So, I watched a bunch of the videos from thetransitionchannel. She's very straightforward. The video about excuses really hit home. I needed to hear that and needed to hear it that bluntly.

Two things she said hit home.
I want you to find another transgender MtF, and I want you to have face to face time with them." This has been very difficult, but I'm working on it.
You can start wearing women's underwear even if you're not ready to transition. I felt like she was saying you have to try some things now.

So, I bought some cotton Hanes classic bikini undies. Then I read an article on Vice called The Girls Guide to Tucking your Dick. So I tuck, and they are on, and I put my boxers on over them, and then pants... and something happened.

I'll come back to the interim stuff in a minute.

Boy was that fast.

I felt so... weird. My hands and arms got loose, my gait changed. I felt like I was really workin' it. I loved it. Now I'm on my way to work, so I'm gonna have to tone it down, I know this. This was like something kind of melted away. I got scared but I pushed forward. I feel... incredible in a way. Like some part of me got shoved into the driver's seat for the first time. It's both scary and exhilarating. This part of me loves to drive.

ALSO, the thread "Re: Quickly increasing dysphoria(when before none to little) after self-recognition?"

No joke.

I had to go pee. So I did. Some discomfort detucking. As the video at thetransitionchanne said, I started sitting to pee today so that was new.

I got up finished and went tot he sink to wash my hands and while I was washing them I was smiling to myself and using the moment to be girly. I'm just diving in, right?

Then I was just filled with a kind of strange joy and I had my hands over my mouth and I looked up and saw myself. That bearded face. The feeling quickly changed and I almost started bawling. I had a really "dizzy" moment where I just felt like "What the heck is happening to me?".

I'm going down a road, that I am certain I wont be able to come back from. Part of me is scared, part of me does not care at all. I'm gonna talk to my therapist about all this on the first meeting but I think I really do need a MtF friend. Like a sponsor, heh, for those tough moments and words of support.

Now the bad, or the tough stuff.
**GRAPHIC DETAIL AHEAD**
The article talked about a lot of things. Heres my issues.

I feel great obviously until "it" starts trying to fight me, then I feel like I'm spending all my time thinking about "it", which is now uncomfortable. It's making me kind of hate it. Yanking and tugging on this thing is simultaneously uncomfortable and frustrating. It starts to get partially filled and becomes incorrigible! This must be what a bad hair day for a predator feels like.

The article suggests several techniques but almost all involve pulling the penis back in between the buttcheeks. Smaller size panties. I'm not very long when flaccid. So trying to pull it so far back is not working. It also suggested pushing the oysters up into the chutes the descended from long ago. It's great for about 10-15 minutes until I move too much or sit wrong. Then they won't stay, and I find myself with an uncomfortable mass that sometimes tweaks the wrong way and hurts. I tried the other method it suggested of bisecting the sac so they hang on either side with it in the middle shoved back but again, most of the time is spent just plain uncomfortable.

Do I just need to get used to it? Is readjusting every 30 minutes or so just the reality? I guess I'm asking too much that I just want the thing to feel as though it stopped existing and that's not realistic by shoving it back between my legs. Maybe these aren't the best panties?

For those 10-15 minutes though. Wow. It makes me wonder if a lot of my unhappiness isn't coming from all of this. More than I ever considered. Certainly not all of it, but... it's such a change.

I bought a gaff on glamour boutique, the brief back until I lose even more weight. I'm not super big but, I'm gonna slim up and then get some yoga down. I hope this will help. Tonight I'm going to remove hair on everything in those "areas". BTW... now that I'm here on this side of it... I tried to lose weight 1000 times. I just couldn't give a crap about this body. Over here, I'm fending off cravings so much easier. Like, thinking about this changed body is a motivation I never had, never knew I could have.

Advice is greatly appreciated.

I use spandex panties to tuck. I buy them one size smaller than I wear. They are strong enough to flatten out everything. I pull everything back between my legs and flatten it with the panties. It was uncomfortable the first week but it got better.  After tucking pretty much 24/7 for 2 years it's totally comfortable. My oysters stay up inside for quite a while when I untuck before dropping back down. This tucking method works great for me. I can wear tight clothes and even yoga pants and I'm totally smooth and flat down there.

Katie, I suspect that, with experimentation, you will discover what works for you.  As you probably know, there is considerable information out there (and widely varied opinions) about tucking.  I've never been a fan of gaffs, and I personally do not tuck much of the time when underdressing.  When I do tuck, I think the key is wearing a panty with a wide gusset that either has some spandex in the fabric for "holding power" or I will wear a light panty girdle brief over my panty.  When I am fully dressed I always wear foundation garments, so then everything is held quite firmly in place. 

For me, part of my dysphoria is that I find my male anatomy to be quite ugly, so I do prefer not to see it.  You can, btw, achieve a fairly flat front appearance (without tucking) simply with a control brief--and some are quite lovely with lace or floral patterns.

Julia, hi & thanks! Even yoga pants? Ohhhhh, I need to lose weight! It's taking so long, lol. Can I ask what brand and "shape" (is that correct?) they are?

So there's some adjustment to the panties in that area getting it all flat? Do you have to pull them tightly up more or... oh I guess you're saying the one size smaller does that work for you?

Nancy, Hello and thank you. Yes! There are so many opinions and so many of them involve tape. Hah, sometimes I make hasty decisions.  I ordered the gaff because I was just like, I want something that works! 

I wasn't sure what kinds of fabrics, or shapes so I figured if this thing was for specifically tucking maybe I could be sure. Oh well, lol. We'll see.

My hair was acting as a lubricant letting things "move" so I veeted (hair removing foam) like a LOT of everything going on down there. I'm finally caring about my appearance, I was starting to think something was wrong with me, and it was... I wasn't being true to myself.

I know there's no "functional reason" to tuck day to day in male clothes tee hee, but the videos did suggest it and I have to admit that I like how it seems like I don't have male parts. Like when I had it just right, it was like I couldn't tell they were there anymore, and that made me really happy. Of course, that just made it all the more frustrating cause then I spent all this time pushing and shoving to get back to that rightness and feeling only all that manhandling just made more issues.  I dont know if that counts as dysphoria but I cant personally deny the feeling.

I just had to google what a gusset and a panty girdle were haha. Are foundational garments synonymous with shapewear?

Thanks so much to both of you! 

Quote from: katiekatt on October 12, 2017, 10:31:19 AM
Julia, hi & thanks! Even yoga pants? Ohhhhh, I need to lose weight! It's taking so long, lol. Can I ask what brand and "shape" (is that correct?) they are?

So there's some adjustment to the panties in that area getting it all flat? Do you have to pull them tightly up more or... oh I guess you're saying the one size smaller does that work for you?

Nancy, Hello and thank you. Yes! There are so many opinions and so many of them involve tape. Hah, sometimes I make hasty decisions.  I ordered the gaff because I was just like, I want something that works! 

I wasn't sure what kinds of fabrics, or shapes so I figured if this thing was for specifically tucking maybe I could be sure. Oh well, lol. We'll see.

My hair was acting as a lubricant letting things "move" so I veeted (hair removing foam) like a LOT of everything going on down there. I'm finally caring about my appearance, I was starting to think something was wrong with me, and it was... I wasn't being true to myself.

I know there's no "functional reason" to tuck day to day in male clothes tee hee, but the videos did suggest it and I have to admit that I like how it seems like I don't have male parts. Like when I had it just right, it was like I couldn't tell they were there anymore, and that made me really happy. Of course, that just made it all the more frustrating cause then I spent all this time pushing and shoving to get back to that rightness and feeling only all that manhandling just made more issues.  I dont know if that counts as dysphoria but I cant personally deny the feeling.

I just had to google what a gusset and a panty girdle were haha. Are foundational garments synonymous with shapewear?

Thanks so much to both of you! 

The brand I use is Cupid. You can find them at Walmart. They call them stomach control panties. They are like granny panties made of Lycra/ Spandex.

I almost forgot, before you tuck it between your legs, wrap "it" with a little toilet paper. It helps keep things from slipping or moving.

Once you put the oysters in, you can wrap the base of your penis with some tape. That should prevent them from sliding back.


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Quote from: elkie-t on October 12, 2017, 11:30:51 AM
Once you put the oysters in, you can wrap the base of your penis with some tape. That should prevent them from sliding back.

I never would have thought of this!

Quote from: Julia1996 on October 12, 2017, 10:35:44 AM
The brand I use is Cupid. You can find them at Walmart. They call them stomach control panties. They are like granny panties made of Lycra/ Spandex.

Of course I'm in an area that does not carry that particular brand, BUT I looked them up and that gives me what I need to look for on what we do have here! Thanks so much!

I spent 10 minutes in that area looking for that brand, lol. I took out a piece of paper with some nonsense scribbled on it, hoping people would think I was just a clueless husband.

Quote from: katiekatt on October 12, 2017, 10:31:19 AM
Julia, hi & thanks! Even yoga pants? Ohhhhh, I need to lose weight! It's taking so long, lol. Can I ask what brand and "shape" (is that correct?) they are?

So there's some adjustment to the panties in that area getting it all flat? Do you have to pull them tightly up more or... oh I guess you're saying the one size smaller does that work for you?

Nancy, Hello and thank you. Yes! There are so many opinions and so many of them involve tape. Hah, sometimes I make hasty decisions.  I ordered the gaff because I was just like, I want something that works! 

I wasn't sure what kinds of fabrics, or shapes so I figured if this thing was for specifically tucking maybe I could be sure. Oh well, lol. We'll see.

My hair was acting as a lubricant letting things "move" so I veeted (hair removing foam) like a LOT of everything going on down there. I'm finally caring about my appearance, I was starting to think something was wrong with me, and it was... I wasn't being true to myself.

I know there's no "functional reason" to tuck day to day in male clothes tee hee, but the videos did suggest it and I have to admit that I like how it seems like I don't have male parts. Like when I had it just right, it was like I couldn't tell they were there anymore, and that made me really happy. Of course, that just made it all the more frustrating cause then I spent all this time pushing and shoving to get back to that rightness and feeling only all that manhandling just made more issues.  I dont know if that counts as dysphoria but I cant personally deny the feeling.

I just had to google what a gusset and a panty girdle were haha. Are foundational garments synonymous with shapewear?

Thanks so much to both of you! 

I forgot to answer your other question. Once you have the panties on reach down the front and push everything back and then pull them up tightly. It's going to be uncomfortable at first but you get used to it.

I've found that control top hose works great for me. Also gives a nice smoothing effect around hips to waist while at it. I read one post where someone just cuts off the legging part of a pair and uses them as well, but I personally like the leggings. Particularly because I don't have any girl socks yet, helps with shoes.

Quote from: Roll on October 13, 2017, 10:40:54 AM
I've found that control top hose works great for me. Also gives a nice smoothing effect around hips to waist while at it. I read one post where someone just cuts off the legging part of a pair and uses them as well, but I personally like the leggings. Particularly because I don't have any girl socks yet, helps with shoes.

Are they strong enough to keep things under wrap?

Quote from: Julia1996 on October 13, 2017, 10:49:53 AM
Are they strong enough to keep things under wrap?

I haven't been able to test them in day long or constant movement conditions, but definitely for just hanging around and getting up and walking around occasionally for a few hours. I usually wear them over a snug (not really too small, but form fitting) pair of panties and between the two nothing shifts and its very comfortable.

Roll, do you buy those a size small like Julia does the control panties?

Quote from: katiekatt on October 13, 2017, 05:59:14 PM
Roll, do you buy those a size small like Julia does the control panties?

For panty hose it doesn't really work like that I think, since it's made to hug your body and still stretch at the same time. Here is a size chart:
https://sizes.com/people/pantyhose.htm (This is just a size chart, so hopefully okay to link.)

I made an educated guess on my lower body shape and ignored the weight I actually am (since with T we carry weight differently to begin with, plus genetics, and I believe the chart assumes that the extra weight is going to be hips/butt) and went based entirely on height with a D. Fits perfectly. I feel like most people with male (for now) weight patterns coming in around the 5'10 to 6'2 area could probably get away with a D (unless you are super leggy, then I don't know really). The brand I ordered was "no nonsense all over shaper" or something like that.

There's no uniform size chart in us. Each seller/manufacturer offers its own. I think your approach is solid, but on that size chart I'd go with Q2. Yet, I never saw that size chart before - at best it would be D topped with Q, or extra large.

I am very athletic even for a male (8% of fat), yet still I never saw pantyhose that would be baggy on me (with 6'3" height). So - i'd go for the tallest, but won't totally discount my body weight if there are 2 options.


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Quote from: elkie-t on October 13, 2017, 09:10:06 PM
There's no uniform size chart in us. Each seller/manufacturer offers its own. I think your approach is solid, but on that size chart I'd go with Q2. Yet, I never saw that size chart before - at best it would be D topped with Q, or extra large.

I am very athletic even for a male (8% of fat), yet still I never saw pantyhose that would be baggy on me (with 6'3" height). So - i'd go for the tallest, but won't totally discount my body weight if there are 2 options.

Yeah, I should say that is the appropriate size chart I found for what walmart.com sells (which is fairly consistent so far, thankfully). (Or rather, it is same the method of sizing. I just grabbed an arbitrary one to show that it isn't sized the same as underwear and what not in general.)

For me I knew that I don't carry weight like 99% of people do, male or female. (Everyone one with my dad's genetics is the same way, including my little sister.) And in the case of these, I wanted something that wasn't strangling but at the same time would still be shaping (I'm going under the perhaps faulty assumption here that if it is too large, even if its not baggy it might not be shaping). As such, I made an estimate based on the general "look" of my lower body being something that would be perfectly at home on a man or woman weighing 150-170 pounds (I'm 220). (Seriously, my family is freakish on weight.) I also knew that most (not all, but most) women who weigh 220 pounds were going to be significantly wider in the thighs/hips than I am, and that sizes intended for most women at that weight would probably be too loose (going back to the assumption that even if not baggy, it wouldn't be effectively shaping). Keeping these figures in mind, "D" seemed to cover that entire range of height and "equivalent-to"-weight range, so I took a plunge that worked out. I should have elaborated more that I wasn't really recommending just go with D (as obviously I don't know Katie's sizes in the slightest), just saying how I approached it and that without carrying extra weight in the lower body as much (since I do at least know shes pre HRT) as cis-women the weight measurement is probably a bit off on those charts and what I did receive certainly has more room to stretch a few more inches height wise without said extra hip/thigh size.

Shopping online only has been a ton of guess work, and so far I've managed to pull it off thank god. Only my bra is a little off, but still fits on the outer most clasps. Hopefully more weight loss will fix that.

No worries! 

This thread is great, because I haven't bought anything, and I'm now sure I would have been clueless once I got there.

So, I'm 220, which on me is whats called "stress weight". I eat my feelings. I have a little bit of a stomach and my hips and backside are where I carry most of my weight. Upper torso. My legs and arms not so much. I'm 6' 1". I used to sit around 190 in my 30s. I'm shooting for my 20s when I weighed 165-175. After a few years of hormones maybe less. I've lost the weight before and I actually care alot more now.

I saw a picture of me at 23 today. I think I could have been passable. I mean, its so hard to tell. I'm looking for a tw friend here and maybe I can go over there and and do it all, the whole kit and caboodle, and see how it looks.

Yeah, thankfully these things arent too pricey, so I was prepared for trial and error. I've been looking at charts. I'm in such a hurry, lol. I plan to buy both sizes. I've wasted more eating junk food. 

Quote from: katiekatt on October 14, 2017, 10:04:57 AM

Yeah, thankfully these things arent too pricey, so I was prepared for trial and error. I've been looking at charts. I'm in such a hurry, lol. I plan to buy both sizes. I've wasted more eating junk food. 

That is why I haven't worried about buying stuff off walmart.com even if online clothing is a crapshoot in general. I figure it's 7 bucks for a dress, who cares if I even return it? I eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch instead of grabbing something at subway, I break even. And I try to err on the side of smaller, because if it was a little too small, well, I'm actively losing weight anyway so might just be something to wear in a month or two! Most importantly, I learn my sizes and get a crash course in labeling. This is also good for learning how to do laundry all over again. I'd never had to run a delicate load or hand wash something in my life, so if I accidentally ruin a few things... it sucks cause Ive fallen in love with them, but I'm not suddenly out $50-100 at the same time.

Thats true, I never thought of that! I'm losing weight anyway, good point!

I know your right, but those $100 clothes... *drool*. Once I start really dressing, no matter the weight, I just want one really incredible ensemble.

I've got my "orders" I'm going to purchase today!

So, I bought the control top cupid panties online. I was gonna buy the hose to and then I decided instead to come out to my wife.

She took me to target and we bought spanx and the hose and other stuff, just to try all the different options. Soon maybe a bra and some actual clothes. lol, financial baby steps. Just for in my little space where its safe.

Hose really make you feel kinda special, well they make me feel special. They work pretty good. The control top stuff works decent too.

The Cupid panties wont be here until the 20th.

The spanx, holy cow, they really bring everything in and keep it there, but its a strange feeling of compression. So I'm double committed to this diet, which I've already lost over ten pounds and I'm wearing a belt now.

It's strange. Its both great and hard. All the puching and shoving is uncomfortable, but then about 5 minutes later everything down there settles down and its almost like it doesnt exist. I've been struggling a bit though with feeling like a fraud and feeling like I'm less than like.... a real girl. It comes in little waves and more so now than before I started crossdressing again this time and its definitley all about the realization of my transsexual nature.

Anyhoo, just an update. I really you ladies and I'm thankful.