I can't believe I'm sharing this link from teenVogue, but the article caught my eye in my newsreader, and i really identify with the premise. Basically it discusses an mtf trans woman who has shifted from thinking she has to look "girly" to finding an expression that works better for her (more of a "dapper" look). This is how I've been feeling lately. At first I had this perception that I had to look a certain way - dresses, etc. After a few months on HRT, I've decided that I'm not going to give up one set of preconfigured expectations for another set. I'm completely invested in having what HRT can give me, but beyond that, I'm feeling like I get to find my perfect comfort zone. Right now, it feels like something around a geeky computer nerd gal with jeans and comfortable cotton shirts who likes to occasionally dress it up. That may shift. I'm ok with that. Anyone else feel this way?

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/trans-woman-side-by-side-photos-instagram


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I absolutely agree with you. The pressure of being "the perfect woman" (whatever that is) can get to us. Or at least I've felt it as well. And I just want to go at my own pace and do whatever I want.

I don't want my transition to feel like a chore or that I need to please other people but it's difficult when everyone around you knows what you are doing and they all have an opinion of what you should do and look like. So yeah, I understand you. But we must fight (again) to be able to mold our identity in any way we want.


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If it in your comfort zone then go for it. Not everyone have the same cups of tea. As my Therapist told me that I am happy and comfortable to dress in woman clothes and that who I am, she saw how happy I am when I was ask in the survey and I answered that I am transgender m2f. If I keep suppress my happiness then I will miserable.

That why she go ahead settings up transition team for me to begin my Hormones Replacement Therapy soon.

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In my opinion, it is normal when we first start to transition to go for the most girly figure as possible as a way to reaffirm ourselves and to validate our identities as women. I believe in many cases our need for reassurance distances us in some degree from our true selves.

But I guess it is also normal to be gradually finding a balance point and coming back to our true selves at some point.

In my particular case, I've found out that I hate girly shoes like high heels and ballerinas and there is nothing better for me than an old All Star or skate shoes. So I love to be a nerd-like girl who uses jeans, sneakers, superheroes tshirts and even sometimes baggy pants.

I don't wanna be a model of the perfect girl, I just wanna be the perfect model of myself. 

Quote from: Annushka on November 04, 2017, 06:49:35 AM
In my opinion, it is normal when we first start to transition to go for the most girly figure as possible as a way to reaffirm ourselves and to validate our identities as women. I believe in many cases our need for reassurance distances us in some degree from our true selves.

But I guess it is also normal to be gradually finding a balance point and coming back to our true selves at some point.

In my particular case, I've found out that I hate girly shoes like high heels and ballerinas and there is nothing better for me than an old All Star or skate shoes. So I love to be a nerd-like girl who uses jeans, sneakers, superheroes tshirts and even sometimes baggy pants.

I don't wanna be a model of the perfect girl, I just wanna be the perfect model of myself. 

I think you're totally right about that. Right after I transitioned I wouldn't go any place unless I was dressed up and had my hair and make up perfect. This got me unwanted attention. Walking through Walmart or the grocery store dressed to the 9s gets you noticed. I got a lot of dirty looks from other women. It wasn't that they outed me as trans, but more like they were thinking " who do you think you are grocery shopping all dressed up"?  I started paying attention to how other women looked and they were dressed very casual. A few even looked like derelicts. Once I started dressing very casually for just shopping and doing errands other women started smiling at me and sometimes saying hi and making some small talk. If you're over dressed in a casual setting it seems like a lot of women seem to think you're doing it to try and show them up and it makes them hostile.

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on November 04, 2017, 04:52:09 AM
I absolutely agree with you. The pressure of being "the perfect woman" (whatever that is) can get to us. Or at least I've felt it as well. And I just want to go at my own pace and do whatever I want.

I don't want my transition to feel like a chore or that I need to please other people but it's difficult when everyone around you knows what you are doing and they all have an opinion of what you should do and look like. So yeah, I understand you. But we must fight (again) to be able to mold our identity in any way we want.


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Yes, it's like falling into expectations assigned at birth to expectations assigned at transition. Everybody has a box for you to fit in...


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Quote from: luanneph on November 04, 2017, 05:26:29 AM
If it in your comfort zone then go for it. Not everyone have the same cups of tea. As my Therapist told me that I am happy and comfortable to dress in woman clothes and that who I am, she saw how happy I am when I was ask in the survey and I answered that I am transgender m2f. If I keep suppress my happiness then I will miserable.

That why she go ahead settings up transition team for me to begin my Hormones Replacement Therapy soon.

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Congratulations! I'm glad for you! Starting HRT was so exciting for me!


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Quote from: Annushka on November 04, 2017, 06:49:35 AM

In my particular case, I've found out that I hate girly shoes like high heels and ballerinas and there is nothing better for me than an old All Star or skate shoes. So I love to be a nerd-like girl who uses jeans, sneakers, superheroes tshirts and even sometimes baggy pants.

I don't wanna be a model of the perfect girl, I just wanna be the perfect model of myself. 

Yes, exactly! Nerdy, and a bit of a Tom girl, not afraid to pick up a shovel or hammer and sweat a little. That's what's resonating for me...


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Quote from: Julia1996 on November 04, 2017, 07:40:03 AM
I think you're totally right about that. Right after I transitioned I wouldn't go any place unless I was dressed up and had my hair and make up perfect. This got me unwanted attention. Walking through Walmart or the grocery store dressed to the 9s gets you noticed. I got a lot of dirty looks from other women. It wasn't that they outed me as trans, but more like they were thinking " who do you think you are grocery shopping all dressed up"?  I started paying attention to how other women looked and they were dressed very casual. A few even looked like derelicts. Once I started dressing very casually for just shopping and doing errands other women started smiling at me and sometimes saying hi and making some small talk. If you're over dressed in a casual setting it seems like a lot of women seem to think you're doing it to try and show them up and it makes them hostile.

Thank you for that insight. It makes perfect sense. Being dressed appropriately for the occasion has been a big deal to most women I've known.


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Wonderful thread. 
I was reading a thread on another site and the question was raised "What is feminine" and "What is it to be a woman"

In discussing style, my wife asked "what is your style"?

These are all good questions.  I am still working on feminine and woman.  Every time I think I have it nailed down it wiggles out from under the nail before I can get the hammer down. 

Now style is perhaps a little easier.  Initially I was thinking in terms of one style per person and only one.  That is crap.
I am thinking now that there are times that jeans and a sweat shirt is a good idea, like when using the chain saw to cut the 8 cords of wood we use each year.  A skirt or dress seems a little impractical for that not to mention a possible safety hazard.

Going out?  My dream would be to be able to wear an Ao Dai from Vietnam.  Ok, I am too big and too heavy but WOW!

In between like around the house, I like a skirt appropriate for the season.  Winter will include a sweater.

Going to court may be a little dressier in either a dress or slacks.

Style adjusts to the occasion and to the body. 

Am I ever going to be 5'4" and a hundred pounds?  Only in the body image that I have of myself.  Unfortunately, I won't see that ever and actually went past that in about a day in fifth grade.  Somehow mini skirts and short shorts may not on my style platter.  Besides, I like long skirts.  Still to be able to show off good legs (mine aren't bad) could be fun. 

At 66 I don't think I am ever going to be declared a raving beauty.  Raving maybe.  I still have hair and am growing it out with it's curls and waves. Not sure yet where I am headed but it is going there anyway.

Sorry,  I am rambling and probably real off topic.  I will quit.

I like short skirts and heels they make me feel sexy. I would always wear skirts or short shorts if it didn't get so cold. People are gonna look either way why not give them something good to look at lol


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Quote from: dist123 on November 09, 2017, 09:13:10 PM
I like short skirts and heels they make me feel sexy. I would always wear skirts or short shorts if it didn't get so cold. People are gonna look either way why not give them something good to look at lol


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The reason I am transition to be a woman so it fits gender I want to be. While I was cross dresser I just comfortable to dress in woman clothes not for sexy at all, and I just want no longer have a man body.

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Quote from: Mikaela on November 03, 2017, 06:57:12 PMan
. . . mtf trans woman who has shifted from thinking she has to look "girly" to finding an expression that works better for her

          I call it 'hyper-feminine' Mikaela love appearing and projecting girlish while being "passive-aggressive", only reluctantly going along with 'the program'. As a trans-girl 'fitting in' with others is definitely NOT one of my priorities work doesn't quite know what to make of me and I Like It that way!!

While no longer have 'employment seniority' due new job Age still has it's Rank & Privileges!!

Quote from: luanneph on November 11, 2017, 12:09:15 AM
The reason I am transition to be a woman so it fits gender I want to be. While I was cross dresser I just comfortable to dress in woman clothes not for sexy at all, and I just want no longer have a man body.

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Yes I agree that's why we transition.  I guess I approached this topic "gender comfort level" as in what style of clothes I like. Identity does go much deeper than just skirts and heels...

Quote from: dist123 on November 11, 2017, 05:52:13 AM
Yes I agree that's why we transition.  I guess I approached this topic "gender comfort level" as in what style of clothes I like. Identity does go much deeper than just skirts and heels...

I know a few trans woman who transition to become a porn star.

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Quote from: Briah on November 09, 2017, 08:57:42 PM
Wonderful thread. 
I was reading a thread on another site and the question was raised "What is feminine" and "What is it to be a woman"

In discussing style, my wife asked "what is your style"?

These are all good questions.  I am still working on feminine and woman.  Every time I think I have it nailed down it wiggles out from under the nail before I can get the hammer down. 

Now style is perhaps a little easier.  Initially I was thinking in terms of one style per person and only one.  That is crap.
I am thinking now that there are times that jeans and a sweat shirt is a good idea, like when using the chain saw to cut the 8 cords of wood we use each year.  A skirt or dress seems a little impractical for that not to mention a possible safety hazard.

Going out?  My dream would be to be able to wear an Ao Dai from Vietnam.  Ok, I am too big and too heavy but WOW!

In between like around the house, I like a skirt appropriate for the season.  Winter will include a sweater.

Going to court may be a little dressier in either a dress or slacks.

Style adjusts to the occasion and to the body. 

Am I ever going to be 5'4" and a hundred pounds?  Only in the body image that I have of myself.  Unfortunately, I won't see that ever and actually went past that in about a day in fifth grade.  Somehow mini skirts and short shorts may not on my style platter.  Besides, I like long skirts.  Still to be able to show off good legs (mine aren't bad) could be fun. 

At 66 I don't think I am ever going to be declared a raving beauty.  Raving maybe.  I still have hair and am growing it out with it's curls and waves. Not sure yet where I am headed but it is going there anyway.

Sorry,  I am rambling and probably real off topic.  I will quit.

Not at all! That's right on to the topic as I saw it...


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Quote from: luanneph on November 11, 2017, 07:34:45 AM
I know a few trans woman who transition to become a porn star.

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Some go into the adult industry but you don't mean they transition JUST to be porn stars? That would be ridiculous

Quote from: dist123 on November 11, 2017, 07:40:53 AM
Some go into the adult industry but you don't mean they transition JUST to be porn stars? That would be ridiculous

I guess I have to agree with that!

Dressing up is for me, in private. I will use a little mascara and lipstick to go to my support group meetings,  jeans and a blouse and now that I have a pair of shoes that fit, I can wear them. But mostly for everyone else it's all grunge all the time. Hey I live in Seattle. I have to admit, I love dressing up but again that is for me. Another time and I would be doing more than just HRT.

How I present myself is mostly for my own comfort.  I don't like to be over-the-top, so I dress a bit conservatively while displaying my femininity, as befits a woman in her 60s.  I wish I could wear a miniskirt, because I love the look and I get envious when I see a young student wearing one, but it would get me noticed in a way that I don't want to be noticed.

I wear skirts more often than other women my age, just because I like to.  My wife is an excellent fashion coach, and I am finding that I have good taste in clothes, myself, so I have quite a few casually-elegant skirts and tops.  When the situation calls for trousers, I look pretty good in skinny jeans.

I don't really pass, so I have to be careful not to be flambuoyant.  That's not my style anyway.  When people notice me, because I know that some will, I want them to think, "Well, at least she dresses nicely."