Hi everyone. Today when I got home from work my mom was there. She said she came to see Tyler but he wasn't home. I don't know why she didn't leave when she saw he wasn't home but she didn't. She was ok for like 5 minutes but as usual she started bad mouthing my dad and trying to tell me stuff about him that I totally know isn't true. Finally I just told her I knew she was lying and I wasn't going to listen to it and I started to walk away. She started yelling at me not to walk away from her and she grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled me back. When I turned around she hit me across the face really hard. She didn't say anything else and she just left. I have a really big bruise on the side of my face and it's getting darker by the minute. I don't know what to do. There's no way I can cover this with makeup. My dad will notice it as soon as he gets home. If he knows my mom did it it's going to start world war 3. I totally can't think of anything to say that my dad will believe. He has that sixth sense for lies that all cops seem to have. I really, really don't want him to know my mom did this. I don't know what he's liable to do. I know he wouldn't do anything to her because he would never hit a woman. But I can easily picture him going over to her place and arresting her. He totally would do that.

I just really don't want anything like that happening. I don't want any more drama in our family. Does anyone have suggestions for a believable lie for why my face is bruised?

I don't think anyone here is qualified to answer your question,  certainly not me. I've only ever seen more grief by not being truthful,  but I think whatever your choice,  your reasons and motivations sound like they come from love.

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Its an awful situation but I have to agree with Megan. The truth is the best way to go...this is not your doing this is your mothers for becoming violent. There is not excuse for that....none. You deserve better. Your Dad is a good guy and I am sure he doesn't want any further trouble either. I really feel you as its just an awful situation.

I feel horrible for your situation, it's your mother.

But she needs to be arrested.  What she did is either child abuse or assault.  Take your pick.  Sometimes someone needs the hard lesson to realize that what they are doing is hurtful to others.  Maybe this will be her wake up call.

Sorry, if I sound a bit callus here, but it's my gut reaction to any form of undeserved violence like this.

Tell the truth anything else will set you up for more abuse in the future. You should also get a restraining order to prevent her from seeing you.  Your in a difficult situation and you need to protect yourself from further harm. Keeping her in you life is only going to cause you grief.
Steph

Julia, I'm so sorry you have this to deal with.  I 'd tell the truth, press charges, and get a restraining order.  I think you will sleep easier with that in place.  Plus let's face it your dad would be happier not having her come over too.

Bari Jo

So sad to hear about this Julia. Wow. It was just the other day we told you how lucky you are. Unfortunately when a relationship is on the rocks, if it has proceeded to this point where good things seem impossible, they probably are.  Parents are not issued instructions nor do they learn how to maintain relationships it takes work, lot's and lot's of work. You're Dad's profession, probably does not help.  Personally the restraining order seems like a good thing at least for meeting in private. I doubt she would have attacked you in public. Maybe the next time you see her it is at a neutral site like the food court at the mall. I'd be upfront with Dad. Stay safe.

Tell your father the absolute truth. Your mother is out of control and your father will decide what actions need to be taken to prevent this in the future. It might be changing the locks, a court order or something else. It will be worst the next time if action isn't taken now.

Absolutely tell him the truth.  And if you really don't want him do anything to your mom, tell him that too. 

You said he'd know you were lying anyway and you certainly don't want him thinking your boyfriend hit you.

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Think of it this way if it helps... your mother is ill. She clearly has issues that she does not deal with in a healthy manner, as violence in such a situation clearly indicates. If you truly don't want him to take action, when you tell your father, maybe not only ask for him not to do something arrest, but also ask about using this as a catalyst to get her help, even if it means holding the assault over her head. Ie: If she drinks, make not filing charges conditional on rehab. If it's an anger problem, anger management, and so forth.

(Though honestly, if it is just a case of shear narcissism, then be careful about going down the treatment rabbit hole. Use your judgement.)

There are good reasons police have no choice but to arrest when domestic abuse is apparent. At that point the have to arrest the aggressor. And you should have called them immediately and reported her. She is the one that is responsible for being arrested by her own actions. NOT YOU.

Quote from: Julia1996 on October 13, 2017, 04:56:15 PM
Hi everyone. Today when I got home from work my mom was there. She said she came to see Tyler but he wasn't home. I don't know why she didn't leave when she saw he wasn't home but she didn't. She was ok for like 5 minutes but as usual she started bad mouthing my dad and trying to tell me stuff about him that I totally know isn't true. Finally I just told her I knew she was lying and I wasn't going to listen to it and I started to walk away. She started yelling at me not to walk away from her and she grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled me back. When I turned around she hit me across the face really hard. She didn't say anything else and she just left. I have a really big bruise on the side of my face and it's getting darker by the minute. I don't know what to do. There's no way I can cover this with makeup. My dad will notice it as soon as he gets home. If he knows my mom did it it's going to start world war 3. I totally can't think of anything to say that my dad will believe. He has that sixth sense for lies that all cops seem to have. I really, really don't want him to know my mom did this. I don't know what he's liable to do. I know he wouldn't do anything to her because he would never hit a woman. But I can easily picture him going over to her place and arresting her. He totally would do that.

I just really don't want anything like that happening. I don't want any more drama in our family. Does anyone have suggestions for a believable lie for why my face is bruised?

It's probably late, but you can just said you hit the door or anything that hangs around that height because you did not look, or got distracted. If he doesn't believe - you can just tell him that you don't want him to know, and you believe it was accidental, and leave it.

As for covering it with makeup - beard shadow cover was invented not to cover beard shadows, but to cover bruises. Use the same technique.

I just told my dad the truth. Trying to lie to him doesn't work. I told him to just let it go but he said no and that my mom had stepped way over the line .  He was really mad! My dad doesn't even believe in spanking kids. He never hit or spanked us when we were growing up. He called one of his friends who was on duty and he came over and took a statement from me and took pictures of my face. Then he went to my mom's to get her statement. He told my dad she didn't even deny hitting me, so he arrested her. She will go before a judge this morning to find out how much her bond is. Since I'm 19 she got charged with assault rather than child abuse. My mom shouldn't have hit me I know but I still feel bad picturing her in jail. My dad, brother and boyfriend have no sympathy and they all think she deserved to spend the night in jail.

My dad is planning to get a restraining order on her and he's changing the locks and alarm codes. I totally wish my mom Didn't hate me and wouldn't be so mean to me. But you can't choose your parents.

Your dad is right. Not doing anything would be enabling her behavior.


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Quote from: Julia1996 on October 14, 2017, 07:04:46 AM
I just told my dad the truth. Trying to lie to him doesn't work. I told him to just let it go but he said no and that my mom had stepped way over the line .  He was really mad! My dad doesn't even believe in spanking kids. He never hit or spanked us when we were growing up. He called one of his friends who was on duty and he came over and took a statement from me and took pictures of my face. Then he went to my mom's to get her statement. He told my dad she didn't even deny hitting me, so he arrested her. She will go before a judge this morning to find out how much her bond is. Since I'm 19 she got charged with assault rather than child abuse. My mom shouldn't have hit me I know but I still feel bad picturing her in jail. My dad, brother and boyfriend have no sympathy and they all think she deserved to spend the night in jail.

My dad is planning to get a restraining order on her and he's changing the locks and alarm codes. I totally wish my mom Didn't hate me and wouldn't be so mean to me. But you can't choose your parents.

It's not nice,  but she's an adult and is responsible for her actions and their consequences. I'm glad your dad is making changes to keep you safe. X

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No you can't choose your parents but you are old enough now to choose not to be around her. 

Maybe this will wake her up, but don't count on it. If it does,  it will take some time so be wary if she says something like that right away.

If you choose to see her, do it only on your terms and probably best for now at least, not alone. 

Good luck

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Good for you Julia.  exactly the right steps, once again, your support structure is amazing.  It's now time for your mom to change, or not.  Either way, this is now safer for you and the rest of your family.

A warm hug from me to you.

Quote from: Julia1996 on October 14, 2017, 07:04:46 AM
I just told my dad the truth. Trying to lie to him doesn't work. I told him to just let it go but he said no and that my mom had stepped way over the line .  He was really mad! My dad doesn't even believe in spanking kids. He never hit or spanked us when we were growing up. He called one of his friends who was on duty and he came over and took a statement from me and took pictures of my face. Then he went to my mom's to get her statement. He told my dad she didn't even deny hitting me, so he arrested her. She will go before a judge this morning to find out how much her bond is. Since I'm 19 she got charged with assault rather than child abuse. My mom shouldn't have hit me I know but I still feel bad picturing her in jail. My dad, brother and boyfriend have no sympathy and they all think she deserved to spend the night in jail.

My dad is planning to get a restraining order on her and he's changing the locks and alarm codes. I totally wish my mom Didn't hate me and wouldn't be so mean to me. But you can't choose your parents.

Hi Julia,
  I know you feel awful about this, but it is not your fault. I have been reading some of your posts for awhile now and its clear when you talk about your mother that she has been abusive to you for sometime. I've read that you have tried to maintain some form of relationship with her by reaching out to her in the past only to have her verbally abuse you. 
You are a wonderful and caring young woman, its too bad your mother can't see that.
Hugs
Steph

From my time so far in our county's Grand Jury, family violence cases can be interesting. I think they'd pass an indictment against your mother. There is no excuse to cause injury to another family member just for walking away. She went too far. She basically asked for jail time, if not time on probation.

I don't think it will go down to full-blown jail time


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