So I have had suspicions for a while that my mom knew I was transgender, but had kind of just been hoping I was reading too much into random little things.

I just checked my email for the first time today(I usually check every morning when I get up, for school stuff), and saw an email from my mom.. Have only read the first paragraph so far, but she knows, and has known since I posted on a Catholic forum years ago asking for suggestions on how to come out to my parents..

I don't know, I feel like knowing she knows makes it easier for me, but at the same time makes me question why she wouldn't have let me know it was safe to come out years ago.

I really don't know how to feel now, still have to read the rest of the email... I guess at least my fears of coming out are now gone.

Edit: After reading the rest, and having some time to think, it really is a reasonable response honestly. She has obviously been trying the past few years to understand me, and overall she had a response that I kind of expected. Reading it reminded me very much of other stories I have heard of transgender people coming out to their religious parents.

In my case, she pretty much said that she is still learning to accept transgender people, and that it is hard for her, but that she wants me to pray about it and see a therapist. She did ask me to think more about transition and be very careful, which kind of aligns a bit with what I was planning, which was to generally take the transition pretty slow, at least on the social end of things. I do want to try and get on HRT sooner than later.

I will probably let my family just enjoy the Halloween stuff tonight, and then reply to her email before I go to bed, where I will ask about making an appointment to see my doctor so I can start seeing a gender therapist.

I am still a bit upset that she knew for so long and didn't tell me, but I guess on the bright side it gave her 3 years to research it herself, and kind of come to terms. She said for coming out, she wants to talk to my dad herself, and she thinks my brother probably already suspects it.

Thanks for all the help the past few years, I am hoping now that my transition isn't too far off in the distance anymore.

Quote from: Avinia on October 31, 2017, 03:57:45 PM
I don't know, I feel like knowing she knows makes it easier for me, but at the same time makes me question why she wouldn't have let me know it was safe to come out years ago.

I am still a bit upset that she knew for so long and didn't tell me, but I guess on the bright side it gave her 3 years to research it herself, and kind of come to terms. She said for coming out, she wants to talk to my dad herself, and she thinks my brother probably already suspects it.

When I came out, a bunch of people made it clear that they had known or at least had some idea. When I asked them why none of them ever said anything, I got variations on the following theme: "I didn't feel it was my place to say anything." Your mother may have felt the same way.

I understand her actions I think.  My nephew is gay, everyone knew it, but it was not something I felt I should initiate. It  wasn't til I came out as trans til we talked. I agonized over this, only felt like I could give general supportive statements, but it didn't feel right to out him to himself (if  that makes sense.)
Moni

Yeah, I understand, it is just now going to be awkward for a while.. Still feels like a dream to be honest.

I guess now really all I have to do is talk to her at some point, and start the process of getting on HRT. I think the latter is going to be the hardest on my mom, since from her email, she doesn't seem to support the idea of me transitioning very much.. or at least medically.

I think her fear is that I will get on hormones, and then suddenly either become a different person, or want bottom surgery immediately(I do want it in the long term, but I want to be on hormones for at least a year and a half before I consider it). She also seems worried about me getting into the culinary industry as a transgender woman, which I can understand her fears there since I am kind of afraid of it myself.

Probably going to look into the LGBTQ center near my college, to look for support groups or something, and like I said, hopefully will start seeing a doctor soon.

Relax, you have time. Take things a step at a time. Talk to her, help her understand. What she thought before is not reality. Get her to understand what your reality is. Give her some time  to adjust, a little at a time. You will take steps to move forward, but they will not be all at once. Take the pressure off yourself.

Moni

It sounds like there are a lot of positives to take out of your situation.

1.) You've been worried (may I say dreading?) having to tell your mother about this but now you know that she already knows.

2.) She is still communicating with you. She hasn't disowned you and refused to discuss it.

3.) You're young and have so much time to make the right decisions for YOU while still listening to others.

4.) You found this place.

One step at a time and all the very best.

I know a transwoman in the culinary field. Her coworkers had her back when a manager-in-training repeatedly misgendered her on purpose.

Quote from: Daisy Jane on November 01, 2017, 02:31:42 PM
I know a transwoman in the culinary field. Her coworkers had her back when a manager-in-training repeatedly misgendered her on purpose.

If I had a dollar for every trans person I've come across who is a cook, chef, baker... From my experience, if you've got the skills, no one much cares.

Yes, I've had some crap, but almost all of the kind any woman might get.

Since I am still not comfortable talking face-to-face, combined with the lack of time to actually do that when my dad and brother aren't around, I ended up sending off my reply just now. I think she has a doctor's appointment tomorrow, so that should give her time to go over it and think about it.. I hope.

Otherwise, besides focusing on the gender stuff, I am probably babysitting tomorrow, so I will use that time to make an appointment to change my major, and inquire about more LGBTQ resources on or near campus.

For now, I need to go to bed.. and stop eating so much candy, my acne is getting bad again(that could also be from all the soda, which I need to stop drinking as well).