Hey everybody I need some advice on my job / career. I am a construction project manager. I'm 25 pre everything trans women / questioning person who is still living as a guy. The picture is from this weekend before I went out as Courtney with some queer friends I have made recently ( still not out to any of my friends and family)
More photos at this link:  https://imgur.com/a/BLNfB

I have a degree in construction Managment and engineering systems from A big well respected state school's engineering department and have been working for Kroger, the grocery store, as a project manager for their engineering and construction department for about 2 years now. Great job, I like it, have a comfortable salary with great benefits and health insurance( which will be important if i transition) and potential ( at least now as a guy before I <not allowed> everything up) to move up the corporate ladder.

If anyone is in the construction field I am a project manager for the owner, for their construction projects. ie building new stores and remodeling their old ones. My job is to manage the general contractor, the schedule, budget, run job meetings, and coordinate with the Kroger store folks and upper Managment on the status of the construction project and day to day issues. I basically keep the balls juggling and everyone communicating and working together. I spend about half of my time dealing with Kroger people in my office and in stores, and the other half my time managing the contractors and subcontractors and running job meeting on site and in the stores.

I am really worried about this career if I transition. I'm not worried about being fired by Kroger, they are a big company and would not discriminate and try and pull something like  that because they would get sued and have a reputation to maintain but still..... How am I supposed to run job meetings 30 some plumbers and carpentry workers  who are in their 50s. I'm not saying I couldn't do it but talk about embarrassing and toxic environment to work in. I have to have respect from them to do my job but not only that I am having to meet with and manage brand new blue collar construction workers and their bosses in the office everyday.  Meeting new people and having to manage them when they come from that background seems so scary and undoable I am worried I am going to have to switch careers.

I guess none of this will matter if I am able to go stealth like i want to after I transition, but I am not sure that is going to happen since I would be transitioning at the age of 26 and might not ever be able to pass. Any advice is appreciated.

Courtney.lane408, if that is you in the picture you will have no problem passing.  As with anything new start off in a straight forward manner with respect on both side and you will do fine.  Today there are women managers all over the place.

Quote from: mm on October 17, 2017, 11:05:56 AM
Courtney.lane408, if that is you in the picture you will have no problem passing.  As with anything new start off in a straight forward manner with respect on both side and you will do fine.  Today there are women managers all over the place.

Thanks I wish I could be sure of that lol. If I could somehow look into the future and see myself in 5 years and could know for sure, I would probably come out to my friends and family tomorrow and start hrt. Just don't know if I can function or will be happy at my job as a visibly trans person.


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Courtney.lane408, I have many of the same concerns as well, and apologize for not having any good advice at this time, but I just want to say that you look fabulous!

Hugs!

Quote from: RachClayburn on October 17, 2017, 11:55:48 AM
Courtney.lane408, I have many of the same concerns as well, and apologize for not having any good advice at this time, but I just want to say that you look fabulous!

Hugs!

Awh well I appreciate the kind words either way


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You need to trust people. Most constructors you'll be dealing with cares more about their paycheck than your appearance.

Granted, your career is most likely take a major hit. You will spend some years reestablishing yourself in the field and women generally have worse careers than males.

So is a life as a women more precious to you than your career (you can be a weekend crossdresser without risking it)? What about having a family of your own - would you want to hide it from your wife and children or suppress the desire?


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I don't know if that will be of any help but i think you look pretty believable as a woman as you are right now.
If transitionning is what's right for you, you at least won't have to worry too much about passing.

Quote from: elkie-t on October 17, 2017, 12:11:46 PM
You need to trust people. Most constructors you'll be dealing with cares more about their paycheck than your appearance.

Granted, your career is most likely take a major hit. You will spend some years reestablishing yourself in the field and women generally have worse careers than males.

So is a life as a women more precious to you than your career (you can be a weekend crossdresser without risking it)? What about having a family of your own - would you want to hide it from your wife and children or suppress the desire?


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No it's not more important than those things. I was reading a book the other day and it asked you to think about the 3 things you would want your life to have been about when your old looking back and I came to the conclusion in no particular order.
1) connect with, share love , and learn from as many people as possible
2) experience as much as this world has to offer and feel alive and make memories
3) connect with a few people ( could be one ) in a deep, intimate,  meaningful way who I can share the 1st two items listed above with.

So none of that has to do with my career I guess. But I have still worked my entire life for my career and where I am as a male in life it seems almost impossible to give up despite the above.



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Quote from: Courtney.lane408 on October 17, 2017, 12:20:29 PM
No it's not more important than those things. I was reading a book the other day and it asked you to think about the 3 things you would want your life to have been about when your old looking back and I came to the conclusion in no particular order.
1) connect with, share love , and learn from as many people as possible
2) experience as much as this world has to offer and feel alive and make memories
3) connect with a few people ( could be one ) in a deep, intimate,  meaningful way who I can share the 1st two items listed above with.

So none of that has to do with my career I guess. But I have still worked my entire life for my career and where I am as a male in life it seems almost impossible to give up despite the above.

Your career will take some hit, but won't be terminated. Even if Kroger lays you off - you still would have your education, experience, references, you'll find another job. But as you said, it's unlikely. I think it's inevitable that it will take a hit - you would be in transition, you would need to reestablish yourself as a woman, and prove your competence once again over 'mansplanning'. And as some other transitioners in project management said, you might need to find out a new way to communicate your message to get the job done. I.e. As a man, it's ok to just tell to get it done, as a female you might be more subtle and instead ordering it directly - you might want to ask for general contractor's opinion when it can be done and push for the 'right' answer. You are very likely to lose any potential promotion (if there will be any and if you might be considered for one) in the next 2-3 years (or 5). Doesn't mean you won't ever be promoted, but it will be much more scrupulously discussed - and it may go to a person next in line (as a safer bet). But that is life of all women in business - they need to work twice as hard, to be  better than their competition by a wide margin and look pretty to be selected.

Again, if you want to be a female, you might want to take negative sides of it together with the positive sides. It all comes in a package, and nothing is free.

Btw, you look really good. And good looks make many things easier.


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Competence often trumps bias and prejudice. Do a great job and if someone disrespects you, it's on them.


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Quote from: Courtney.lane408 on October 17, 2017, 10:48:52 AM


Hey everybody I need some advice on my job / career. I am a construction project manager. I'm 25 pre everything trans women / questioning person who is still living as a guy. The picture is from this weekend before I went out as Courtney with some queer friends I have made recently ( still not out to any of my friends and family)
More photos at this link:  https://imgur.com/a/BLNfB

I have a degree in construction Managment and engineering systems from A big well respected state school's engineering department and have been working for Kroger, the grocery store, as a project manager for their engineering and construction department for about 2 years now. Great job, I like it, have a comfortable salary with great benefits and health insurance( which will be important if i transition) and potential ( at least now as a guy before I <not allowed> everything up) to move up the corporate ladder.

If anyone is in the construction field I am a project manager for the owner, for their construction projects. ie building new stores and remodeling their old ones. My job is to manage the general contractor, the schedule, budget, run job meetings, and coordinate with the Kroger store folks and upper Managment on the status of the construction project and day to day issues. I basically keep the balls juggling and everyone communicating and working together. I spend about half of my time dealing with Kroger people in my office and in stores, and the other half my time managing the contractors and subcontractors and running job meeting on site and in the stores.

I am really worried about this career if I transition. I'm not worried about being fired by Kroger, they are a big company and would not discriminate and try and pull something like  that because they would get sued and have a reputation to maintain but still..... How am I supposed to run job meetings 30 some plumbers and carpentry workers  who are in their 50s. I'm not saying I couldn't do it but talk about embarrassing and toxic environment to work in. I have to have respect from them to do my job but not only that I am having to meet with and manage brand new blue collar construction workers and their bosses in the office everyday.  Meeting new people and having to manage them when they come from that background seems so scary and undoable I am worried I am going to have to switch careers.

I guess none of this will matter if I am able to go stealth like i want to after I transition, but I am not sure that is going to happen since I would be transitioning at the age of 26 and might not ever be able to pass. Any advice is appreciated.

You are a woman, no question, you look amazing :-)

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Hello! first off, you look great! Now that that's out of the way, I wanna give you my input, which may be useful seeing as how I've been in a construction union for 6 years

This is going to sound a little harsh, but as a project manager you are an authority figure on the job site, and that alone is going to get people to hold things against you and probably not like you. It sucks, but that's how it is. a lot of construction guys can seem nice but once you get to know them are very narrow minded. I've come across a few people who have been real jerks, but honestly, I don't think anyone is going to be mean to you to your face, they can get fired for that. They will probably talk about you behind your back, but that's going to happen regardless of who you are. and don't think that it's just because you're trans, even cis women on jobs get slandered and objectified behind their backs. you need to have a thick skin to be in this trade, and I developed one over the last few years. When it comes down to it, I always keep 2 things in mind... it's what I do to live, not what I live to do, so who cares what people think? also, I'm not there to make friends, I'm there to make money, so again, who cares lol. all that said, I'm going to start looking for a new career after the new year starts. I finally got vested into my union this year so now I can quit without losing my benefits! The thought of a job hunt terrifies me, I haven't filled out an application since 2004!

best of luck with everything, I'm sure you will be fine!

You look fantastic and a amazing and beautiful xox

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