing the role. Spend as much time  in the feminine role as possible. You could switch to it after work, do all your shopping and spend your weekends exclusively in the feminine role. If that goes well, then consider switching to the feminine role at work. You don't need to make a final decision now and at any point you can say no if it's not right for you. RLE is normally a requirement for surgery for this reason. Even if we think we are sure we want surgery, living full time will determine if it's right for us.

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First of all, when I saw this picture I thought it was a fully transitioned transwoman dealing with something different. You already look absolutely beautiful and passable and will get even more gorgeous on hormones.

Second, I can relate to these bolded statements:

Quote from: Courtney.lane408 on October 10, 2017, 09:11:42 PM
But at the same time I'm not unhappy being masculine and actually enjoy feeling handsome strong attractive etc when I'm living as a guy. Though I enjoy feeling cute girly and attractive as a girl even more. I could probably be fine with living as a guy and just accept that even though I would rather be a girl I'm not so just enjoy what I do have and try and put it in the back of my mind. It just seems so much easier than living life as a trans girl coming out to my family and friends, dealing with it impacts on my job/ career in the construction industry. I don't have any obvious dysphoria as far as being uncomfortable in my body as a guy. It's like deep down I have always been 100% I would have rather been born a girl but I can't decide between if I would be happier living as a trans girl or a cis guy. Because what I want, to be a cis girl, will depressingly never be an option. Any advice on how to decide what is right for me so I can get on with my life ??

I don't really have a physical dysphoria. Most of my life I've enjoyed getting attention because of my looks, even if I looked like a man. But the thoughts were always there. At 29, I am on therapy and HRT, after dealing with this for pretty much all my life. Still living as a guy cuz I just started but hoping to switch at some point.

So the point is that not all trans people hate their bodies or have to. It's ok if you like feeling attractive, whether as a man or as a woman. It's very likely that your dysphoria is social and not physical. Only you can understand what's best for yourself, but the first step as everyone else said, is therapy. Keep in mind that if this is bothering so much then probably this is bigger than you think, so just repressing it and trying to forget it will not work.

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on October 11, 2017, 12:20:29 AM
First of all, when I saw this picture I thought it was a fully transitioned transwoman dealing with something different. You already look absolutely beautiful and passable and will get even more gorgeous on hormones.

So the point is that not all trans people hate their bodies or have to. It's ok if you like feeling attractive, whether as a man or as a woman. It's very likely that your dysphoria is social and not physical. Only you can understand what's best for yourself, but the first step as everyone else said, is therapy. Keep in mind that if this is bothering so much then probably this is bigger than you think, so just repressing it and trying to forget it will not work.

    Totally agree with you on the pic, she looks very passable even without HRT.

    However, the impression I get is that her dysphoria is physical and not social. Most people (including transwomen) get self esteem boosts from others' compliments. As she stated, even when people like her looks when presenting as male, she still feels like she should be physically female. Sometimes (in my case for instance,) self denial and trying to take the easiest road caused me to be somewhat happy with any success I achieved, be it dating, sports, military etc. The more attractive my physique was, the less dysphoria I felt, mostly due to how successful I felt. There was always the underlying dissatisfaction though, occasionally building up to a point of suicidal depression. Though common, this extreme is not always the case. I definitely agree with everyone else when it comes to a need to seek therapy, if for no other reason than to understand yourself better.

   Keep in mind, either path you choose won't be as easy as it is for a cisgender. The easy path is well traveled, for the very simple reason that it is easy, though it rarely leads to fulfillment. The harder path is lonelier and occasionally disheartening, but just about guarantees true feelings of joy once you reach the end of it. Not everyone is strong enough to take the less beaten path though. Whichever path you discover is the one for you, take heart, for You Are Not Alone! We are all here to support each other, regardless of where or who we are in life. Stay Safe and Be Strong.

HUGS!

If you never ventured out as a girl, I think you should. You are very passable, and it's more fun to go out. Then, you could do a few things that would improve your female image without being too obvious - remove facial hair, grow out your own, shape eye brows, shave your body. Maybe, you'll enjoy it so much, that coming out won't look too big of a problem. Or maybe after some time you'll get tired of the need of higher maintenance and decide it's not worth it?


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Hi, Courtney, and welcome.

I felt like you do most of my life.  I didn't hate my male body, and I took good care of it.  But I always wished I could be a woman.

Quote from: Courtney.lane408 on October 10, 2017, 09:11:42 PMI could probably be fine with living as a guy and just accept that even though I would rather be a girl, I'm not, so just enjoy what I do have and try and put it in the back of my mind.

I thought this, too.  I tried it most of my life, but the longing to be a woman kept getting stronger and stronger.  Don't believe that, just because you don't hate your body, you don't have dysphoria.  That incessant longing IS dysphoria.  Dysphoria comes in many flavours and intensities.  And it does get stronger with time.

As the other respondents have said, I would recommend that you explore your feelings and desires with a therapist.  I have no doubt that you are transgender, but you will want to get some more clarity on what you feel and what you want to do about it.  A therapist is the best place to start.

It took me until I was 61 to do anything about it.  I don't recommend that you wait that long.

Quote from: KathyLauren on October 11, 2017, 06:42:09 AM
Hi, Courtney, and welcome.

I felt like you do most of my life.  I didn't hate my male body, and I took good care of it.  But I always wished I could be a woman.
I thought this, too.  I tried it most of my life, but the longing to be a woman kept getting stronger and stronger.  Don't believe that, just because you don't hate your body, you don't have dysphoria.  That incessant longing IS dysphoria.  Dysphoria comes in many flavours and intensities.  And it does get stronger with time.

As the other respondents have said, I would recommend that you explore your feelings and desires with a therapist.  I have no doubt that you are transgender, but you will want to get some more clarity on what you feel and what you want to do about it.  A therapist is the best place to start.

It took me until I was 61 to do anything about it.  I don't recommend that you wait that long.

Wow.  Pretty much "ditto" on Kathy Lauren's  answer.

Most of the time I didn't hate my male body it was more that it just felt wrong and total jealousy just about anytime I saw a woman in a skirt.  I always wanted to transition but for a long time convinced myself that I couldn't or didn't need to.

The noise in my head got to the point where I needed to figure out just what was going on. A little more than a year ago I went to therapist for first time at age 54.

Sometime after that I realized that all the things I liked to do as a male I could still do as a female (golf being my major "male" activity) and that I needed to transition. 

As to your question about how you look as female, until I read further after seeing the photo first, I thought you had already started transition. 

I will add that if you have a significant other, you will need to tell them about whatever is going on sooner rather than later.  My wife did know that I cross dressed, but that was as much I felt I could let on.  Thinking I never would transition,  I pretty much tried to hide that part from everyone else.  I also hid from her that it was possibly more than that.  I never physically cheated on her, but the secrecy involved in the way I dealt with my feelings is the biggest issue we are having right now. 

So basically repeating what everyone else is saying, go see a therapist yesterday and figure out what is right for you.



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Yeah, I thought you were already transitioned too with that first picture. You've got zero to worry about based on it. Actually remind me a bit of a combination of the actresses Kirsten Johnson from Third Rock from the Sun and Kaitlin Olsen from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

I will pile on with the crowd with saying I felt the same way about being male, and that my issue was what I wanted to be more than about what I was. You'll find it is actually a very common sentiment, perhaps even more so than the common assumption regarding transgender individuals absolutely despising their current body. I know I was always stuck in limbo because I felt that I didn't qualify as transgender simply because I didn't have extreme dysphoria, and it helps to recognize that is a bit of a cliche and not always the case. (Or rather I should say that dysphoria manifests in ways other than the desire to immediately be rid of male genitals at all costs and certainly doesn't always carry with it that absolute certainty of the 5 year old in the news headlines declaring emphatically they are the gender opposite their birth assignation.)

Also, is it just me or does everyone look so much sadder in their assigned gender pictures? (Well, at least mtf in guy mode. I haven't seen a lot of ftm pictures in girl mode.)

Courtney! Hi!

I'm just starting down this trail too.

I'm learning that people experience dysphoria in so many ways. For me it's more of the incessant longing and dreaming/wishing. I did have a super immersive experience and that caused some deep soulful mourning when I could no longer take on that role. That was kind of the straw that broke the camels back as they say.

I have found dysphoria gets worse as you continue going forward taking steps towards femininity.

I recommend you work on getting a gender therapist as soon as possible and don't rush your journey too much. If you're making movement on this, you're not stagnating anymore youre doing the work! Moving fast isn't necessarily going to make you feel better or equal to good outcomes. Giving yourself time to work out who you are and where you are on the spectrum is super important. I personally think a good therapist is best but YMMV.

I owe that advice to the lovely ladies here, on youtube, and on medium. These avenues do help with dysphoria in the long lulls between progress.

Quote from: katiekatt on October 11, 2017, 03:46:29 PM
I'm just starting down this trail too.

I'm learning that people experience dysphoria in so many ways. For me it's more of the incessant longing and dreaming/wishing. I did have a super immersive experience and that caused some deep soulful mourning when I could no longer take on that role. That was kind of the straw that broke the camels back as they say.

I have found dysphoria gets worse as you continue going forward taking steps towards femininity.

    It is entirely possible that this feeling (dysphoria) gets better as you more fully come to terms with who you are, and start seeing physical changes. It was that way for me at least. Initially, I became more depressed as the full weight of my situation and feelings of lack of control over it bore down on me with the weight of an elephant. As I started to see progress, this feeling has been fading away. Now that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and chart my progress towards it, most of the dysphoria is being replaced by a much more manageable impatience. There is still the general dysphoria regarding whats currently between my legs, and probably will be until the glorious day that I'm post-op. But I can't do anything about that at the moment, so I may as well make the best of it and focus on what I can control.

    However, I definitely agree with all the suggestions to seek counseling. Even if you don't find it immediately mentally or emotionally helpful, it is still the first step if you plan on transitioning. Often it is required before being prescribed HRT. Just remember that we are all here to support you. Stay Safe and Strong.

HUGS!

Quote from: JennyBear on October 11, 2017, 03:57:26 PM
    It is entirely possible that this feeling (dysphoria) gets better as you more fully come to terms with who you are, and start seeing physical changes. It was that way for me at least. Initially, I became more depressed as the full weight of my situation and feelings of lack of control over it bore down on me with the weight of an elephant. As I started to see progress, this feeling has been fading away. Now that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and chart my progress towards it, most of the dysphoria is being replaced by a much more manageable impatience. There is still the general dysphoria regarding whats currently between my legs, and probably will be until the glorious day that I'm post-op. But I can't do anything about that at the moment, so I may as well make the best of it and focus on what I can control.

    However, I definitely agree with all the suggestions to seek counseling. Even if you don't find it immediately mentally or emotionally helpful, it is still the first step if you plan on transitioning. Often it is required before being prescribed HRT. Just remember that we are all here to support you. Stay Safe and Strong.

HUGS!

I think hormones and physical changes are going to be huge. I mean I've felt euphoria at just the freedom of being me for sure, but the dysphoria when I have to continue accepting my life as it is now is worse as well. I'm hoping youre exactly right!

If that makes any sense! lol, it did when I typed it!

Quote from: katiekatt on October 11, 2017, 04:09:20 PM
I think hormones and physical changes are going to be huge. I mean I've felt euphoria at just the freedom of being me for sure, but the dysphoria when I have to continue accepting my life as it is now is worse as well. I'm hoping youre exactly right!
If that makes any sense! lol, it did when I typed it!

    I hope I am too, and not merely for the ego boost of being right, but for your happiness as well. It may help to consider that whether or not you transition, the road will be filled with struggle, but which path has the more desired outcome. You don't have to accept your current situation other than being realistic about what steps you can and can't currently achieve. Ambition for something better provides the needed motivation for change. Even if that euphoria comes and goes, it is a preview of what your life can be once your journey nears its end. I hope this helps.

HUGS!

Susans and all the people here always seem to help!

Courtney,
I wish I had a face like yours! You're gorgeous!

Quote from: katiekatt on October 11, 2017, 08:12:53 PM
Courtney,
I wish I had a face like yours! You're gorgeous!

    I totally agree. I'm jealous of her uber femme jaw and brow lines.

As other people (and me) said before - you register as a female based on your pictures.

Unlike what others said - you don't have to do nothing. It's more of a question of what you want, and how much price are you ready to pay for it. Especially - how much are you ready to pay (because no one cares about your wants that you aren't willing to pay for - be it humiliation, emotional or physical suffering, or plain stupid boring almighty money).

When what you have is no longer acceptable to you, you will find a way to raise stakes and make your life interesting to you again.

Ps: old Chinese curse - may you live in an interesting times.


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Quote from: JennyBear on October 11, 2017, 09:00:57 PM
    I totally agree. I'm jealous of her uber femme jaw and brow lines.

I'm just seeing all this messages and I'm gonna try and respond to everyone because there is so much amazing advice on here and you guys are so nice for giving me your time! I'm trying to digest everything now haha.

But awh I hope so, it feels amazing when someone says that you have a pretty face so thank you for that. When am in guy mode I have doubts.


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Quote from: Tamika Olivia on October 10, 2017, 10:23:06 PM
Let's start with the obvious. Your options probably aren't between cis guy and trans woman. From the way you've described yourself, you aren't a cis guy. Almost definitionally cis guys don't wish they were born girls.  That doesn't necessarily make the other half of the dichotomy true. You may indeed be a binary trans woman, or you may fall somewhere else under the trans umbrella. That's a question you get to explore at your leisure. You get to define who you are and what that means in your life. But based on your initial post, I'm betting that you are under the trans umbrella.

So, you're almost certainly trans, what do you do about it? That's another question you get to explore. You say you're not dysphoric, but that longing and jealousy reminds me of my own dysphoria. I was more defined by what I wanted to be than what I disliked about what I was. There is no one size fits all definition for dysphoria. But I got distracted. You want to know what comes next.

The answer is: exploration that you feel comfortable with. Maybe that means a therapist to help you articulate your desires. Maybe it means getting some hair removed. Maybe it means trying on new names and pronouns with trusted friends. Maybe it means starting HRT on a trial basis. The big myth that baby trans people have is that transition is one big thing. It ain't, it's a small series of little things that may eventually add up to a big thing. None of them commit you to the others, so you can explore then at your leisure.

Also, I'm just judging from a single picture,  but in that pic you already pass. You look lovely!

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Thanks for your response I really appreciate it! One thing I am definitely realizing is that you are right it's never gonna be one big decision. I'm never gonna know for sure one way or another, and no amount of pondering / anlyazing my thoughts / Talking to people is gonna convince me one way or another either. That is what I have been doing for the past 10 years since I was 15 and it hasn't worked.

What I'm allowing myself to do now is to embrace this littlle by little. I've started presenting female more and more at my house and am talking with and hanging out with other trans girls in my area now. I think the only way this is gonna work for me is that if the times where I am presenting female with the other girls and at home by myself and whenever  become when I'm happier and more comfortable and then I notice I'm not as happy in guy mode in comparison and I would rather just get to stay in girl mode for longer and longer each time than I'll come out to my friends and family and transition. If I find out that while I like presenting as a girl and being in social situations as a girl but I also miss my guy mode and do want to go back to it sometimes then transitioning probably isn't right for me. I just think I have to give it a real world test run that isn't half assed crossdressing ->-bleeped-<-. The only way I'm gonna know what would make me happier is trying both with max like effort and immersion and seeing which I like better. The trick is how do I do this without coming out to my friends and family when I live in the same city, Richmond Virginia, as I grew up in?


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Quote from: elkie-t on October 11, 2017, 06:11:15 AM
If you never ventured out as a girl, I think you should. You are very passable, and it's more fun to go out. Then, you could do a few things that would improve your female image without being too obvious - remove facial hair, grow out your own, shape eye brows, shave your body. Maybe, you'll enjoy it so much, that coming out won't look too big of a problem. Or maybe after some time you'll get tired of the need of higher maintenance and decide it's not worth it?


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Yeah this in real life practical sense makes the most sense. I'm just letting my self be more and more feminine, present as a girl more and more. If I decided then that I would rather just get to stay a girl forever and not have to go back to being a guy for work or to hang with my old friends then I guess there is my answer time to transtion. It's that simple. What my family and friends think, how it will effect my career, interactions with strangers, love life is important yes but it should not have anything to do with this decision in the end.


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