I am wanting to say first off I have been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. I was when I was 14/15. I also am in therapy for anxiety and OCD. For the last few weeks I have been thinking and worrying I might be transgender. I met a transgender woman in my group therapy and IDK if that is where it started. I would think, " Am I transgender? ". And that is where all of it would spiral out. As far as I know, I have never questioned my gender. I mean I would ask why I am not as girly as my sister, I have self imagery issues with my boobs being two different sizes and before I went on birth control, I would have irregular periods. I am 27 right now. My parents have told me I never had any bad things about being a girl when I was little. My psychologist has told me that people who are transgender know from a early age that something is different about them. And I have been told and read that they feel different about their bodies and don't feel right with them. As far as I know, I have never thought about having a penis or be on testosterone. I have not had thoughts about having a male brain as far as I know. I haven't had thoughts of cutting off my boobs for a flat chest. I already have a flat chest and my boobs aren't even that big. At this point I am just really tired and feel anxious a lot. I felt as if my anxiety and OCD or whatever all of this was for me was getting better and then BOOM. this happens. I know it would not be a bad thing if I was trans or wanted to be a guy etc. But....as far as I know.....I never thought that way. It's all so confusing.

Well, first of all, not everybody knows or suspects that they're trans from an early age.  Some people figure it out as teens, or as adults.  That doesn't necessarily mean that you are trans, though.  And even if you were trans, that wouldn't mean you'd have to run out and get surgery and hormones any time soon, or ever. 

When I was beginning to suspect I was trans, I experimented with my gender expression for a while.  I picked up some guys' clothes and wore them around the house to see how that felt.  Then I tried wearing them out and about.  When that felt ****ing awesome, I cut my hair into an androgynous style and got less feminine glasses.  That felt great too--like finally being let out of a very small cell.  The further I've gone in my transition, the better I've felt. 

Gender non-conforming women are relatively lucky in that society doesn't freak out as much when they present masculine as it does when men present feminine.  I suggest you use that comparative freedom to try out different styles of dressing, hair, etc.  If it feels like an amazing rebirth, you might be trans.  If it's just kind of meh, you probably aren't.   Definitely work through your feelings with your therapist, either way. 

Good luck, and happy experimenting! 

Welcome to Susan's Place. Your therapist is incorrect about us knowing at an early age. I didn't figure it out until I was age 13 and we have members currently on the site who are just figuring it out at age 60. For those of us who figure it out latter, there tends to be a trigger that starts us thinking in that direction. The trigger can be anything but you will know what it was. Most of us can look at our life before the trigger and see thing that weren't normal in our life. It could be not enjoying something or preferring to do something.

The question you will need to answer is would you be happier as a man or a woman. When you know the answer to that, you will know what to do.

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Quote from: Dena on October 26, 2017, 12:27:00 AM
Welcome to Susan's Place. Your therapist is incorrect about us knowing at an early age. I didn't figure it out until I was age 13 and we have members currently on the site who are just figuring it out at age 60. For those of us who figure it out latter, there tends to be a trigger that starts us thinking in that direction. The trigger can be anything but you will know what it was. Most of us can look at our life before the trigger and see thing that weren't normal in our life. It could be not enjoying something or preferring to do something.

The question you will need to answer is would you be happier as a man or a woman. When you know the answer to that, you will know what to do.

Things that you should read

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Now I just feel more confused. As far as I know.....I have never thought of having a penis or wanting to be a man. And what I mean by my therapist is that she says that they always knew....and that it came from an early age. Its not when someone decides they are transgender but knowing the feelings you feel. Now at this point IDK if all of this is real or if its my OCD/anxiety. Within the last few months I have had thoughts of being a violent person. I have had thoughts/feelings of not loving my parents. I have had thoughts/feeling of being gay/bi. And yet I have felt some arousal towards this guy I know.

I just miss being happy. i feel like all this is saying is i am trans and I should just accept it. I never have screamed at the top of my lung...." I HATE BEING A GIRL!!!" AS far as I know I have never felt anxious about being a girl except maybe not being very feminine.

As far as I know I have never had the wish of waking up as a guy. I have never thought about me being a guy in the future. All I want is some peace. These last 4-5 months have been hell for me. Going through feelings of whether or not I love this guy who is in my life, whether or not I love my parents, whether or not I am gay/bi: even though I have felt some aroused feelings toward same guy, then questioning if I am transgender. I honestly dont think I have had a real moment of peace. And it just makes me sad. I has made me tired.

Quote from: BJ0909 on October 26, 2017, 12:38:54 AMAnd what I mean by my therapist is that she says that they always knew....and that it came from an early age.

Well, just from a factual standpoint, that's not true.  Some people figure it out later than others.  None of that means you have to be trans, though.

If you'll tolerate my totally non-professional opinion though, it sounds as if you are probably not trans.  Or gay/bi.  Or an unloving child.  It sounds like you are so scared of those things being true that you've become half-convinced that they are.  Just because you're afraid of something doesn't mean it will come to pass.   Sometimes I get scared I have cancer.  That will not magically give me cancer.

Has your therapist given you any suggestions about what to do when obsessive anxious thoughts begin to take hold? 

Sweetie, feel free to tell your therapist about me.. I hadn't a clue until I was 44, not a jot of an idea, and even so it's not a cut and dried 'I'm mtf', I'm somewhere in the middle - these are all spectrums.

How would you feel if someone said that you were bisexual, or bigender.?

Rowan

Count me in. I didnt experience full dysphoira until age 13. She is clearly not trained in gender identity

The sexuality thing hasnt bothered me as much. The transgender thing has been causing me non stop grief and anxiety. I just feel more confused now more than ever. And if she is trained in gender identity I dont know. I am not against being transgender or am in no way discriminatory. But now I just feel even more confused. I felt as if I was doing ok.....and now all of this has happened. And now IDK what to even believe in who I am now.

God a few weeks ago I felt as I was getting a little better....I was starting to feel maybe a little happier...Up until this point I barely ever if maybe never had a thought of being transgender and now......all I feel now is confused and stressed and idk....I felt as if I was happy 2 years ago and now....I just dont want to cry anymore....

While only you can decide for yourself what you are or are not, keep a few things in mind...

First, as others have said, a lot, perhaps most, people don't know they are transgender until well past the cliche of the 5 year old boldly declaring they are the gender opposite their assigned gender at birth.

Second, being transgender is not about feeling you want/don't want a penis/vagina, or breasts, or a masculine body or a feminine body or any of that. Those feelings are symptoms that vary person to person.

Third, it is a very, very broad spectrum. Even if you decide you are transgender, it doesn't mean you have to do anything, or that you want to be a man or don't want to be a woman, and generally comes with no requirements and expectations attached. It doesn't even mean that you have to commit to a single point on the spectrum, and you are free to move along it as you feel you need, or even abandon it entirely. There are people who never transition, people who transition to various degrees, people who simply cross dress and find comfort in being their assigned gender while expressing opposite gender traits or androgynous traits.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter what your label is. Just do what you feel you need to do to be happy. (That doesn't involve felonies anyway. ) The important thing is not whether or not you are transgender, or gay or bi, or anything else... it's that you are you, and you are true to yourself. Now of course finding out what you need to do to be true to yourself is easier said than done. It has taken many people decades or entire lifetimes to come to terms with themselves, and some never do, and that isn't something limited to gender and sexuality issues in the slightest. But don't let that be discouraging. That's just sort of how life works, we are in a constant state of self exploration and looking for ways to find what truly makes us happy, and often what does make us happy will change over time so you have to do some even more exploring when that time comes.

(Look at me, talking like I know anything about life. )

Quote from: Roll on October 26, 2017, 11:43:44 AM
While only you can decide for yourself what you are or are not, keep a few things in mind...

First, as others have said, a lot, perhaps most, people don't know they are transgender until well past the cliche of the 5 year old boldly declaring they are the gender opposite their assigned gender at birth.

Second, being transgender is not about feeling you want/don't want a penis/vagina, or breasts, or a masculine body or a feminine body or any of that. Those feelings are symptoms that vary person to person.

Third, it is a very, very broad spectrum. Even if you decide you are transgender, it doesn't mean you have to do anything, or that you want to be a man or don't want to be a woman, and generally comes with no requirements and expectations attached. It doesn't even mean that you have to commit to a single point on the spectrum, and you are free to move along it as you feel you need, or even abandon it entirely. There are people who never transition, people who transition to various degrees, people who simply cross dress and find comfort in being their assigned gender while expressing opposite gender traits or androgynous traits.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter what your label is. Just do what you feel you need to do to be happy. (That doesn't involve felonies anyway. ) The important thing is not whether or not you are transgender, or gay or bi, or anything else... it's that you are you, and you are true to yourself. Now of course finding out what you need to do to be true to yourself is easier said than done. It has taken many people decades or entire lifetimes to come to terms with themselves, and some never do, and that isn't something limited to gender and sexuality issues in the slightest. But don't let that be discouraging. That's just sort of how life works, we are in a constant state of self exploration and looking for ways to find what truly makes us happy, and often what does make us happy will change over time so you have to do some even more exploring when that time comes.

(Look at me, talking like I know anything about life. )

I guess I was just starting to feel as if my anxiety and everything I was dealing with was getting a little better. That was starting to feel somewhat happy. And then all of this washed over me and now I just feel so confused. As far as I know I have never disliked being a girl. Yes I wish my chest was the same size....but like....I know I am not a really feminine girl. I wear a lot of jeans and tennis shoes and anime shirts and geeky stuff. I never as far as I know was bothered by wearing makeup...I know I am more masculine than feminine. But I was never bothered by my name except when people misspelled it a lot. And I would be sad in not finding my name in gift shops but....I never disliked my name in a feminine sense. I know I never had thoughts of, "Oh I want to be a boy!!!" It just never as far as I know crossed my mind....All I want in my life is to be a good person....

Quote from: BJ0909 on October 25, 2017, 11:50:40 PM
I am wanting to say first off I have been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome. I was when I was 14/15. I also am in therapy for anxiety and OCD. For the last few weeks I have been thinking and worrying I might be transgender. I met a transgender woman in my group therapy and IDK if that is where it started. I would think, " Am I transgender? ". And that is where all of it would spiral out. As far as I know, I have never questioned my gender. I mean I would ask why I am not as girly as my sister, I have self imagery issues with my boobs being two different sizes and before I went on birth control, I would have irregular periods. I am 27 right now. My parents have told me I never had any bad things about being a girl when I was little. My psychologist has told me that people who are transgender know from a early age that something is different about them. And I have been told and read that they feel different about their bodies and don't feel right with them. As far as I know, I have never thought about having a penis or be on testosterone. I have not had thoughts about having a male brain as far as I know. I haven't had thoughts of cutting off my boobs for a flat chest. I already have a flat chest and my boobs aren't even that big. At this point I am just really tired and feel anxious a lot. I felt as if my anxiety and OCD or whatever all of this was for me was getting better and then BOOM. this happens. I know it would not be a bad thing if I was trans or wanted to be a guy etc. But....as far as I know.....I never thought that way. It's all so confusing.

I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I too have Asperger syndrome, have struggled with anxiety & depression most of my life, and have started thinking I might be transgender... well, to be honest, I'm starting to think I am (100%) transgender. Recently I've been dating a lot of feminine/trans women, I was drawn to them. I don't hate being a boy, but I would be so much happier as a girl, I've never really felt happy with my body, and never really masculine enough, and now I know why.

There are plenty of people who find out they're trans later in life, and you don't have to have gender dysphoria to be transgender, although now you're starting to question yourself, you might find that you start to feel dysphoric and unhappy about being female

Quote from: NinaW on October 26, 2017, 12:16:28 PM
I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I too have Asperger syndrome, have struggled with anxiety & depression most of my life, and have started thinking I might be transgender... well, to be honest, I'm starting to think I am (100%) transgender. Recently I've been dating a lot of feminine/trans women, I was drawn to them. I don't hate being a boy, but I would be so much happier as a girl, I've never really felt happy with my body, and never really masculine enough, and now I know why.

There are plenty of people who find out they're trans later in life, and you don't have to have gender dysphoria to be transgender, although now you're starting to question yourself, you might find that you start to feel dysphoric and unhappy about being female

i honestly dont know what to believe anymore....i never started questioning being transgender even in my 20s up until now....some of this seems have started after meeting a transgender woman....

Quote from: NinaW on October 26, 2017, 12:16:28 PM
I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I too have Asperger syndrome, have struggled with anxiety & depression most of my life, and have started thinking I might be transgender... well, to be honest, I'm starting to think I am (100%) transgender. Recently I've been dating a lot of feminine/trans women, I was drawn to them. I don't hate being a boy, but I would be so much happier as a girl, I've never really felt happy with my body, and never really masculine enough, and now I know why.

There are plenty of people who find out they're trans later in life, and you don't have to have gender dysphoria to be transgender, although now you're starting to question yourself, you might find that you start to feel dysphoric and unhappy about being female

The one thing I have always felt self conscious about was that my boobs were two different sizes. As far as I know growing up and and even now.....I know I have been more masculine than feminine. But as far as I know I have not felt dysphoric about my body....I never looked in the mirror and thought " Oh I want to be more masculine and be more of a guy..."

Quote from: BJ0909 on October 26, 2017, 12:24:33 PM
i honestly dont know what to believe anymore....i never started questioning being transgender even in my 20s up until now....some of this seems have started after meeting a transgender woman....

It's all quite new to you, so you don't need to rush when deciding/finding out what gender you are (I should take my own advice really). If you think you would be happier in the opposite sex, that's usually a big sign. As someone else as previously said, I would experiment, dress like a boy and see how it makes you feel

At this point idk if any of this all real or if it is my anxiety/OCD getting to me....within the last few months....I have had thoughts and feelings of not loving this guy who is in my life....I have had thoughts and feelings of not loving my parents....I have had thoughts and feelings of being a violent person...I have had thoughts and feelings of being gay/bi. And now this....I have not felt happy in MONTHS.....way before all of this ever started...And I was getting over those things I mentioned before.....and now ALLL of a sudden this pops up and now I feel so confused now.....and who I am as a person....basically an identity crisis....

Well, even if you are trans, your core identity doesn't change.  You are who you are.  Most trans people actually feel more like themselves than ever once they start transitioning.  So even if the "worst case" scenario is true and you are trans, that doesn't mean you're going to turn into a completely different person.

Again, my personal feeling is that you sound more like you're having anxiety/panic attacks than that you're trans.  Really the only way to find out is to experiment, though.  Get a guyish outfit together from your closet or the thrift store, and try it on.  How do you feel?  Better?  Worse?  The same?  If you feel your anxiety diminishing, you might possibly be trans.  If it doesn't help, then you're likely facing something else. 

In any case, there's no need to freak out.  You're far from having to make any big decisions right now. 

Quote from: The Flying Lemur on October 26, 2017, 12:59:18 PM
Well, even if you are trans, your core identity doesn't change.  You are who you are.  Most trans people actually feel more like themselves than ever once they start transitioning.  So even if the "worst case" scenario is true and you are trans, that doesn't mean you're going to turn into a completely different person.

Again, my personal feeling is that you sound more like you're having anxiety/panic attacks than that you're trans.  Really the only way to find out is to experiment, though.  Get a guyish outfit together from your closet or the thrift store, and try it on.  How do you feel?  Better?  Worse?  The same?  If you feel your anxiety diminishing, you might possibly be trans.  If it doesn't help, then you're likely facing something else. 

In any case, there's no need to freak out.  You're far from having to make any big decisions right now.

All I miss is being my weird and geeky self. Being good to others and not worrying about my gender or my sexuality. I just want to be a good person.