Hi my name is Jason Williams but I perfere to be called Amy
I live in Southeastern IL
I am 33 years old
My story is one you most likel heared many times over but is might also not be one you have ever heard before.
When I was younger arund the age of 6th I started having this dream to this day I still have this same dream but over times more and more details have come to light in the dream
I am going to tell you first the earliest version I remembr then I will tell you the latest version of it
"Ths dream is daul coloring everything is like it has a grey tent to it I look and noticed I am a child
about the age of 5 maybe older, I am siting on this cloud when this Angel comes to see me, She says somthing
but I can not hear what she says instead I get up and start walking with her
I turn around and noticed I was sitting in a circle with girls and I look down and noticed I am wearing a Dress,
We come to 2 door 1 has the male sign on it the other has a female sign on it
she says something but I again do not hear what is said when i start walking to the door with the
male sign she stops me and say something else and points to the female door as I am about to walk though it
Another angel shows up this time a guy the 2 angels argue for a moment then he pickes me up puts
me though the Male d
oor right as I am about to fall I do hear the 1st Angel say Now you have done it"
Over time the dream more details came to light
"The Dream is no longer daul with a grey tent in stead its full of color. What the 1st Angle said to me to get me to follow her was "Its time to be born little one" As we are walking the dress I noticed I am wearing is Pink and Purple in color the same dress all the girls are wearing in the circle something I did not noticed before was one of the girls in the circle said good luck to me,
When we got to the doors she told me to go though the girls door
The argument the 2 Angel have goes like this
M Angel: I have changed my mind about this one
F Angel: You can not do that once they been asigned a Door it can not be changed
M Angel: He has given me final say over which door each soul goes though and I changed my mind
F Angel: But its a female soul it needs to be born female
M Angel: Normal you would be right yes this is a female soul but I Made my call.
F Angel: We had a deal all 4 would be born female
M Angel: That was before now I am saying Male
M Angel: Ths one has a special destiny to play and I believe he can get the job done as a male not a a female
F Angel: I know of her destiny and you ware wrong
This is when he picked me up and puts me though the male door
F Angle: Now you have done it Her life is going to be messed up just like all the others you have done this to."
When I was 10 years old Some of my extended family members did not like me mostly an Aunt who told everyone a lie on me she acused me of trying
to kill my sister when my sister was chocking but instead I was trying to save her life, No one believed me, (Lucky she lived)
My mother had me comited to a mental hospital for a short time (2 weeks), During my time there I came out
to a doctor about my dream and I wanted to be female,
The Doctor told me I had to tell my mother but given she did not believe me about my sister I was scared
plus my grandmother who is very religion person who help support us would stop and we would have ended up homeless,
So me and the Doctor came to an agreement I could wear girls clothing during my time at the hospital
The problem was they did not have much that would fit me do to my weight I was over weight for my age (still am)
And my part of the agreement was I had to complete my entire treatment for the reason I was in this hospital and make no trouble for any one, I agrree
I was aloud to wear Panties, and a Bathing suit because it was all they ahd that fit me and the bathingsuit was an old 1 peice bathing suit, so it would help hid my penis.
The girls allowed me to dress with them but I had to stay in a sport were I would not be allowed to see them get dressed,
During my time there My happest moments were when we went swiming, I complete my treatment, The Doctor dignotised me with
a Nerlogical Disorder, With Explosive tendencys, I was released from my the hospital the Doctor gave me 1 last chance to tell my mother but I backed out if I had told her he was going to give me the bathing suit.
I was just to scared of my Grandma more and I knew what would happen if she found out she had drilled the religion stuff into us from a young age but I have always questioned even though I have this dream I still question some things.
Years later a Doctor dignotised me with a Learning disorder ontope of my nerlogical disorder acoording to the doctor I had the mind, reading, writing levels of a 10 year old
I did not come out again till High School were I came out to a Girl at School, She agree to keep my secret in she could do make up on me at school
I agree so long as we washed it off before I had to get on the bus to head home,
She forgot to undo my toe nails one time and I end up lieing to my mother about it saying it was a school prank,
I end up coming out to a male friend who told my mother but when I got questioned I lied.
Years later I was sick and tired of all the lieing so I end up writing my mother a note but I got scared so I though it away she found it.
After school we talked and I found out she was crying blaming her self all day so I felt Like I did something wrong so i told her the reason I though the note away was because it was a Joke that I diecied not to go though with. She bought it.
After I got into colloge I still lived with my mother, I finall told her the full truth and she accpeted me this time not blaming her self or crying I think she knew the note was true I was just not ready to come out to her
But he came to agreement till she had time to accpet me as a Girl she would let me dress up as a Girl at home but not outside the house she would allow me to wear panties outside the hosue but she asked I try and not use public restrooms
That was 10 years ago, To this day I am still only allowed to wear Panties outside even though I am 33 years old now.
I can not live on my own so I currently live with my mother and my partner (Sorta)
When my best friend was 15 He that when I meet him his bilogical mother was abusive not physical (Well some what on that) more Emortionaly as well as Finacally abusive.
Chris would stay at my house 6 out of 7 days a week but his mother was taking his SSI Check and spending it on her self only giving my mother 100 a month at first because of how she fed chris he was at less 200 Pounds over weight,
When Chris was 17 his grandmother passed away the School Kicked chris out over a stuipd Joke that a girl started but he got blamed for it, So his mother shiped him off to Jobcorp
His mother wanted Chris to become a Chef so Chirs could make money she could spend 1 month before chris turned 18 Chris ran away from Jobcorp it workes with the milltary so chris was consider awalled.
He end up on our door step. My mother had her feel of all this so she asked Chris mother to sign gaurdianship papers giving gaurdinship to her.
His mother signed them in a heart beat. He started calling me his brother on that day, Years later we end up becoming more then Brothers,
My step-father he knew I wanted to be a girl but he did not fully understood everything so he just ignored it and let me do my own thing, He passed away earlier this year which hurt us $ wise I came out to him when I finally came out to my mother
till a day ago I did not know that my Medicaid would pay for HRT or even part of some of the surgerys but I was told that come Jan that would all end (Nice finding it out near the end)
To keep my SSI Check years ago I had to see a theripest who was one of them who can not give out meds and is just there for you to talk to not real help,
But behind everyones backs she dianotised me as 10 year old girl she made it clear this as an Unofficial Digantostis because official she could not make that kind of call, Only a theripest who can proscribe meds can make that kind of call official which our Town does not have all the theripest only do the talking no meds.
I am 33 years old and I like
Anime, Cartoons, Video Games, TCGs, as well as very few live action TV Series
The Animes I watch are (By the way I watch Dub over Sub but will watch Subs if there is little or no Dub this is not a list of all just a few
Sailor Moon: Crystal (39)
Sailor Moon: The orignal Dub
Sailor Moon: The new Viz Dub (Like is but like the orignal more)
Cardcaptor Sakura
Castlevania (One of my newest)
Dance in the Vampire Bund Dubbed
Digimon
Duel Masters and Kaijudo
Fullmetal Alchemist and Brotherhood
Owari no Seraph
Pokemon (All Season expet Sun and Moon I just can not get into it)
Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Sonic X
ThunderCats 2011
Transformers
Vampire Knight
Voltron
Yu-Gi-Oh!
Cartoons mostly from my childhood or remakes of the shows, (I am not going to list them in less some one asked) I will say in 2015 I discorver my all time new favor cartoon My Little Pony Friendship is magic
My videos games mostly are ones based on what I like to watch there some I play because Chris got me into them (I will not list them in less soe one ask)
I also like playing the
Pokemon TCG, YGO TCG, and The My Little Pony CCG
Based on how I act some times and my likes the theripest said I most likely have the mind of a 10 year old Girl and I mostly likely will always be like this,
Official there nothing she could do for me but unofficial she gave me a link to a site
It was called Warp My Mind
For years I kept the site saved in my bookmarks but overtime I forgot about it. till earlier this year.
after a long talk with chris about this
We would agree to try some free files after all it takes both of our SSI Checks along with my mothers own disabilty check to pay the bills
We found some that claim that it could change your gender with out the surgery, de-age the body and change your memories
I never really believed in Hypnotis but I told Chris I am at this point game to try anything. My mother currently does not know I plan on using the files
She does not belive hypnotis is real either and she has her own belifs and stuff.
Givine I heard Medicaid is changing the rules come Jan 1st and because IL Law says I must be seeing a theriest for 2 years and be on HRT for 2 years before I can have the surgery I am not sure what to do.
I posted on Warp my Mind and was given this site saying that people here could help me Out.
If what they claim in some of the discriptions for the files is true I am not sure why all
Transgender people not use these files to help them with all the BS in the News with States and the
Federal Govermemnt trying to limit LGBT Rights,
I was able to get my Medical records from my mother from the time I was in that hospital The Doctor lied in them why I was admited for and he did keep his word though about not putting my Gender Idenity Disorder in the file but now I kind of wish he had.
I would try to pass as a women behind my mothers back but I can not, not only do I not look anything like a female I am just so much over weight. if that dream was more then a dream I like to know what destiny they were talking about because over the years I become mostlyy a lazy slob I been trying to work on getting better but I am 100 to 200 pinds over weight, my hygin is not always good, and my health is not poor but its not good, oh and When I look in the mior I see this ugly man not the beutifile girl I m on the inside.
Well I will leave it there for now
I am glad I have found a place I could share my full story with out being Judged.
