I've always been told when I bring up the topic of me wanting to transition when I'm older and know for sure that I want to. People tell me that it's kind of a waste, because I look good as a female. I'll  be honest, I do look good as a female and it seems cool to be a gothic chick, but I do truly want to transition, because I will feel like myself. When I try being female, I just become less confident which makes me very passive and if you push me slightly I almos fall over. I just become so weak and follow the rules of people who want to control me. I have many regrets of when I tried being female over the summer. It's just not for me. Also I'm not saying females are passive or weak, but it's what happens to me when I try to be female. When I try to be male, I have good confidence and don't let people bring me down and will stand up for myself and my loved ones (my mom). I know I have quite a few years until I'm a adult and will get me closer to figure out who I want to be and transitions or not, but I'm just thinking about this cause it's good to have a thought on the future. I'm also just wondering if it will be a waste of my female looks, cause I'm not narasistic, but I feel like I do look good female, but it's not for me. I just hope if I do transition, that I don't look unattractive. Those are the main things I fear. What do you think?
Thanks

At some point, it will be worth it. No matter what. But it's more worth doing it now. Each year you avoid transition is a year you'll regret wasting. If you like it, go for it. As soon as you feel it's okay for you. You can start with a low dose of hormones. They'll give you small, reversible and hideable changes that will give you a glimpse of what transitioning would feel like.

Also, transitioning won't make you ugly. If you look good now, you'll continue looking good after treatments and all. 

As a female in this society - you can be anything you like. You don't have to be mellow, you can be kick-ass no-nonsense clean-shaven, accepted as a peer by guys and still have all of your options open.

As an FTM, you might be accepted as a guy (with equal amount of hard work), but your options would be more limited - you won't be 100% male functionally, nor being able to present as a female. I hope you know what I mean...

So, if you want to be a guy now - go ahead, bond that chest, go to gym and pull the weights, join some good mma gym, get a part time job as a construction worker or car mechanic... You don't need T, or to shave regularly to act manly, manly behavior is what makes a man. Go for it now, try it as much as you can, but keep your options open until you're absolutely sure


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Hi Peter,

  I think the real question you need to look at here is not what you look like, or what your parents and friends want you to be but "Who are you, Peter" That is the question you need to look into answering. Who is the person that inhabits you mind? It is that person you want to please or you will never be happy with yourself. It is that person you need to accept as yourself and the sooner you can do that the better.
   I am 65 and I am still asking myself that question as I transition. More appropriately in my case  I've answered that question and am struggling with accepting that I am who I believe myself to be. In other words even though I am transitioning I am experiencing acceptance issues due to 65 years of living as a male. It's a difficult thing to overcome.

  Hugs,
    Laurie

Laurie is right. As you age it becomes more difficult to be accepted, although it does become somewhat easier to pass because wrinkles hide at lot. I've been at this for many years but still have friends who don't know Leslie. As stated by others, who you are becomes paramount for your entire journey. It's best not to regret missed years, you'll never get them back.

Leslie

So, do you think I should go for it as soon as I can if I'm still feeling this way? Cause the only way im able to start transitioning and wearing binders, is when I'm old enough to move out of much parents house (I live with my dad and step mom and they do not accept me) I want to move with with my mom, but I'm not not allowed to. (Stepmom and dads rules :/)

Well, I don't think anybody can give that sort of advice. A decision you'll have to make on your own I'm afraid. We can let you know the kind of issues you'll have to deal with, what we personally went through etc. I can tell that for me, and many others, it's an agonizing process not taken lightly. The chances are very high you'll lose friends and maybe even family members. It could impact employment, health, political affiliations, housing - you name it. So many things to consider and why, in my case, the decision took so long.

Leslie
 

A post made by another FTM a while back explaining his decision to start testosterone went something like this.

He was sitting at a bar one day having a drink and he looked over and at a rough looking man having a drink elsewhere in the bar. Even though the guy he looked at was definitely not the cream of the male crop, he would rather be that man than a woman. When you feel this way, it's past time for you to start your transition. Transitioning is a gamble. You may lose family, friends and you may never pass but when the most important thing in your life is to become yourself, that is what you must do.

Quote from: Dena on October 15, 2017, 01:40:38 PM
A post made by another FTM a while back explaining his decision to start testosterone went something like this.

He was sitting at a bar one day having a drink and he looked over and at a rough looking man having a drink elsewhere in the bar. Even though the guy he looked at was definitely not the cream of the male crop, he would rather be that man than a woman. When you feel this way, it's past time for you to start your transition. Transitioning is a gamble. You may lose family, friends and you may never pass but when the most important thing in your life is to become yourself, that is what you must do.

Thank you so much. I truly do feel way more comfortable if I was male. So, I feel like once I'm able to transition when I'm older, then I think I will. this helped thanks.

Me trying to be female is a catastrophy. No matter how hard I tried I failed. Because I am not female. I tried to press down my male me so much for many years but I was unhappy. Very unhappy. Then I slowly became myself and now I'm not depressed and suicidal anymore and I recently came out to many people.

I am Tony. Nothing else.

When you feel you are a man, no matter beer bellies or scarred face. Then you know. You can't chose to look good and the regret if you turn out differently.

Btw. Attractive people are not the "good looking" ones when you are older. It's more personality and chemistry. My husband is not David Beckham, but our chemistry works. I see beyond his "flaws". I see him. Who you are inside is more important than your outside. A handsom guy or beautiful girl with a ugly heart - is ugly.

Dress as a man and do manly stuff. Experiment. See where you land.


Tony

Quote from: Dena on October 15, 2017, 01:40:38 PM
A post made by another FTM a while back explaining his decision to start testosterone went something like this.

He was sitting at a bar one day having a drink and he looked over and at a rough looking man having a drink elsewhere in the bar. Even though the guy he looked at was definitely not the cream of the male crop, he would rather be that man than a woman. When you feel this way, it's past time for you to start your transition. Transitioning is a gamble. You may lose family, friends and you may never pass but when the most important thing in your life is to become yourself, that is what you must do.

Yep. That's a good indicator of who you really are. It has happened to me a lot, when I look at girls who are not physically attractive I catch myself thinking "well at least she's a girl. And I would rather be like her and just try to improve my looks than being a man".

Nobody wants to be ugly of course, and as others said if you are already an attractive woman, you will probably be a very attractive man.

I like that example I can really relate to it.  Instead of a man at the bar I notice women and even though I wouldn't want to be them it makes me realize I want to be a "female" version of myself.

I too like how I look as my assigned gender, but I just have this intense feeling that I'm settling with what I have and I know it's not what I want.  I remember when I was a teenager I would envision myself as more feminine and I guess that helped my confidence at the because it was always me still.  I wish I knew I had the power to act on this then because I would be so much further than I am now...

Quote from: dist123 on October 15, 2017, 09:10:55 PM

I too like how I look as my assigned gender

This happens to me as well and it used to make me insecure about my "transness". But as others have told me, this is common and we all like getting compliments and an ego boost regardless of our presentation.

Yes! I don't know it's confusing because I'm still early in transitioning, actually I just started. The doubts are there that make me think "what if I don't pass as female or I'm not attractive?". It's just stressful.

Quote from: Leslie601 on October 15, 2017, 09:03:29 AM
Laurie is right. As you age it becomes more difficult to be accepted, although it does become somewhat easier to pass because wrinkles hide at lot. I've been at this for many years but still have friends who don't know Leslie. As stated by others, who you are becomes paramount for your entire journey. It's best not to regret missed years, you'll never get them back.

Leslie

I'm 61 and knew I was transgender at puberty.  Couldn't do anything about it at that point in time.  I never wasted a moment in my life and have an established life I'm happy in.  With that said I know I'd be happier at least having hrt and feeling more like a woman even if I'm never able to pass as one.  I'm one of the lucky ones that has an open minded wife, who actually helps me stay on track with my resolve. 
Toodles, Jessica 💁

As another FTM, I can only repeat what the others said.  If you feel like you are happier and more self-confident as a man, then become one for a while and see how you feel.

- Wear men's clothes (thrift stores are a great place to start) instead of women's clothes. 
- Buy a binder and use it instead of a bra. 
- Have your friends start calling you by your chosen male name (if it doesn't fit, choose another name) and male pronouns. 
- If you feel up to it, cut your hair into a more masculine hairstyle, it'll grow back.  If you're not up to that, wear it in a ponytail or man-bun.
- People-watch and learn some masculine body movements. 

Its YOUR life, YOU are the one that will have to live it.

Good luck!

Ryuichi

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