***WARNING - This might be triggering for some, dont read if you're easily offended ***

I'm having major issues with my feelings of wanting to transition. 
And Im fluctuating between excitement, and extreme depression.

I really, really want to do it, and I know its right for me, since I've had these feelings forever.

But.....

I forced myself to just google all the most anti-trans stuff I can find, so that I can force myself to see things from  another perspective and see what 'others' might see when it comes to this topic.

Things like ultra-conservative blogs, religous sites, etc.  Then I went down the whole 'Illuminati Transgender Agenda' rabbit hole.  And I find myself agreeing with some of it!?

In that "->-bleeped-<- is everywhere",  and there are trans-trenders,  and you can't turn the TV on without hearing about gender politics in some way or another. 

It's almost like its this 'narrative' that they want everyone to follow, and all of us people wanting to transition suddenly are like their drones, that they've 'switched on/activated', like a very subtle form of mind control, in order to control the population and/or de-population, and obviously big-pharma loves it, (hormones, surgery costs etc)


I don't necessarily believe this at all....and my decision to transition now, is based waay more on very recent personal revelations, and where I am at in life, versus any real media influence (I barely watch TV)

but you know....the whole thing really also doesn't sound that far fetched to me either.
Should I just put my tinfoil hat away? and Im I being crazy??!   

A friend even said to me...."Oh you just think youre trans, cuz its trendy now".
(which was triggering, and so obviously not true, cuz nobody wants to go on hormones, and get surgery, because its 'trendy' ffs)

But this was actually the comment, that got me started on this whole seeking out anti-trans media to consume.

Ugh, Im going crazy with this! 
Am I just looking for any excuse to not transition, because I know it will be the easier route??!?!   

Kayla

I don't think that looking at right-wing conspiracy sites is going to help you make up your mind about what you want to do.  Unfortunately, no one else can help you with the decision of whether to transition or not.  It's entirely personal.  You don't like the idea of someone else secretly trying to make you transition (which is not happening, but that's another story), so why would you look to the opinions of others when thinking of not transitioning?   I would quit looking to the internet and take a good look inside first. 

Quote from: kayla1618 on October 25, 2017, 11:05:18 AM
Ugh, Im going crazy with this! 
Am I just looking for any excuse to not transition, because I know it will be the easier route??!?!   

Its only easier of you don't mind going though this for the rest of your life.

Quote from: AnonyMs on October 25, 2017, 11:40:56 AM
Its only easier of you don't mind going though this for the rest of your life.

You're totally right.... it will haunt me for the rest of my life most likely....and I have a feeling that no matter what, eventually, I will transition.  So its probably better to just do it now, versus when Im 45, or 55 or 65.

But yeah, I pretty much only meant easier as in, least resistance. Less money, less time, less effort, less social-pain/losing friends/work.  Thats probably not a good way to measure the decision.  As all things worth doing, are never easy.

I see you're an optimist.

There was a post a while ago about someone who "successfully" reached the end of their life without transitioning. It was a very hard read. Unfortunately its disappeared, as it was quite motivating.

Some people are trapped by their childhood and cultural indoctrination. They don't know why they believe what they believe and some don't even understand it and are parroting fools. It's hard enough though for a person with an open mind to understand us, these people will double and triple down on their ignorance and stupidity when they come within 100 feet of cognitive dissonance. They use 2000 year old ideas and understanding of nature to judge others. It's a malignant form of musterbation and tribal nonsense. Someday these fools will be gone and good riddance. Unfortunately it's goioto take some time.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

You can focus on the negative or the whacky theories. (We all do at times, likely) or focus on the science and the positive things. You get to live life as your genuine self and although there will be hardship, there will also be many wonderful experiences and moments.

As everyone says it is a very personal decision.

Quote from: kayla1618 on October 25, 2017, 11:05:18 AM

I'm having major issues with my feelings of wanting to transition. 
And Im fluctuating between excitement, and extreme depression.

* * *

Kayla

Good morning, Kayla!

What stands out all over your post is the high level of ambivalence you feel.  And that generates a high level of anxiety.

It seems like you are not certain whether you are really trans or not.  And less sure yet whether to transition.  Since you're not sure whether you're trans, I suggest you just disregard the transition issue for the time being.  You're not at the point where you can make that decision yet, so there's no point in stressing over it.  Just focus on the first issue: who you are.

If you have questions about your feelings and your identity, it's not productive to wallow in the ravings of lunatics and religious fanatics who are preaching that you're sick and evil and deluded.  Those folks have no idea what's going on inside your head or your body.

I would suggest you drop back to exploration of your own feelings and wishes and identity.  Find yourself a good therapist with experience in gender identity issues.  Take some time to talk it over and start to sort out who you are and what you want.  It's likely to take a few months, so don't be impatient with the process.  It's worth the time and effort.

Once you get a grounding in what direction you want to go in, a good gender therapist can also give a lot of useful information about transition (if that's what you decide to do) or adjusting to life without transition.  Also, a therapist can suggest some thought exercises or maybe recommend some medication that will bring down your level of anxiety.

Take a deep breath!  Drop back and start figuring out what you want, one step at a time.  Be sure of how you feel on each step before you take the next.  You don't have to make an ultimate decision right now that you will have to live with for the rest of your life.

Ditch the religious tracts and anti-trans screed you're reading.  Figure it out for yourself, a little bit at a time.

When you use the internet, fact checking is critical. When it comes to discussing ->-bleeped-<-, there is a pile of information where somebody was thinking with their gonads instead of their brain. Ideas like if you have a Y chromosome you will always be a boy and if you don't you will always be a girl are far from the truth.

On this site we explore the medical side of this and if you study this subject as you should, you will approach the level of knowledge that the doctors treating you have. This knowledge will be critical for you to live a happy life.

If you have thoughts you want to explore, bring them here. In the end you will be making the decision about your life but please make it with the correct information and not based on somebodies fear about us.

Truth of Life:
If you THINK you are Trans..... You Are

A very simple question. Cis people Do Not think think about this.


Totally Hard Question:
Where On "The Spectrum" between cis female & cis male are you?   Today?

QuoteIt's almost like its this 'narrative' that they want everyone to follow, and all of us people wanting to transition suddenly are like their drones, that they've 'switched on/activated', like a very subtle form of mind control, in order to control the population and/or de-population, and obviously big-pharma loves it, (hormones, surgery costs etc)

Pretty rubbish mind control, seeing as it only works on about 0.00001% of  the population.

Why are we the select few that get chosen?  You would think mind control be more widespread.

Quote from: JMJW on October 28, 2017, 12:49:56 PM
Pretty rubbish mind control, seeing as it only works on about 0.00001% of  the population.

hahaha, yeah never thought about it that way. 

I do kind of wonder about the medias over-focus on trans issues.  Like is it actually helpful or is it doing more harm than good.

In a way its helpful, because it informs others, and allows a greater undertstanding.

But on the other hand, now you have people on youtube doing "transvestigations",
and accusing literally 95% of hollywood to be trans.  That can't be a good thing.

Also..clockability wise, the more people know about it, the more you can clock based on subtle things like finger length, brow ridge etc.  Like more media visibility, breeds more public scrutiny, which seems dangerous

But anyway....regardless of all this bull->-bleeped-<- propoganda I've been reading, and pushback from some family and friends... I've decided to continue forward with my transition anyways, because ultimately, its the right thing for me. 
Start on HRT in a week and a half!  So excited! 

Finally happy to be doing something for myself for once in my life, as opposed to just trying to please others all the time.

I looked at some of that crap a while ago. When I was doubting myself and thinking I was indeed just stupid. Instead of gaining any real knowledge or understanding after veiwing ''gender critical'' sites or the typings of Walt Heyer or the ilk like him, i instead ended up feeling physically sick and 10x mentally worse and litterly hollowed out. You best do yourself a favour and not listen to people who could care less if you live or die, let alone if you are happy.

To be honest, I didn't read what you typed. I read the title, and saw your picture and that was enough for me. Are you kidding? You're absolutely beautiful! I would ask you out in a heartbeat. You're so my type of girl. Angry people often speak the loudest and the most often, so it's always seems like there are more haters out there than there actually are. I know it's a downer though. Knowing that there are people out there that hate you just for being you, and they don't even know you. A truly religious person has love for everyone, and doesn't use it to send out hate speeches. And the rest are either ignorant or just going with the flow. Meme's are the worst. They are just used to make fun of people for the most part. You shouldn't have any doubt. The only reason you shouldn't transition if that is something you never wanted for yourself. Be brave, be bold, be you!

I still can't believe how cute you are. Seriously if you're ever in Belgium look me up.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Ignore all those dimwits
And you just be you.

It sounds as if you've not yet accepted that you are transgender and are looking to others for something that will answer that question for you.  Only you can give yourself "permission" to be transgender.  Perhaps you can gain greater insight into your truth through others experiences.  Two books that helped me crystallize my thinking (and acceptance) were: "Tea and Transition" and "The Transgendered Self".  Both are available to download. You can find the latter at www.avitale.com along with a number of free essays/treatises on gender identity issues and related dysphoria.

Education has been my greatest ally in my struggle to give myself permission to find and accept my truth..... I hope you find it helpful too. 

Oh, and if you haven't found and started working with an experienced professional to help you along your journey, that should be high on your list of things to do to make the ride less bumpy.

Quote from: Kendra on November 06, 2017, 07:47:56 AM
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Ignore all those dimwits
And you just be you.

This is the best advice 

Reading through the thread, it looks like you've decided to transition, and I'm happy for you!

When I was figuring out if I'm trans or not, I looked at a lot of "evidence" from both sides of the issue and tried to talk myself out of what I knew was the truth because I didn't want to accept my identity and didn't want to "deal with" transitioning.  I used to make really anxious, nonsensical posts on here but I'm glad to say I've moved away from that.

One thing that helped me out: whenever I got wound up about not knowing if I were trans or not, I thought that if I existed in a vacuum, where it was only me and nothing else, I would want to transition.  That helped me realize I was only afraid of what other people would think.  It took me several years to really come to terms with things, and it's fine to take the time if you need it.  Back when I was unsure, I also realized that the best thing would be to at least try hormones and see how they made me feel; I recognized that if I never tried transitioning, I would spend the rest of my life wondering.

But yeah, I pretty much only meant easier as in, least resistance. Less money, less time, less effort, less social-pain/losing friends/work.  Thats probably not a good way to measure the decision.

Hi, I totally get you  ! Whenever I feel desperate (and my situation right now is pretty desperate), I feel compelled to read such BS - just to make myself feel worse, I guess  ! It's completely "normal". There's always that tiny voice in the back of my mind wishing life was easier and I didn't have to deal with all this. The voice that says: Isn't there ANY way you could just cope with being a girl and function in the body you were given without wishing you were different?!

Because... I don't pass, I'm pre-everything, I wanted to transition (start T) long time ago but couldn't... etc. etc. etc. But I just can't change my personality! It doesn't work that way!

But don't be worried if you sometimes get anxious and carried away and start shoveling that ->-bleeped-<- down your throat... In your conscious mind you know what BS it is and that you're only doing it because your mind desperately wants to find an escape route from an unbearable situation  !

But be careful you don't start actually believing in those stories, right? When you think of it as your mind trying desperately to relieve you from all this pain - it's actually quite understandable! It's the same thing/mechanism as in any difficult situation in life - you easily fantasize about getting some easy way out of it - like... 'should I just start selling myself to get some money' or 'should I just take a leap of fate and move to a different country with that shady guy that I know in the back of my mind is probably a human trafficker'... etc. etc.! No one "wants" to be trans - for sure! So your mind is just panicking, and trying to figure out any other possible explanation but this to your feelings. Anything but this!

I do it (read some unhealthy stuff) when I feel like this is never gonna work out... And to dwell in the grim prospect of discrimination and how people perceive us after transition... But the next day I again wake up as me, a guy, . Nothing has changed. I also do this if I'm stressed out and not eaten/slept properly... So I advice you to try to eat something or distract yourself whenever that "urge" hits, ! But sometimes it's just too good (or bad) to resist... Sometimes you need to dwell on it (your life circumstance and how on hell did you get here) and take a little step on the dark side... But nothing good ever comes of it,  !

You just get yourself a headache and a ruined day (or few hours) and a ->-bleeped-<-ty mood for the rest of the day! But you'll get over it  . Next day you'll be just fine.

Just remember to take good care of yourself and your body's needs!

Good luck with your transition!

Dwelling on those things (and haters) is a type of self-torture. Yet sometimes you need it. Maybe you start out with that voice whispering in your ear that 'maybe being trans isn't a thing after all and you are just imagining' - and end up reading and reading until you feel physically sick... and start hating the haters so much, it reminds you that this is you, and yes, you really need to do this to yourself, ! And those people are the sick ones spreading that much hate in the world, not you!

I actually agree with a lot of the Anti-Trans info.  It HAS become trendy.  Teens and preteens come out as trans or genderqueer all the time...and for a lot of  them it's the new "cutting for attention."  and a ton of them just magically get over it in a year or two....  I've watched more than one masculine lesbian get talked into transitioning, regret it and quit.

There's a line between confused and transgender and nobody is allowed to guess where it is for fear of the mobs that will harass them for being politically incorrect.

But if you stick with it long enough, it doesn't matter.  If you aren't trans in the beginning you will be by the end.  Our brains are a sum of what we think, say, and do.  A person CAN BECOME trans.

and before I get bombarded with accusations of being full of hate, I want to state that this is my OPINION that I am entitled to