Thanks Kathy <3, I dont know how this happens for me. I hate it though. All i wanted and really have for like ever is just to be a happy woman who is a go-getter and achiever. And I really have been on a roll, yet these awful moments cause undue stress that kills the insides of me. I also no longer have a therapist as I have moved.

Hi Ashley, thought I would say hello. I wondered if you notice a trend of these outbreaks being further apart and shorter in duration? Maybe your panicky reaction magnifies these occasional male type thoughts. I know how hard it is for you when it happens and is hard not to freak. I think you have to think these episodes will eventually die out completely. You know the song, "Don't worry, be happy!" Is my favorite name for a town, Petawawa in your past yet? Anyway, nice to see you visiting.
Love,
Moni

There are times when I think that I am acting male, or acting female, but whenever I set to trying to figure out what that means I draw a total blank.  Try to label an idea on the gender spectrum and it becomes immediately apparent that you are dealing with a stereotype, not a truth.

Quote from: HappyMoni on October 15, 2017, 09:01:46 PM
Hi Ashley, thought I would say hello. I wondered if you notice a trend of these outbreaks being further apart and shorter in duration? Maybe your panicky reaction magnifies these occasional male type thoughts. I know how hard it is for you when it happens and is hard not to freak. I think you have to think these episodes will eventually die out completely. You know the song, "Don't worry, be happy!" Is my favorite name for a town, Petawawa in your past yet? Anyway, nice to see you visiting.
Love,
Moni

Thanks Moni, I am feeling much better atm.. maybe it was a blimp. I have noticed that these moments have decreased ever so much they are basically a non factor most of the time. Which bothered me why it came back yestarday. I watched cute dog videos to help the happy!

Quote from: rmaddy on October 15, 2017, 10:59:14 PM
There are times when I think that I am acting male, or acting female, but whenever I set to trying to figure out what that means I draw a total blank.  Try to label an idea on the gender spectrum and it becomes immediately apparent that you are dealing with a stereotype, not a truth.

No idea what you are trying to get at. As I have said I have allowed myself yes to act more feminine but it is a more natural and like able thing. It isnt just actions or what not, it is a state of being. I dont know what your experince is but taking part in masculine behavaiors that were expected in a man sucked.. but my reasons go to mainly testosterone. I hated what it did to my body and my mental health. It was a problem. Thats the thing, in addiiton to a ''mans mask'' that i once had coming back on. When I live as myself, a woman.. it doesnt take much effort to accept and enjoy it anymore, as I know how this should be (besides the odd dysphoira hiccup). Yes I do find thing considered ''sterotypical'' female empowering, but tbh my personality although on the female side is rather nutueral-fem. Estrogen is a god sent.

When I live as myself , a woman, gender and stuff isnt a domianting factor. Real life is. When i dont have moments like I have this weekend I am far more concerned about careers, getting into community to help, reading and studying things that matter to me like law and history, for fun (yes I am a nerd)). When the idea of ''him'' pops in, it isnt a live and let live calm as it is with being a woman.. as I said, and you should have read it is a parlaising thing of either feeling depressed or hyper anxious. Almost OCD like and not a natural feeling at all. Just knowing what life was like before triggers these responses. No win situation.

Quote from: SailorMars1994 on October 15, 2017, 11:23:48 PM
No idea what you are trying to get at.

Sorry.  I can be sort of obscure at times.  I've been through panics that sound much like where you are right now.  I hope you are bouncing back.  You aren't alone.

No, thank you for your input. It is important people realize that and I do appreciate it <3