So let me tell you about this sticky situation. I was at the mall yesterday sitting alone eating my Chick-fil-A at the food court promenade. After i've finished, i threw out my things and just sat there just to chill. Mind you, that whole day, my face was made up like a cat, cat ear headband and all. It wasn't for any particular event, just a pre-Halloween thing.

Anyway, as i'm sitting by myself this guy asked if he could sit in the seat in front of me (not directly across - the small-square tables were arranged so that there's two of them together, three in some areas, and a pair of chairs across from each other at each table). At any rate, as soon as he sat down, he started going on about how he likes my cat makeup, I have a pretty name, etc. and even asked if i were seeing anybody. I told him i was married (not true) and i made up this story that i had to leave to pick up my daughter from school (i don't have children) in a few minutes. Also, after he asked where i'm from, i started to get nervous that i couldn't think straight.

I made up this other story that my husband was becoming abusive and so I was awarded full-custody of my daughter and that i live alone with her in... I told him the exact county that i live in!!! (yeah, i know, smart move). Then after listening to him talk for another minute or so, i started to leave, telling him i have to go pick up my daughter from school, but as i tried to leave, he took my hand and sat me back down! 

Nervously i stayed and sat back down for him to keep talking to me. I got even more nervous because that was my exit story and i still couldn't get away! I stayed and we talked another minute longer, until i quickly got up and made a beeline for the ladies room... to wash my hands. Mind you this man was about his late 50s or so.

After i saw him in the long thin corridor where the restrooms are, i thought i saw him following after to me. I wasn't sure if he was trying to stalk me or if he was going to the men's room, and i wasn't about to stick around to find out so i fired into the shopping area and took cover into a clothing store. I told the young lady at the entrance a man was following me and that i was coming in to take cover. Luckily one of the mall's exits is in back of that store and she showed me where it was after i asked for where it was. I never saw him again after that.

My point for sharing this experience is to express how strange i think it is that even in all that i still like when men approach me, provided he's being respectful and tasteful about it, but in such situations like that i still feel nervous, like i want to get away from him fast. Even the girl at the door seemed creeped out by the whole thing! This post is not to man-bash because that's not my intent at all, but it was a croweded mall with a few security officials so that was something.

I mean, i'm especially nervous about men approaching me because of me being trans, a pre-op girl at that. I mean, is there ever a safe way to exit when someone is trying to pick you up and you feel nervous, and don't want to tell that other person your gender status? Worse case scenario: a trans woman is approached by a straight man and they are both alone in a secluded area. During the encounter, he discovers that she's trans and he gets angry and turns violent. Yeah, i don't think there's ever really a safe way but to just bring weapons and be prepare to defend yourself if need be but even that can be illegal depending on where you live in.

Sorry this is kind of lengthy.

I'm sorry that happened to you. It does sound totally creepy. There is no time when it's appropriate for a guy to touch you without your permission.  Even if he just grabbed your hand, it still totally not acceptable.  Seeing that you were in a mall with other people, I would have said " please don't touch me. Im not interested in talking with you further, goodbye".  When I first transitioned I enjoyed attention from guys but now I find it annoying. I always say " I'm involved with someone but thank you".  That's always worked for me. As for being alone someplace and having a guy approach you, don't put yourself in that position. Don't be out alone, especially at night. You can get pepper spray and if it's legal where you live, a stun gun. You might also want to take some self defense classes.  My dad taught me the same stuff he teaches to women's self defense classes.

Stay safe.

I'm not sure if exiting at the back door was a safe move... (if it's empty and then you would need to go back to your parking lot and he might wait for you somewhere in the middle)... I'd say telling the guy not to follow you and going straight to a mall security (to ask them to escort you to your car) might be a better one.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Kidnapping people and forcing them into prostitution is a big thing right now. It sounds like that was in his intentions. Mall Security would have been a better option. If need be, they can call in the police.

I think he was just an admirer... harmless


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I had sort of similar experience. Once I was driving a car and was followed by another one. I was afraid to when I stop (I was with another MTF friend), we would be approached by 2 men in another car and possibly beaten. So I drove 90mph on a highway (in heels, I'm very aggressive driving in heels) trying to outran them and get away and they were following us 90 mph... And the legal speed limit was 55mph

Much later, they slowed down, waved us and took exit. And my friend told me they were hitting on us...! I was speechless, because I expected something bad - and the guys just had little fun and maybe some expectations for more (my friend was real cutie, if not for her voice - you wouldn't know she was trans).


So, my point is - don't expect the worst, and don't panic, because panic might make you do stupid things and make you more vulnerable.

I am not sure how I would react to being approached by a man. Not so much about being trans, but because I am not attracted to them.

Anniyah,

To me this really brings home how the situations in different places differ.

If a man here would talk to me like that I'd first basically just assume that he was friendly and curious—and probably even concerned, if I told him that I'd separated from my husband because he was becoming abusive. I'm pretty sure no-one would ever grab me by the hand, though, and if it seemed like someone was trying to follow me to the bathroom I'd be weirded out too.

Anyway, I'm glad you're safe.

Yes it can be a dangerous situation , i think a good way to get out of it is to indicate that you are lesbian or just get up and leave without saying anything.... you dont owe a stranger any explanations and your safety is paramount

At least this situation has me better prepared for next time a man takes my hand and forces me to sit back down. In that situation, i will tell him loudly to let go of me before i call for security, to attract attention. Plus, it was a crowded mall.

Quote from: elkie-t on October 28, 2017, 07:12:15 PM
I'm not sure if exiting at the back door was a safe move... (if it's empty and then you would need to go back to your parking lot and he might wait for you somewhere in the middle)... I'd say telling the guy not to follow you and going straight to a mall security (to ask them to escort you to your car) might be a better one.

I don't drive... yet. But yeah i see what you mean!

What was he talking about when he sat you back down?

That's often the tell between a genuine creeper and a lonely old dude.

Creepers will be somewhat turned on by the encounter, and there's often giveaways in their mannerisms and the things they talk about.

For example, I was once on a bus ride home and a drunk old guy started talking to me animatedly, and he did put his hands on my shoulder several times while giving me various pieces of "life advice".

Versus -

The creeper I once met inside a cathedral who was very keen on talking to me and my kid sister about his experience of being caned in school with one of his hands stuck very deep in his trouser pocket...

The fact he asked you if you were seeing someone after just having met you is a tell. Maybe not in every case but what reason does anyone have to ask that question unless they're either already deep in conversation with someone on an already-friendly level, or else fancying their own chances.

In any case if you want to get away, the easiest way would be to make some gestures of polite friendliness as you get up to go, give an excuse if you want, and leave purposefully along a route with the most people on it. Or go into an open store. Don't leave by a back way. Stick to populated areas.

It's always possible that the guy was just a lonely old dude with terrible social skills, but I think you were totally justified in feeling anxious about him.  It's time to worry any time a guy touches you against your will and prevents you from getting away from him.  Hindsight is 20/20, but I agree that telling him off and calling for security if he didn't back down would have been a better idea.  I hope there isn't a next time for you, but if there is, stick to well-lit areas with people.

Also, I wouldn't want to discourage you from talking to anyone you don't know, but I'd suggest being careful with your personal details when you talk to a stranger.  That includes made-up details, because a weirdo might take perceived personal information about your life as an invitation to be intimate with him.  I ask more questions than I answer when I talk to people I don't know.  Most people like talking about themselves, so they're usually fine with it.     

I had a guy at a bar once grab my wrist telling me not to leave and I just yanked his hand away. Then I had a guy literally "claim" me when like 2 other guys were trying to approach me and he kept following me around with his bike until I quickly turned and jolted away. Luckily my heels weren't that bad but it's scary because guys can be so aggressive. I never realized that in my life


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Pretending I have a text coming in is always a handy way to avoid conversations. Even better, I say the imaginary text is someone asking me to call so I excuse myself to go make said call.