Months of excuses and procrastination have gone by and my transition had almost ground to a halt. My 70+ year old parents are so important in my life and I was petrified over losing them by coming out. They have a strong religious background, are of a very different generation and I just couldn't imagine how they would react
The drive over to see them was a complete blur. In my head I was psyching myself up, playing over and over again how I would start the conversation. In my pocket, a hand written letter I had spent days agonising over. I kept telling myself, just be very matter of fact, give them the letter and be done with it. Walking along the garden path though, my situation suddenly became very real and my confidence took a serious nose dive. As my mum opened the door I was ready to give up, have a very quick chat about nothing and run away fast
However, sitting there I knew what had to be done, I just couldn't get the words out. All I wanted was the right opener to start my coming out speech but how do you turn talk of weather or some celebrity dance program on TV into "by the way I'm..." The opener never came. My thoughts turned again to giving up and coming back another day. Then, consumed by my thoughts, I stopped talking and the awkward silence that eventually followed caused a slight look of concern. This was it, all or nothing, I talked about the dark times I had faced this year following my skiing injuries and then from that talked about how this was compounded by longer term issues I have had to deal with throughout my life. Finally I managed to get the words out "I am transgender". Once those words left my lips the conversation flowed
I didn't get asked to leave the house, there were no tears of sadness, no fights, no throwaway comments, no insults just acceptance. My dad who I really thought would have an issue with it just kept asking questions, wanting to learn rather than judge
I cannot explain how relieved I am. The drive back home was also a blur but for other reasons. I now feel I can start coming out when it suits me and start to make moves towards social transitioning. Today is an awesome day and I can only pray that everyone else takes it as well as my parents
