Hi, omg I'm just so excited about my life right now and it's strange because iv lost so much and have so little. This is all because for the first time in my life I am being my self openly! It sounds such a tiny little thing when you say it like that and to most people they don't even think about it but to me it's the biggest moment of my life so far at 30yo. All I remember from my early years is feeling different and enjoying different play and games to the boys I grew up with. I have a sister who is two years older than me so I'd go in her room a lot when she wasn't there and play with her things and I'd act quite girly sometimes. That was when my father started to notice and stopped me doing so. He would say "no son of mine is going to be a puff!" And things like that and hit me sometimes if I didn't listen but the worst was how he'd say that if I was gay or a sissy boy then it would break my family apart and they would all disown me. I had no idea what was going on I was 9 years old for Christ sake! I thought this was all my fault that it was an illness or a curse for something I'd done wrong so I learnt to bottle it up and survive, I never told a soul till I was 14. Puberty was hard I hated my body now I was screaming inside I needed some escape so I started meeting up with boys from other towns for sex, I'd get them to treat me like a girl and for the moment it was ok; then my dad caught me one day! He beat me hard and made me swear I'd never see a man again. I fell off the rails after that turning to pot and getting in with the wrong crowd. At 18 I started party drugs and drinking heavy always hoping theyd kill me some day but they never did. I managed to have a few relationships with women and even got married although it was all to appease my father as I had no attraction to women so sex was a real effort on my part to fantasise enough to keep it up. I'm now 30yo my father died almost 2 years ago and I'm almost divorced I have just lost my gran who was so dear to me and I have no money and no home of my own but I'm the happiest iv ever been because I'm being me I'm on HRT and heading towards looking more like iv always felt inside! Thank you for taking the time to read my story I have drawn so much hope and inspiration from so many others you are all truly blessed xx

Hi Jenny,

welcome to the forum and thank you so much for sharing your story. It was an interesting read and like most of the time there are things that we all can relate too. In my case it's the drugs part. I numbed myself with drugs for years.
I just recently joined this forum too and like me you'll find a lot of helpful and friendly people around here as well as a huge amount of information. Enjoy your new life!

Thanks Nanina it's great there are places like this were people can get information seek advice or just a friendly chat with someone that understands I can honestly say I would not be here if I hadn't met people online to talk too x

Hi Jenny 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

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Hugs

V M

Hey,
Thanxs for that i'll Read through it now x

Hi Jenny, you are among friends, sorry your father was unaccepting and abusive growing up.  This journey is hard enough and and confusing enough as it is.  Abuse is unacceptable.  Glad you are happy now though.  I'm learning that acceptance of myself has brought a level of happiness too.  Like you,  I love to finally be me.

Welcome, and may your ride be not too bumpy.

Bari Jo

When finally a veil is lifted
Shock at seeing the first light
Shrouded thoughts that often drifted
Now explode like dynamite
My tomb from my moral excistence
Slowly giving up the fight
Starting to change at every instance
Starting to become more right
They say be who you want to be
You can sight what you want to see
Each night is not a fantasy
I write it cause I'm only me
And finally my soul is free

Love the poetic description of how many of us feel.
Welcome Jenny and thanks for the inspiring introduction.

Thanks for sharing Jenny and welcome!

Thanks for the welcoming words I feel like although I will probably never meet any of you I feel a connection to you all in what we are going through and who we are it's like long lost family. I wish you Peace luck and prosperity. Much love sisters xxx

Hi Jenny. I am sorry you had it so rough growing up. I am glad you are finding happiness now. It feels so liberating once you accept yourself and start taking steps to be the real you. I wish you well in your journey.

Welcome to the forum.

Jayne

Welcome from a Blackpool girl

Thank you all for being so welcoming.It is a huge source of support for me at this time and for the challenges that lie ahead. To receive is lucky but to give is magical so I hope in sharing my experience it helps like so many that have helped me.

Bless you all

Jenx