I recently decided to come out to my family as MTF through letters. We live on different coasts and I want to give them time to process their feelings before sitting down for a conversation.

I'm wondering if any of you know of a guide, article, or blog post with suggestions?  Is there a thread in the forum with recommendations, dos, and don'ts?  Or do any of you have suggestions based on your experiences?


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https://www.susans.org/wiki/Category:Family_and_friends    Here are some letters on our wiki.                        Here are a couple of great letters that do a great job of explaining.  https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,104243.msg780226.html#msg780226

There's a lot of information including sample letters here: https://www.susans.org/wiki/Category:Family_and_friends

Dawn beat me to it!

Best wishes with the family!

Hugs, Devlyn

Thanks so much, Dawn and Devlyn! <3


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Letter was my preferred method.  My suggestion is: keep it simple.

Don't overload people with minutia about the nuances of gender dysphoria and such if you don't have to.  They're dealing with what is either a shock or something they've suspected all along here.  It's easy to hammer out a 5000 word letter with tons of supporting evidence and explanations but some of that could be saved for later conversations.  Using humor helped me, and if that works with your personality and writing style I say go for it.  Don't try to force it if it isn't something you do normally though.

Gosh, I got so many tips from others, but I think the one thing I'd say to consider is the target audience.  I wrote mine specifically for my sister and we are very close.  I wanted it to be informative and also evoke emotion.  Mine irked well.  If for others that aren't as close, maybe a more matter of fact with some slight history and explaining what gd is.

Here's my thread of you want to see the tips others gave.  My first draft is there too.  I rewrote it two more times and added parts that were recommended by others.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,229341.0.html

Bari Jo

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on November 09, 2017, 08:28:44 PM
Letter was my preferred method.  My suggestion is: keep it simple.

Don't overload people with minutia about the nuances of gender dysphoria and such if you don't have to.  They're dealing with what is either a shock or something they've suspected all along here.  It's easy to hammer out a 5000 word letter with tons of supporting evidence and explanations but some of that could be saved for later conversations.  Using humor helped me, and if that works with your personality and writing style I say go for it.  Don't try to force it if it isn't something you do normally though.

Thanks for sharing, Colleen. Keeping it simple sounds like a good idea. I came out as gay when I was 14 (I'm 30 now) and my family educated themselves and looked for resources without asking for my help. They've always been supportive and I hope they are with this as well. It feels different this time, maybe it feels more real.


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Quote from: Bari Jo on November 09, 2017, 10:34:44 PM
Gosh, I got so many tips from others, but I think the one thing I'd say to consider is the target audience.  I wrote mine specifically for my sister and we are very close.  I wanted it to be informative and also evoke emotion.  Mine irked well.  If for others that aren't as close, maybe a more matter of fact with some slight history and explaining what gd is.

Here's my thread of you want to see the tips others gave.  My first draft is there too.  I rewrote it two more times and added parts that were recommended by others.

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,229341.0.html

Bari Jo

Thanks for posting your thread, Bari Jo. Will give it a look when I start drafting my letters [emoji4]


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