I wasn't really sure where to post this. What's your opinion on dating dating people whilst being in the closet? Have you had experience of this? What would your advice be to others?

Just recently, I was 'seeing someone' who was also trans, then I told them I was trans, and they ended it. I was really angry at them at first, but now I completely understand why they felt that way, and made me realise that I was no where near being in the right frame of mind to even entertain the idea of dating. I probably won't even consider dating until I've figured everything out and started living as a female.

I specifically turned down a couple relationships while I was closeted and undecided about transition, and one while I was just starting transition. I'm not saying this should be required, however I knew I wasn't ready to do so.

Personally, I think that planning to have a relationship with someone necessitates having some stability, and being open and honest. It's also a lot easier to upfront about being trans, in my experience, otherwise it made me feel like a cat fishing jerk. Disclosure can be tricky, it requires practice to get better at knowing the right time and remaining confident while doing so, rather than feeling like you're confessing a death sentence.

Dating without disclosing is doable, especially while closeted, I just worry that the people who do so are setting themselves up for catching feelings for someone unwilling to date trans people. I think it's easier to date while trans, if you are ok with being transgender. I hated being in the closet, I hated the first year of transitioning because I did it in stealth mode. It just made me feel like more of a fraud and put off building the type of life I want to live.


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Don't do it.  If you're still in the closet, that means you're not living as your true self.  Dating is about getting to know someone.  How can your date get to know you if you're not even presenting as yourself?

Any solid and lasting relationship needs a foundation of honesty - that is all ...

I agree, don't do it.  I did that dating gay men, since we'll I like men.  They ended up liking me, but not for reasons that was my true self.  I ended up depressed after every date.  Better to transition, then when you are close to presenting, go as yourself.  That's what I'm going to do now.  Can't wait till that time comes.

Bari Jo