Hi guys, hope you're fine! It's been a year since I joined this community. At first I read everything and I felt way too overwhelmed by facing questions about my gender identity and reading a lot of your good and bad experiences with t, surgeries, friends and dates, etc. It was encouraging and scary at the same time. I decided to step back for a bit, just to take it all in. And as I mentioned in another post, now that I am living abroad I am willing to, well, become a more "me" version of myself.
So I just wanted to ask you, what were your first steps when you assumed your identity as men? Did you begin with binding, packing, buying clothes? Where should I begin?
I just got a haircut a week ago and I also wanted to buy some clothes (for work, 'cause I have no life outside from work). I feel way too coy when browsing for men's clothes and I am 5.6' tall, so that's going to be challenging. And I'm just not into the idea of shopping in the kids' section.
What should I do? Any tips?

Do you mean 5 feet 6 inches? I'm 5'6 and have never had to shop in the kids section even when I was pre-t. I wear a men's large in most shirts and a 9 - 10 in men's shoes. My sister's fiancé who is shorter than me never shops in the kids section either.

If you want to take things slowly then changing your wardrobe is a good place to start. You're already on the right track with getting a new more masculine haircut. Having a binder will make a world of difference if you have any dysphoria surrounding your chest and depending on your chest size it can help a lot with passing. Progress as you feel comfortable to.

Presenting more masculine was the first step I took. I cut my hair long before I came out, maybe a year before. Just already dressed masculine but buying men's clothes, especially jeans, that create a more square frame definitely helps. You'll have no trouble buying clothes, I'm 5'5, wear XXS tops and am a 26 waist and I get by just fine (mostly). It'll take you a long while to find the shops and brands that fit your body the best but you'll feel good once you find them. Binding makes the world of difference too, made me feel more confident and able to actually visualise what I'm meant to look like.

Next step would be socially transitioning so coming out to people, getting them to use male pronouns and choosing a new name. I'd recommend coming out to people you trust and that you know will take it well first so you have a few people to rely on should anything go south with anyone else. Coming out to the majority everyone does differently. Personally I put up an fb post on my old account and explained the situation blatantly and told anyone that wanted to keep in touch to add my new account. Worked out perfectly well, got a bunch of likes and nice comments, some kids that used to bully me tried to add my new account which was pretty funny in itself. Other prefer word of mouth or making a video to send to everyone explaining. It's up to you.

I'd recommend working on yourself before you come out to people. I questioned for 2 years before I accepted myself and then a further 1.5 years finding a comfortable place within me and accepting myself before I started coming out to people. It was a very difficult process due to bullying as a kid and other stuff but as long as you're happy with yourself and sure this is the first decision, don't let anyone stop you, mate.

I will approach this as a fellow trans rather than an FTM because I am an MTF. The first steps are similar though. You find a good counselor to get things going like your "T" and so that they can give you letters for various stages in your journey. It is important you get someone that knows about transgenders because some do not understand our needs. After that I started with my clothing and my hair. This is the easiest thing to identify your gender and identity. Don't feel scared to shop the men's clothing. I have seen girls over there shopping in the men's because they like the looser clothing. With your height you should be fine in the men's clothes and not the kids section. I have guy friends that are shorter than 5'6" that still shop in the men's so go there. Even if you are small waisted you should still be able to shop for guy clothing. Then once you are fully our and comfortable with your clothing start deciding whether you want surgeries and other things to help your confidence. Binders are a big one I see for your side to hide your chest. Welcome to the journey and good luck!!!!!

Hey there!   The first things I did after I came out to myself were easily-undoable things like changing my clothes, glasses, and hair.  Given the info you've provided, it sounds like you should be able to buy stuff in the men's department off the rack, but in case that's not true, I've got some links to places that do custom ordering.  It's pretty expensive, but it can be worth it to not look like you're wearing your big brother's clothes. 

Custom binders: Morris Designs: http://morrisdesigns.com/products/custom-ordering/
Custom binders 2, Shapeshifters: http://www.shapeshifters.co/how-to-measure-yourself

Custom pants:  http://www.makeyourownjeans.com/
If you order from these folks, make sure you don't take the default zipper.  Order something metal or sturdy plastic.

Custom shirts: https://www.hockerty.com/en-us/men/custom-dress-shirts/
This place does more than dress shirts, but that's the main URL.  I got a button-down flannel from them that I love. 

If your measurements are more conventional, then go to the thrift store instead.  That place is WAY cheaper.

Sorry, I meant I am 156 cm tall, so yeah, quite small as well..
This whole thing makes me way too anxious. it is too time and money consuming. I try to get distracted by work and stuff, but now that I live in a different country (away from my family and friends) I feel that now is the right time to make all these changes. I know there is no how-to-be-trans manual, as all narratives and experiences seem quite diverse. But once again I can't help but think if I'm going to be able to make it all the way through... like, wait four years to have a massive beard? Nope, I'm too anxious for that! I guess I should start therapy and look into the web therapy sites they recommend here.
Another question I've got for y'all: is there anything you stopped doing? Me, for example, I love dancing (classic dance, hip hop, etc). It makes me feel a little bit guilty I have all these 'girly' interests and I dunno if it's fair for me to stop or just challenge the hegemonic models of trans masculinity and be as fairy as can be..

Honestly? For me, transitioning is about becoming more comfortable with myself. That isn't going to happen if i transition into a mold set by what society thinks men should be (or like). I am not being true to myself, or presenting my true self, if i stop doing things that i enjoy just because society says that men shouldn't enjoy those things.

And I definitely don't fit the stereotypical "male" mold. I don't come across as very feminine but i dont come across as macho masculine, either. I hate watching sports, i'm not into cars or racing (though i do like nice cars and motorcyles), i don't spend hours at the gym pumping iron - i'm a dog groomer for goodness sakes (female dominated career) and i like doing crafts (i make my dogs' collars and i like to sew). Not changing any of that no matter how "girly" some people might think it is. My hobbies and likes are no ones business but mine, TYVM.

That being said, no one can tell someone what steps to take or how far they should take their transition. For me the biggest thing is presenting myself as masculine even back before i was out - that meant short hair and men's clothes as that is what i found to be most comfortable for me. When i finally came out as trans that meant continuing on to T. And eventually changing my name, top surgery, etc (all steps i have yet to take but are on the list).

Some guys don't go that far. Some guys are low dose T or don't take T at all. Some people identify as gender fluid. Or as neither. Some guys who identify as male also identify as gay, or as feminine men, etc. Only YOU can decide what you are most comfortable as.

I think that a huge help would be to find a therapist to speak to about this. When i first came out to my family i caved and saw a therapist that wasn't very familiar with trans issues. What a disaster. No help at ALL. This past year i started seeing someone who IS well versed, and holy crap did it help. I am now on T and the happiest i have been in YEARS. A properly trained professional will be able to help you figure out what your personal wants, needs, and goals are - be it a full transition, partial, or not at all. They will also help you with your personal life, professional life, family, friends, etc.

And FYI i'm 5 foot 3 inches and have been since high school - i shop in men's section all the time. And i've found that the waiting for changes (going on my third month on T) is more exciting than anxiety inducing. I don't know what changes are going to happen or when - waking up every day is a bit of an adventure.

I wish you luck!

Not wearing female clothes, basically. My behaviors weren't particularly feminine to begin with so there was nothing I felt I should stop doing. Aside from shaving. I stopped doing that and let my body hairs grow. The reason I shaved before was for a few purposes - it was easier to get in and out of a wetsuit without leg hair, I generally felt it lent itself to better cleanliness at the time, and I hated the prickly sensation stubble hairs give on the arms and legs so it was a cycle, easily broken by not shaving for a few months. It doesn't matter though - thorough washing with or without body hairs results in being just as clean.

Will not quit any of the stuff I like doing for the sake of appearances. I'm a sculptor in my job, something now dominated by women it seems, my acting group is 80% women, metalworking for jewelry is also dominated by women. I don't give a rat's what people think. If anything it can be a great icebreaker because you're "unusual" in the field. People wanna talk to you.

I do most clothes shopping online. As long as you double check all sizing before buying, it's rarely been an issue. It's not a matter of choice either, the nearest clothes shops worth going into are very far away from me.

Thank you for your answers! I tried not shaving and I felt validated and quite confortable. But I also felt a little bit awkward, as if something was off. I guess internalized guilt is to blame here, and I should probably discuss all of this with a therapist. The thing is, I live in Italy but I don't speak Italian! And I searched for the online therapists from this site and they all cost 100 dollars or more  Four sessions are the equivalent of the cost of the rent of my room.
I do envy you guys for having everything so sorted out. I feel like a pigeon under a heavy storm.
I will try to live up to your suggestions here and try to think a little bit outside of the box when it comes down to breaking molds and 'right ways' to be trans or male.

Quote from: Just_M on October 30, 2017, 03:24:30 PM
Thank you for your answers! I tried not shaving and I felt validated and quite confortable. But I also felt a little bit awkward, as if something was off. I guess internalized guilt is to blame here, and I should probably discuss all of this with a therapist. The thing is, I live in Italy but I don't speak Italian! And I searched for the online therapists from this site and they all cost 100 dollars or more  Four sessions are the equivalent of the cost of the rent of my room.
I do envy you guys for having everything so sorted out. I feel like a pigeon under a heavy storm.
I will try to live up to your suggestions here and try to think a little bit outside of the box when it comes down to breaking molds and 'right ways' to be trans or male.

I agree with many others here.  I didn't stop doing the things that I love "for sake of appearances" either.  I love to go dancing at the local Goth club, I cosplay and often hand-sew or modify my own costumes, I pay attention to my home sports teams only by following the scores on google, and I collect Asian Ball-Jointed Dolls, often making clothes for them as well.  (Its how I taught myself how to hand-sew.)

So as you can see, I do a mix of "male" and "female" hobbies.  There is no laws saying "you can/can't do that because you are male."  Do what makes you happy and ignore the haters!

Good luck in finding a therapist.  Do you have health insurance?  Maybe it will cover the cost of a gender therapist if you do.  Look into it.

And for the record, I have nipple-length dreadlocks. [emoji6]

Ryuichi

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