Quote from: DawnOday on October 08, 2017, 10:26:26 PM
I binge watched Hand Maids Tale all day today. The show is truly very good. But so much of it is possible it is like reading a forecast of the future. A future my 3 1/2 month old grand daughter will inherit unless we stand up now. It is not a future anyone I know would want to live.

Watched it myself it was amazing. Hard to believe it was written a decade or so ago; it's like the author predicted the future.

I forgot my makeup bag at the facility I was working at tonight.  It has all my makeup, except my lipstick and a couple different nail polishes.   I think that is where I left my MP3 player as well. 

To make matters worse, it's a two and a half hour drive to get it from home.   I'm going to not have makeup until Friday!

When I got up to get a drink of water around 2 am like I often do during the night, my right foot began dribbling blood up near my ankle 

So as if that wasn't freaky enough, while I was tending to that one my left foot began spraying blood in spurts like a paint can


I decided to call the medics but managed to stop the bleeding before they arrived    So there's the two medics and a police man and they looked just as confused as I felt trying to explain it but they could see the blood all over my kitchen floor

They offered to take me to hospital but since the bleeding had stopped I just want to go back to bed

So while I talked to the police man and the one medic that I somewhat fancy a bit the other medic helped with cleaning up the blood off the floor

Then since I didn't want to go to the hospital they all took off and I went back to bed (In hopes that the bleeding wouldn't start up again) 

Sounds like the time I nicked a vein on the shower door. Hope you're OK

I'll be okay, been putting moisturizing lotion

Definitely don't want to become a hemophiliac or an amputy 

Today I realized how empty my life really is. I have nothing really but my job and what's left of my marriage. We cling to each other for comfort of a sort, but I'm no longer what she needs and she's not comfortable being what I need. No close friends, very little time for them anyway.

I have no one to blame for this but myself.

That's about all the truth I can tolerate for a while.

:

April 22, 2015, the day of my first face to face pass in gender neutral clothes and no makeup. It may be months to the next one, but I'm good with that!

Being transgender is just a phase. It hardly ever starts before conception and always ends promptly at death.

They say the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. I say, climb aboard!

Think outside the voice box!

Darn PTSD effecting my sleeping and eating habits again 

When I'm feeling bad, why do I have to physically reflect that on myself?

*Wishing there was a gated support area for us that self harm*


Rowan

Let's see. Got pulled over on the way to a client cause the cop was bored at a light and evidently someone thought it would be a laugh to pull a ticket off my windshield six months ago.

Weather was inducing seizures in my client for the five hours I was with her.

Another client pulled two knives on his overnight staff at 1:00 in the morning because he was out of cigarettes. The police brought him to the hospital for evaluation but he's already been released. I see him Monday.

Another client is still out of town. He was supposed to be back yesterday. No word if he'll never back for our session on Thursday. With the one on Friday who scheduled off to meet with his lawyers and the one who cancelled yesterday I'm missing half my hours this week. I don't get paid for the missing hours.

Someone is trying to throw me under the bus because a mutual client's electricity almost got cut off. The amount she owed is so much it could only be if the county wasn't paying their share.

And, I have a splitting headache, probably from all the above.

On the plus side, my posts on this thread are almost never about trans stuff anymore and the cop called me ma'am.

:

April 22, 2015, the day of my first face to face pass in gender neutral clothes and no makeup. It may be months to the next one, but I'm good with that!

Being transgender is just a phase. It hardly ever starts before conception and always ends promptly at death.

They say the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. I say, climb aboard!

Think outside the voice box!

I had to stop estradiol a month before my surgery.   A month of PMS, and the hormonal bits of dysphoria!  Auugh!  Now I'm back on, at half strength, apparently the traditional treatment for post-ops from what I can tell.  But...

I shrunk from a 34Barely to 34Almost, darn near 34AA, AKA ironing board.   

Auuugh! Bra shopping in the pre-teens aisle?  Auuuugh!


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A litter bin overflowing aith spew, another one containing ->-bleeped-<-ty condoms, a pissed on matress.

After my makeover yesterday. My dysphoria has basically disappeared, which has been making me question whether I'm just a crossdresser or if I'm really trans. Although I felt like myself for the first time ever, while I was dressed, and I've still been getting moments where my urge to be a woman is strong.

I expect my dysphoria to return at some point, honestly, at this point, I'd be disappointed if I wasn't trans, does that even make any sense?

Seem to have come down with some sort of cold or something 

Twisted my ankle    I'm hoping it's not too bad but I can feel that weird tingly pain and swelling

My dysphoria has returned, and is near crippling. Work makes it bad, because I'm my department, it's all males, so we're all 'lads'. I get on them really well, but being around them makes me hate myself even more.

When my dysphoria gets this bad, I feel like I'm going to burst unless I tell everyone I'm transgender, even though I know I'm not ready for that yet. I actually wish I could cry, but I feel that numb

Therapist appointment, depressed the stuff out of me

My living situation and the cost

Cystitis

I returned home after a trip abroad for a month and a half and had a laser session on my beard. It was really painful and my skin on my face looks a bit battered. Anyways I couldn't leave the house and felt lonely and started thinking about my ex.


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I lost a friend yesterday.  Not because of being trans, but because I am just terrible at friendship. I hurt someone deeply.  This morning when I looked in the mirror all I can see is that same ->-bleeped-<- I've seen for 36 years staring back at me.

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