Almost 20 years ago, I transitioned to stave off my gender dysphoria -- and to do that, I had to embrace my womanhood, full stop. Which took understanding both my interior identity (female) and what it would take to have this recognized socially. So, an inside and an outside dimension.
Getting the outside to match the inside takes understanding the inside. Completed says we need to know where we're going, and I agree. But how do we know what's really on the inside, when so much of the inside is actually closed off to the conscious mind, or only becomes revealed in bits and pieces? For me, it was a matter of feeling my way through the process of transition. The support groups, therapy, hormones, hair removal, dress and makeup, and especially voice training, all oriented towards one thing: eliciting female gendering, from myself and others. Which made me incredibly happy (and still does).
Understanding that, it was very easy for me to pick the rest of the path -- the various surgeries, and then practicing non-disclosure, maintaining a closed narrative, which I still do to this day, all while learning what I missed out on growing up. That's what worked for me. And now, more often than not I've forgotten all that, unless I pop into places like this... when I'm feeling nostalgic.
Nostalgia can be a terrible thing. The past is gone, and isn't coming back.
