So I got asked by my top surgeon's office if I am "living male".  I don't understand for the life of me what they meant.  I said yes obviously but I think my confusion stems from the fact that my overall experience as a guy is different from some other guys.  Allow me to explain:

I've always identified as a lesbian/butch/stud, you know the masculine sort.  As a kid (up until the age 14) I wore men's/boys clothing and shoes.  I pass as a guy without trying to at all.  Constantly having to explain why I'm in the ladies' room, etc.  This was all before I accepted the thing I spent my whole life trying to ignore, that I am a man.  My mom made us say prayers every night before bed (6-10 yrs old) and before I laid down and went to sleep, I said an extra prayer and asked God to turn me into a boy when I woke up.  So when I was asked if I was "living male"  I assumed she meant if I was on T and/or binding which I do now.  Is that the correct assumption?

I read a lot of different posts from guys and girls here and noticed that some people weren't as fortunate as me to have a small way to express themselves (clothing/lifestyle choices).  I've also noticed that some guys ask how to start living as a man and are advised with a more masculine haircut or wearing men's clothing, something I'd always done/had.  The only thing is my physical body doesn't match who I really am so again I was unsure what the question "Are you living as male?" meant and how to answer it properly.

Sounds to me like the answer is 100%. We may not always pass but it's not retreating to our birth gender that counts. In your case it sounds like you haven't lived as a female for a very long time and that may be why the question is confusing to you. Just explain it as you explained it to us and I think the idea will get across.

I think they idea to check if you're "ready". If you say no, you're not then they won't do the surgery.

I'm going to take a guess at what is meant by "living as a male." 

So far, it seems to me that you're partway there.  But to add to it, your doctor might also mean
-legally changing your name to a more "male" name.
-having your legal documents reflect that you have changed your gender to male.
-using the men's room when available.
-having everyone in your life (family, friends, co-workers, etc.) refer to you as male.

There is probably more to it, but this is what I can think of off the top of my head.

Basically, being male in every way socially.  Whether you pass or not doesn't matter.  If you say you're male, act male, etc, you're male.

Fellas, have anything else to add to this list?

Ryuichi

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As far as I understand, there is no longer any required amount of time to be "out" as per WPATH.  It's possible that individual doctors and health systems have different guidelines.  When I went in for my first top surgery consult, they asked me how long  I'd been living in the "male role."  Depending on how you want to answer that, it could be how long I've been committed to transitioning (about 6 months), to how long I've been dressing, acting, and presenting as male (arguably most of my life).   I was conservative and told them 6 months, which they were fine with.  Not sure what your doctor was looking for with the question.   

it basically means that are you introducing yourself as a man? do you use male pronouns? male name? does your family know? friends? do you use the mens washroom? that kind of stuff. it is basically are you presenting yourself as a male, not female. some others go further and do the name change, etc. but the stuff i mentioned is just basic stuff that means you're living as male. when i first started to transition, it was a requirement to do "real life experience" to get on testosterone. it was for about 6 months you had to be living as male which included the stuff i mentioned. now that isn't a requirement which is good because it really did feel like a "gatekeeping" kind of thing to see if you're "really trans." i mean i get why they had that but it still is kinda crappy imo.

Quote from: The Flying Lemur on October 29, 2017, 10:55:43 PM
As far as I understand, there is no longer any required amount of time to be "out" as per WPATH.  It's possible that individual doctors and health systems have different guidelines.  When I went in for my first top surgery consult, they asked me how long  I'd been living in the "male role."  Depending on how you want to answer that, it could be how long I've been committed to transitioning (about 6 months), to how long I've been dressing, acting, and presenting as male (arguably most of my life).   I was conservative and told them 6 months, which they were fine with.  Not sure what your doctor was looking for with the question.

Perhaps not a requirement, but the current WPATH Standards of Care still mention a year of living in the target gender before surgery.

In my opinion WPATH is a relic and should be scrapped.

Hugs, Devlyn 

I think there has been good answers given here. I think do dress and act as a guy and want to be taken as guy by how you dress, act, etc.

I only partially understand how the whole RLE thing is supposed to work in the first place. Pre-everything, it was hit-or-miss whether I 'passed' most days (though it wasn't for lack of trying) and most of my time was spent obsessing over my failure to be read fully as male. I couldn't reliably use the men's room, asking everyone to use male pronouns was an exercise in frustration (when the body doesn't match to the eye), introducing myself as a man was awkward and resulted mostly in confusion, etc. I was living as the most masculine version of myself but I still wasn't 'living as a man' because that was pretty impossible. As far as the name change bit goes, I actually had a judge nearly decline an entire batch of us because someone tried to have their name/gender marker changed without undergoing any surgeries or HRT and he questioned the validity of transgender individuals as a whole.
Anyway, I get that I'm just a binary dinosaur and my experience isn't everyone's (blah, blah, all the disclaimers), but my "RLE" was living as a masculine/frustrated female. After now being on the other side and actually living as a male, the two are entirely different.

It seems like a pretty antiquated process.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on October 30, 2017, 03:12:17 PM
Perhaps not a requirement, but the current WPATH Standards of Care still mention a year of living in the target gender before surgery.

In my opinion WPATH is a relic and should be scrapped.

Hugs, Devlyn

That's just for bottom surgery from what I have read.

Thanks so much everyone.  If the guidelines you mentioned are the ones they were asking for then I am definitely living male.  All my friends and family know.  My girlfriend is with me now pre-T and top surgery and she only calls me by my preferred name, soon to be legal name.  The only thing I haven't done is get my name changed and I have to wait to go to court when I return from deployment.  Which is also when I'll be starting HRT.  I avoid the use public restrooms like the plague lol.  I think it would have stemmed from my dysphoria which packing with an STP has helped tremendously.  But seriously thanks again!!!