Heyy!

I am new here, as in found this forum about an hour ago.

I am currently a boy, well a girl in a boy's body and I really want to change, as in i don't feel correct in my body.

I am currently 15 and am hopefully going to start between 18 and 20. My parents are completely against the idea and don't want me to do it which is why i have to wait until then.

Can anyone please help me? I need help on mostly information, Google is rubbish.

Thank you,
Katie

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My first recommendation, always, is research on regret. While you may see Google as rubbish, I see it as a wealth of information, as long as you know what you are searching for.

Find out why some have regretted transition. What their motives were going into the process and why they regretted it after. It is vital that you understand their stories, as it will save you a great deal of heart ache going forward. It may sound crazy, but it was what I did and I am better for it.

Experiment with femininity as a male. I'm not sure why more MTFs don't do this... social pressure, I guess. But you're going to experience discrimination by transitioning anyway, so there is no harm in expressing your feminine side as a boy. Learn makeup, dress androgynously, etc. Who knows, you may find that you won't need to transition. And if your parents disapprove of even that, then do your makeup at school. Again, these were things that I did (except the makeup part, sadly, since I was too terrified to purchase any and my eyeliner-drawing abilities were crap, so every attempt made at school got washed off).

Transitioning at 20 or even 21 aren't bad ages. Puberty doesn't finish until 25, so you won't masculinize too much. Again, you're talking to someone who began transitioning at 20, and I turned out fine.

Also, get a therapist. Not a gender therapist. A therapist therapist. Odds are you are probably suffering from depression or anxiety or some other comorbidity (as most gender dysphorics do). Sort that stuff out because if you do transition, the stress of that will only worsen those disorders (or, worst case scenario, those disorders are what is causing your gender dysphoria, in which case, don't transition because your dysphoria may resolve after some good therapy... again, worst case scenario). See a gender therapist when you begin the process. That is what they're for. They're no good when it comes to things like depression (but that's just my experience).

Understand that transition is not dress-up. It is a serious medical treatment. It won't turn you into a super-model, or some fantasy woman. Have realistic expectations when it comes to results. Watch videos OF the surgical procedures (warning: they are very gruesome, but if you can watch them and say to yourself, "yeah, I'd still do it" then that is a good sign).

You're young. Try to enjoy your life now and not get so lost in all of this quite yet. Again, take this opportunity to be as femme as possible while still a boy, and experiment with your sexuality. Lord knows I wish I had the bravery to do so when I was your age.

Gender is a construct. Don't think that just because you're not transitioning to female you can't enjoy feminine things.

None of this is said to discourage you, of course. Just to make sure that you are educated enough to make this sort of decision responsibly.

Hello Katie,

  I'm Laurie. I am also am MTF transgender woman in the process of transition. Our door here is open so that people like yourself can wander in and find help for whatever trans issue is bothering them so do come in. Find a place to sit and take a look around. Also please take the time to understand what Allie has conveyed to you. They are very good suggestions for someone that is just starting down this path we follow. It is serious business and none of it should be taken lightly. The path may look smooth and straight at first but I assure you it is full of twists and turns along with pitfalls that can swallow you up.
  I am almost 50 years older than you are and information is far easier to come by today than when I was your age. The information I was able to find led me to believe I was sick and had forbidden desires and therefore in my mind I felt perverted and ashamed about something I had no control over because I was born this way. As a result I still struggle with this today. You Katie, do not need to, as what you are going through is much better understood by the medical world even though it is still seen as wrong by the society of today. It is still better than what I grew up with.
  Take your time. Try some of the things Allie has suggested. Give your parents time to come to understand you. Information is key to that. Give yourself time to understand yourself too. You have the time to do these things. Give them a try.
   Please let me say, Welcome To Susan's Place!  Tell us a little bit more about yourself so we can get to know you a little better and greet you properly.

  Also I'll add some links and information below that can help you get more out of our site. Please take time to become familiar with them especially the RED one as we are always getting questions that are answered there.

Laurie
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Quote from: KatieFox1202 on October 13, 2017, 07:39:42 PM
I am currently a boy, well a girl in a boy's body and I really want to change, as in i don't feel correct in my body.

I am currently 15 and am hopefully going to start between 18 and 20. My parents are completely against the idea and don't want me to do it which is why i have to wait until then.

Can anyone please help me? I need help on mostly information, Google is rubbish.

    First, welcome to the family. This site is great for support, advice, and information. It is a sanctuary of sorts to many of its members. Second, always keep in mind that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There are many more just like yourself that you can turn to and lean on.

    One thing that stuck out to me was your thread title. Based on your introduction, I think it's say that you are transgender, though therapy will help you know for sure. Don't be afraid to classify yourself as such, (at least here,) even though you haven't begun transitioning. There are a number of our members that never actually transition, or only go so far, for one reason or another. That doesn't make them any less transgender than someone that is post-op. If you feel that's who and what you are, affirm it, even if only to yourself. Have confidence in yourself. It can help fight dysphoria and depression.

    Depending on the country you live in, which from your use of the term rubbish I'm thinking is probably not the U.S., but more likely the U.K., you don't need your parents approval to see a therapist, GP (General Practitioner,) or to start anti-androgens such as Spironolactone. If that's the case you may not have to wait much longer than a few counseling sessions to begin your journey. Legally, at least in the U.K., your parents don't even have to know about it, as long as you are otherwise in good health and emotionally stable. The earlier you start anti-androgens, the fewer problems you run into with secondary male sex characteristics, such as body disposition and facial and/or body hair.

    For information, take a perusal of our links section, (button near top of screen.) There is a wealth of available info and suggestions for sites you can go to for more. For information on specific topics that don't include where to go for assistance, write as many specific threads as you like in their respective topic groups. There are people here from all walks of life, some of us with medical and psychological experience and training, and many more with years, if not decades of experience dealing with pretty much any issue you can think of. Just keep in mind that what may work for some, may be anathema to others.

    I wish you comfort and luck on your journey, wherever it takes you. You always have friends here. Stay Safe and Strong.

HUGS!

 
   

Quote from: JennyBear on October 13, 2017, 09:06:58 PM
    First, welcome to the family. This site is great for support, advice, and information. It is a sanctuary of sorts to many of its members. Second, always keep in mind that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There are many more just like yourself that you can turn to and lean on.

    One thing that stuck out to me was your thread title. Based on your introduction, I think it's say that you are transgender, though therapy will help you know for sure. Don't be afraid to classify yourself as such, (at least here,) even though you haven't begun transitioning. There are a number of our members that never actually transition, or only go so far, for one reason or another. That doesn't make them any less transgender than someone that is post-op. If you feel that's who and what you are, affirm it, even if only to yourself. Have confidence in yourself. It can help fight dysphoria and depression.

    Depending on the country you live in, which from your use of the term rubbish I'm thinking is probably not the U.S., but more likely the U.K., you don't need your parents approval to see a therapist, GP (General Practitioner,) or to start anti-androgens such as Spironolactone. If that's the case you may not have to wait much longer than a few counseling sessions to begin your journey. Legally, at least in the U.K., your parents don't even have to know about it, as long as you are otherwise in good health and emotionally stable. The earlier you start anti-androgens, the fewer problems you run into with secondary male sex characteristics, such as body disposition and facial and/or body hair.

    For information, take a perusal of our links section, (button near top of screen.) There is a wealth of available info and suggestions for sites you can go to for more. For information on specific topics that don't include where to go for assistance, write as many specific threads as you like in their respective topic groups. There are people here from all walks of life, some of us with medical and psychological experience and training, and many more with years, if not decades of experience dealing with pretty much any issue you can think of. Just keep in mind that what may work for some, may be anathema to others.

    I wish you comfort and luck on your journey, wherever it takes you. You always have friends here. Stay Safe and Strong.

HUGS!

 
   

Yes, if you think that taking anti-androgens might help then there is no problem at all with that. It's the hormones that you should probably hold off on until you are sure. The resulting breast tissue development requires surgery to remove.

I sound like such a mom right now, but I really don't want you to end up being hurt by this process. The media likes to show it off like this really fun and easy one way street, but it isn't like that at all. It's difficult, but if it is ultimately what you need, then it can be so worth it. But be careful.

Quote from: Allie24 on October 13, 2017, 09:28:00 PM
Yes, if you think that taking anti-androgens might help then there is no problem at all with that. It's the hormones that you should probably hold off on until you are sure. The resulting breast tissue development requires surgery to remove.

I sound like such a mom right now, but I really don't want you to end up being hurt by this process. The media likes to show it off like this really fun and easy one way street, but it isn't like that at all. It's difficult, but if it is ultimately what you need, then it can be so worth it. But be careful.

    Though extremely difficult, depending on the amount of breast development, it is possible to reverse the process without surgery. I've had to do it myself once before to go back in the Army. Still, I definitely agree with you overall.

    Hormones are not something to rush into, and definitely not something to be acquired by less savory means. The wrong amounts or flat out wrong medications can have disastrous and occasionally life-threatening results. You also need a frequent care by a medical practitioner to monitor your hormone levels, especially early on where they will often fluctuate. Most don't generally start out at the max dosage and stay there, but rather make adjustments over the course of several months.

    Nothing wrong with caring and taking a "Mom" viewpoint with regards to the health and safety of others. I do it all the time. The hard part is avoiding crossing the line into nagging. LOL 

HUGS!

Thank you all soo much for the informative responses and actually really quickly too!

First was a really quick reply from Allie24, thank you

I do already experience some discrimination from one of the people that do know about it, not many do, and they call me alot of things that i cannot say as i juat read the rules of the group lol. One of my other friends is already trying to teach me hair and makeup and that sort of thing of which i do find helpful. I do have depression, not too badly but i do have it and i'm not quite sure what dysphoria means.. I have even spoken to my French teacher at school about it and they have told me that it is perfectly fine to use the feminine terms instead of masculine terms when describing myself.

Thank you Laurie for the also amazingly quick reply!

Thank you for the warm welcome! I am honestly not quite sure how i would describe myself more or even whether to do it here or in private message.. Thank you for the links i found them very helpful

Thanks JennyBear!

Another warm welcome im liking it here already lol i have been looking around and i have noticed how much advice and information there is here, i think it's actually quite amazing how much there is!

I do like to classify myself as transgender however this is a professional forum and i wasn't 100% sure if i would come under it yet as i haven't started..

You are correct I am in the Uk and not US, however my parents have very strict rules that i have to stick to so i wouldn't have a way of seeing a therapist or GP about anything as i am not allowed outside often

And finally i love hugs! So HUGS!

Thank you Allie again lol

I actually have no way of getting any anti-androgens so i cannot even atart there yet, my mum is very strict about my life and especially with anything like that unfortunately..

I honestly don't mind you 'sounding like such a mum right  now' and honestly you were not, you care and that's is amazing, thank you it means alot to know people care!

Also i do know how difficult the process is and that is isn't just an easy straight line but and very squiggly one with lots of obstacles, and that was a really bad way to describe that lol.

And finally thank you again JennyBear!

I know that hormones are not something to rush into and i will probably be between 20 and 22 or 23 when i start hormones. "Nothing wrong with caring and taking a 'Mom' (its so weird typing that i'm used to mum lol) viewpoint with regards to the health and safety of others" i totally agree and that sort of goes along with what i just said above! Also i don't mind if it crosses the nagging line lol

HUGS!!

Sorry for the really long comment but i just wanted to reply to everyone and thank you all

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Oh wow, since you are not even familiar with the term "gender dysphoria" you really do need to do your research!

Google the DSM-V's definition of the disorder. It used to be called gender identity disorder, but they have since changed the name. I'll give you the basic definition: dysphoria is an overwhelming feeling of uneasiness, and distress. Gender dysphoria is therefore an overwhelming feeling of unease and distress in regards to your gender role and/or birth sex.

While one may experience symptoms resembling gender dysphoria, it is best to receive a proper diagnosis from a licensed therapist. As I said before, sometimes gender dysphoria is merely a symptom of another mental illness [like schizophrenia, dissociative personality disorder (nee multiple personality disorder), borderline personality disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, etc.], so it is best to have a full psychological evaluation done to ensure that you are truly gender dysphoric.

And I understand the unsupportive and restrictive parent situation. Mine were the same way. Try to be understanding of them, though. They're probably more afraid of losing you than anything else. Fear makes people act out in some extreme ways. This is something that you come to understand with age. May parents' views have changed since I was in high school. But a lot of that has to do with me being an adult, and it will probably help in your case as well.

Though I understand that due to circumstances you are not transitioning at this time, I think it is very wise to wait until you are 20 to start. Five years is a good amount of time to put some proper thought into it. Plus, by the time you start you'll already have the skills necessary to style your hair, do makeup, etc. It beats having to learn as you go.

Sounds like you have people in your life who do support you, and that's fantastic. Continue being yourself and enjoying your life now.

Quote from: KatieFox1202 on October 13, 2017, 10:05:42 PM
Thank you for the warm welcome! I am honestly not quite sure how i would describe myself more or even whether to do it here or in private message.. Thank you for the links i found them very helpful

Sorry for the really long comment but i just wanted to reply to everyone and thank you all

    Sorry about your current situation. Stay strong, it will eventually get better. Ok, couple things to remember.

    As you are a minor, and as you stated under strict rules, the more you keep to yourself regarding personal descriptions, while still getting questions answered, the better. Nothing wrong with playing it safe. Regardless of Nationality we are targets for bigots and predators. Being as young as you are only adds to this effect. Unless the personal info is needed, I would greatly avoid giving it out, especially in private messages, as those are much harder for the Moderators and Admin to monitor for things that can affect your safety.

    Try and keep in mind that while we have members from numerous countries, and nearly every continent, the majority of us live in the U.S. or Canada. Your most numerous and frequent responses will come during our evening hours, so figuring out the time difference can be crucial if you want a quick response.

    Lastly, don't feel like you have to validate yourself to anyone here or that you have to respond to every reply you get. While everyone enjoys knowing that someone heeded their advice, doing it for every post reply you get will get rather tiresome, possibly even become impossible if your thread gains traction. If someone makes a point that resonates with you, or that you have something to say about, by all means quote them and reply. (Using the quote feature helps notify them that you've responded.) Stay Safe.

HUGS!

I would suggest to work hard and even harder in 2 directions -
a) try to get some professional help, maybe through your school or counselor - prepare information on anti-androgens and puberty pausing medicine. Maybe you could wrestle your mother into allowing it (and if she opens to it - you'll have more freedoms in the future).

It might sound wrong, but really - if you rebel, if you insist on dressing a certain way, if you go to a doctor on your own, if you talk to a school councilor (or principal) and describe your situation, need to be seen by a professional  and your parents refusal to acknowledge this need...  What can your parents do? Supportive or not - you'd put them in a very tough choice - kick you out (to the state care system, where you might immediately gain all what you want) and be looked down by all for the rest of their life, or risk being seen as abusive gatekeepers ? Most parents would give up, but not without withholding pocket money allowances.

2) you need to have a plan to become financially independent asap. Preferably as early as 18. Maybe getting a part-time job, maybe learning the web-programming with c# (this one is nice - easy to learn - a couple of months, max - half a year before you become basically proficient; minimal or no investment is needed (buy access to pluralsight.com and visual studio is nearly free for students); can be done at home; sights that you've built - can serve as a portfolio in leu of college degree (I know a few guys working at. If banks without any degree - well, they started their career in smaller startups and at low salary (or maybe even initially - for free), but after 3-4 years - no one will ask you to provide any diploma)... Or maybe plan to join military and transition there (I don't know if it is possible in UK, but I believe you guys must be more accepting than US, right).

The key is not to accept the need to wait for another 5 years until you can transition. 5 years is a lot.



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Hi Katie. I don't have anything to add to the good advice others have given you, but I wanted to say hello. I'm Julia. I'm 19 and I'm two years into HRT.

Hello Katie,

I don't have anything to add to the great advice already given, but I can share a tiny bit of my experience as it relates to you. First, I wish I had known about such a thing as being transgender when I was your age. I just thought I was gay by society's definition of what a cis male was supposed to be like. Second, when I finally in middle-age decided I was going to spend the rest of my life being happy with myself, I began exploring the limits of my expression as my authentic self. It took about three years to become the female I am. You're young and still trying to figure out life in general, so don't put a lot of pressure on yourself about this. Regardless, you are who you are inside, and that will never change. That's the most important thing. Good vibes and happiness coming your way.

Tommie

Quote from: elkie-t on October 14, 2017, 06:53:03 AM
I would suggest to work hard and even harder in 2 directions -
a) try to get some professional help, maybe through your school or counselor - prepare information on anti-androgens and puberty pausing medicine. Maybe you could wrestle your mother into allowing it (and if she opens to it - you'll have more freedoms in the future).

It might sound wrong, but really - if you rebel, if you insist on dressing a certain way, if you go to a doctor on your own, if you talk to a school councilor (or principal) and describe your situation, need to be seen by a professional  and your parents refusal to acknowledge this need...  What can your parents do? Supportive or not - you'd put them in a very tough choice - kick you out (to the state care system, where you might immediately gain all what you want) and be looked down by all for the rest of their life, or risk being seen as abusive gatekeepers ? Most parents would give up, but not without withholding pocket money allowances.

2) you need to have a plan to become financially independent asap. Preferably as early as 18. Maybe getting a part-time job, maybe learning the web-programming with c# (this one is nice - easy to learn - a couple of months, max - half a year before you become basically proficient; minimal or no investment is needed (buy access to pluralsight.com and visual studio is nearly free for students); can be done at home; sights that you've built - can serve as a portfolio in leu of college degree (I know a few guys working at. If banks without any degree - well, they started their career in smaller startups and at low salary (or maybe even initially - for free), but after 3-4 years - no one will ask you to provide any diploma)... Or maybe plan to join military and transition there (I don't know if it is possible in UK, but I believe you guys must be more accepting than US, right).

The key is not to accept the need to wait for another 5 years until you can transition. 5 years is a lot.



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Thanks Elkie-t,

I am in a situation with my parents where professional help is impossible and my school is honestly not somewhere i want knowing.. Also to be absolutely honest i don't know how the child care system is over here for children taken from their parents and i don't really want to go through that, however my parents are extremely unlikely to be accepting of it anytime soon, so I'm kinda stuck in the middle..

Being financially independent is something i really hope to get soon as i would like to start changing as soon as possible, however i have had two apprenticeship offers for IT places so i could always start one of those once i finish year 11 (the Uk equivalent of the American 10th Grade). Plus i already use Python for coding and often use MSDOS (cmd normally in newer Windows), Terminal, and other text based platforms so C# could be interesting to start.

As with acceptance, as is commonly known of the Uk yes but realistically not as much, and I've never really looked into the military so i have no idea about it.

Lastly, I know that 5 years is alot, trust me I'm counting down the days until I'm 18 (2 years 34 weeks and not saying the days as it will give you my birthday). I am hoping i can start before then and i was kinda using that as a i need to do by this date sort of thing but thank you! I appreciate your help!

Katie

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Hi Katie.
a) Nothing will change on your 18th birthday... not even a day after. But you might request an appointment to a GD and since it takes a long time to get to the appointment - you might to be able to win a year or two if you get it before 18th birthday, but making sure the date of the appointment falls after it.

Second - you're on the right track on building independence. Computer programming is a good place to be. Again, you can start building websites as a hobby now (don't need to be hired to do something on your own if you have time, and it will look good in your CV).

There's a lot of little things you can do now, before 18. And you might be doing a lot of them now.


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Katie,

I'm not sure how long you have been considering going through this. I urge you to slow down and take your time. Really. The age of adolescence is one of impulse and urgency. And I think these are feelings that are not necessarily indicative of the severity of your case, but rather your age. I implore you push the physical transition to the sidelines and at least spend the next year researching whether or not the process is even right for you to begin with. It is one thing to think about doing it, it is quite another to actually do it. And don't give up on your parents quite yet. This is all very fresh and takes time to sink in. Experimenting with presentation while a male at least introduces the idea of having a feminine son. And if your overall mental/emotional state improves with this presentation, then they may be more open to you taking further steps when you are 18.

I remember being 15. My thoughts were always "if it doesn't happen now it will NEVER happen" but I know today that is is not necessarily true.

Not to mention that sneaking around your parents' backs can only make the situation with them even worse. Transition works best when all parties are on board. But if it is made to look like a dirty secret, then it could worsen your parents' perception of it.

I apologize if this comment comes across as scolding. I didn't intend for that. I just really want you to know what you're doing, and that requires A LOT of research. I would never recommend transition for someone who didn't understand fully what it entailed. Pursuing this treatment without information is reckless and potentially damaging and there are so many heartbreaking stories of people who dive in head-first and end up regretting it later in life. I want you to be happy with your choices.

Quote from: KatieFox1202 on October 15, 2017, 07:34:48 PM
I am in a situation with my parents where professional help is impossible and my school is honestly not somewhere i want knowing.. Also to be absolutely honest i don't know how the child care system is over here for children taken from their parents and i don't really want to go through that, however my parents are extremely unlikely to be accepting of it anytime soon, so I'm kinda stuck in the middle..

Being financially independent is something i really hope to get soon as i would like to start changing as soon as possible, however i have had two apprenticeship offers for IT places so i could always start one of those once i finish year 11 (the Uk equivalent of the American 10th Grade). Plus i already use Python for coding and often use MSDOS (cmd normally in newer Windows), Terminal, and other text based platforms so C# could be interesting to start.

As with acceptance, as is commonly known of the Uk yes but realistically not as much, and I've never really looked into the military so i have no idea about it.

Lastly, I know that 5 years is alot, trust me I'm counting down the days until I'm 18 (2 years 34 weeks and not saying the days as it will give you my birthday). I am hoping i can start before then and i was kinda using that as a i need to do by this date sort of thing but thank you! I appreciate your help!

    Katie, I can't believe I didn't remember this sooner! Unlike in the U.S. or Canada, where the emancipation age is 18, In the U.K. it's 16. What this means is that parents can kick their kids out of the house for any or no reason at the age of 16 without any legal ramifications. However the reverse is also true. If you can find housing and employment that supports it, they can't legally stop you from leaving or seeing a GP for that matter. I know that kind of a life is very hard for someone still in what we refer to as High School, but it's still an option. If you find a way to graduate early, as long as you do well on your GCSE's, (thank you Harry Potter and British Transgender literature,) you can apply for Uni. You don't have to wait until you're 18 to do it. As unsupportive as you've described your parents, you may want to have a backup plan ready in the event the worst case scenario comes to be (getting kicked out.) It's a rough choice, but even then, it's better than having no choices at all. Make your own fate, as much as you can. Stay Safe and Strong.

HUGS!