Quote from: Rachel on October 17, 2017, 06:59:20 PMWe reviewed the most likely pool of guys I will be potentially dating (in the gayborhood) their potential for HIV and need to barrier protection for other std's.

Maybe I misunderstood but are you planning to date gay guys? I'm not sure that gay guys are sexually interested in transgender women. You should hunt for bi or straight guys.

Quote from: Charlie Nicki on October 18, 2017, 10:52:23 PM
Maybe I misunderstood but are you planning to date gay guys? I'm not sure that gay guys are sexually interested in transgender women. You should hunt for bi or straight guys.

Hunt? That sounds so male. probably the two best ways to meet people are through friends or through activities one likes.


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I am interested in males. A gay guy would have no interest in me.

I will be volunteering in our LGBT community center to increase exposure. I know a lot of trans there and want to make connections to meet other people.

The gayborhood has a lot of different people and sexual preferences and lifestyles. 

Rachel,

    Friendship, dating, companionship all of that can come at the strangest times and places and you might not even recognize it when it does happen.  I've started to think that the LGBT center might not be the right place.  Maybe a cooking class, sailing class, card game club.  Basically some activity you share with a group is a great way to meet people.

- Denise

Hi Denise,

I think you are right. I like walking up and down hills. I did 5 miles Saturday with a 60 pound pack. Finding like minded people would be a lot of fun. Maybe I will look for hiking meetups. Thanks.

I did 5 miles each on Saturday and Sunday with a 60 pound pack up and down hills. I do a 20 pound pack weekdays but for only 1.5 miles. I also do 30 plus flights of steps in the morning at 5 am and do 50 squats and 25 angled push ups. I will be adding pushups and squats to the routine this week. I would love to do steps at lunch time too.

I have my 1 year checkup with Dr. McGinn November 20th. Two things are on my mind. One is that Heather gave me homework to have sex. I do not think I will be making that homework assignment. My ex is still living with me and I need to first reach out and join some groups to increase my social circle. Second, I am having an in-office procedure to "close off" the bottom of my vagina. I do not fully know what that entails ( I have a very good idea but not specifics). I will ask before it is done. I believe it is for cosmetic reasons. When I was waiting for my BA Dr. McGinn and Heather examined me. The doctor asked do you want me to close of the bottom of your vagina and I said yes. I know how dumb that sounds but it is what happened.

I need to let Dr. McGinn know the orange dilator is still tight and hurts When I slowly put it in.

I have all the letters for my FFS appeal (Dr. Spiegels should arrive this week) except for my primary and the head of trans care (both at Mazzoni). I will get the letters.

Papillion is supposed to send me a letter for my passport. I will need to call tomorrow. I sent a few e-mails and it was to have been sent on the 7th of Oct.

Issue, I want additional FFS mid 2018 to 1) open my eye, 2) maybe decrease my upper lip, 3) lower face lift and jowls and mid face fat removal and 4) love handle and tummy fat removal. I am considering over seas due to the cost in the states. I may break this up and do it over a few years. I am thinking of going to PAI or another place.

VFS is scheduled on Dec 20. I need to let my ex know. Bad enough the procedure will have me speechless for a while but the apprehension of telling her, the potential for violence and the apprehension of coming home and having an issue. Maybe she will buy a condo or townhouse by then.

I received the letter from Papillion for my passport and sent it to the Department of State Philadelphia today. Since I had to surrender my old passport I can not travel out of the country until I get my new passport. I was requested to send a copy of my passport to a doctor Thursday to arrange the paperwork for a vis for next summer.

My 1 year post op is 11/15/2017. I have been thinking about how things are different now compared to before transition. No one told me dysphoria, suicidal ideation, planning and attempting suicide would stop. I had severe depression for a very long time. I sometimes get depressed but I do not have depression. The only medication I take is E every 14 days (or less if I feel really low).

I was walking in the state part this morning 45 minutes before sunrise. The owls were talking to each other. There were shadows and noises all around me and I enjoyed listening as I walked and the sun rose and the moon set. I enjoyed myself. I think I will find a hiking group on meetup or go to the LGBT hiking group out of William Way LGBT community center.

I still get looked at by people in public. I realize it is mostly guys. Some of them stare at me, what is that about? Anyhow, I am becoming very comfortable with myself and am pretty happy overall.

I am still about 198 pounds but I have a lot more muscle. My pants a getting too big and I think a size 10 dress pants is a option now. Also I am able to fit well into a large top . One of the things I noticed about my tummy and oblique's is that there is not too much fat and that it is rearranging over time.

I started sprouting today and hope to add that to my daily diet. I am sprouting broccoli sprout seeds. I think I need to add a 4th container of salad a week. I run out on Fridays.

My old professional coach stopped by my office on Friday. We finished our work together about 6 years ago. we see each other 5 or so times a year.  I told her about the pending vocal surgery. She said when is enough enough and you are comfortable being yourself? I told her not yet. I have a few more things to do. I still have some things unresolved. I let her know I want to go back to school but I do not know for what. I have two areas I would love to pursue but I have a few things I need to further investigate. 

I was asked Friday by a friend at work when will I wear a skirt? She is very nice and I can count on her to give me honest opinions. She wants me to wear more form fitting clothing. Not tight but more form fitting. I agree and I will start. She said guys like to see female features and more form fitting clothing is needed. One of the things I need to learn and I am in real need of help with is how do I figure out a person is looking at me because I am trans and how do I know a person is interested in me?

Quote from: Rachel on November 04, 2017, 07:32:49 PM
  > One of the things I need to learn and I am in real need of help with is how do I figure out a person is looking at me because I am trans and how do I know a person is interested in me?

I was just thinking about this today before I read your post.  I am not sure either but as time goes on and I am gradually getting better at fitting in, I notice the looks are about as frequent as before but seem to be a different motivation.  I bet there are cases when they are very interested in you. 

Passport.  I applied for mine using standard fees, didn't pay extra for rush processing.  I had my new passport in my hands in 17 days.  Mine was mailed to/from Seattle to Pennsylvania, so your mailing speed will be faster. 

Hi Kendra, I guess if a guy is staring I might give some encouraging look or perhaps smile if I want him to say something. That can be a bit intimidating.

I have vocal surgery with Dr. Haban scheduled 12/20/2017. My ex-wife still lives with me and still is controlling. I need to let her and my daughter know the surgery is scheduled. This will be a big issue for me. I really do not want to debate or argue. I just want to let them know and not be surprised.

This weekend my ex said some crap and that was unprovoked. She is looking for a place and I think she will still be here in January.

I need to live my life as me without continuous negative comments and an unsupportive environment.   

Hi Rachel I read your very first message and then realize there were pages and pages in this thread. Naturally (for me) I jumped the gun and read your most recent posts. I have to say.. I was not expecting that! Such a huge difference and it's very encouraging for me personally. You go girl!


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Hi Dist123, I know, there has been a huge change in my life. Thanks for reading and the encouragement.

Kendra, perhaps I should not always be on the defensive and welcome some guys to talk. I was walking on 12th street a month or so ago and a well dressed guy asked if I would stop and talk to him. I just kept going and said no. I was frightened. I have heard so many stories from friends in community I just think the worst possible outcome.

My hold up was I submitted the GCS (copy) document Dr. McGinn provides. It is a beautiful document but does not have all the elements for the 5 year passport. I called Papillion and they sent the needed document but it was returned to them twice. Debbie mailed if from her post office and I received it Saturday and it went to the Department of State today. 

So I am a bit hesitant about VFS. I have it scheduled for 12/20/2017 with Dr. Haban and paid $3,500 (1/2) up front for a triple unless he advised differently. So to make matters a bit more nerve racking my voice therapist told me about a doctor in Philly that does VFS and that she did not think about it until now. She shared an obscure YouTube video from a June conference. I listened to the video and called their office. I left a message with the scheduler and I will get a consult.

Now for the interesting part. The conference was full of doctors and voice pathologists. The doctor mentioned a procedure he watched ( the surgeon that performed the surgery was in the audience) and was to have the procedure published. It removed some muscle on the sides of the vocal folds. This surgery was said to be quick and easy and was said to thin the vocal folds. The doctor said the CTA increases resonance and the glottoplasty increases pitch. I was thinking why not do all three??

Something I really liked to hear. The doctor said he does a 30 to 50 % web for the glottoplasty. He does not remove the mucosal layer, he moves it and it remains. He said if he had to he could remove a little of the web and because the mucosal layer is still there the voice does not have hoarseness and remains crisp.

The doctor had outstanding credentials and experience. I can not believe I have never heard of him before this. So, after I have my consult I will post my thoughts. I will choose to either cancel my operation with Dr. Haban and schedule with this doctor or keep my scheduled appointment with Dr. Haban.

What the doctor showed on the slides and how he explained all the different procedures and how they were as far as effectiveness was really exciting. This is what I wanted to hear. So if it pans out and the doc is awesome I will post a link to the YouTube and my new scheduled VFS date. I would really like to have all three procedures.

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My ex-wife is still living with me and looking for a place to live. I like it because it allows me to slowly accept the future and get use to it. I now am ok with it and know it will happen. I really want to remain friends. I removed her from my benefits. That was tough.

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I found a hill that is a absolute killer. I felt so incredibly good after today's walk. It was 22 degrees (-5.5 degrees C). So I was cold. I went to Dicks Sporting goods after I showered from my morning 5 mile walk with 60 pounds of lead weight. I purchased some Under Armor tights and a Nike top for the cold tomorrow. I was a lazy butt this morning and I did not get up until 1 hour after sunrise. I did not want to slip on any ice in the dark. I am usually in the park walking 45 minutes before sunrise. It is a awesome sound to have a few dozen owls hooting and the moon shining, then sunrise and he shadows recess. Being alone and having the entire park alone and to myself.

I passed a memorial bench today. It was new and had silk flowers on either side. The memorial said it was for their young daughter that died there. The words were so incredibly sad I cried. I had to leave that location for fear of looking odd (HAHAHA).

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I see doctor McGinn on 11/20/17 for my 1 year appointment and a procedure. I hope it does not impair my exercise but if it does it does. I definitely want my bottom closed off. The end of the month is a local LGBT hiking club meet up and I really wanted to finally go but if I miss it so be it.

I did not complete my homework that Chrystal assigned (to have vaginal sex).

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I called my sister after group on my way home Thursday night. She was drunk and laid into me. I guess drunk speech I sober thoughts. She dug into me about my transition, my gender, sexuality, make up, hair, hair color and underwear. Really underwear, she said I need to get female underwear. I told her several times I wear really cute underwear and it did not sink in. She kept asking if I want a guy and to have sex with a stud. Eventually my patience waned and after 45 minutes I said I need to go.  I was really hurt and cried a bit in my car on the way home. My family ( family including aunts, uncles and cousins) has been devastated by drugs and alcohol. I am clean and sober and want to remain that way.

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Rachel,

  Thank you keeping us up to date. You sounds like you are doing okay overall. I imagine a little fear regard any surgery is normal but I'm betting you will be okay. I'm sorry about your call to your sister it didn't sound like much fun for you at all. Alcohol does that to people.  I am glad you want to be clean and sober. We want you clean and sober also.

Quote from: Rachel on November 06, 2017, 04:36:10 PM
My hold up was I submitted the GCS (copy) document Dr. McGinn provides. It is a beautiful document but does not have all the elements for the 5-year passport. I called Papillion and they sent the needed document but it was returned to them twice. Debbie mailed if from her post office and I received it Saturday and it went to the Department of State today.

Rachel,   I'm confused.  I've not had GCS nor am I scheduled for it and just received a 10-year full Passport without any restrictions.  In fact, the only thing that I have not had success (and have not tried) is the gender marker on my New Jersey birth certificate.

- Denise

Hi Laurie, thanks for the support. I am 55 and am in the best shape of my life. I walked 5.5 miles with a 430 feet assent hill in the park today with a 60 pound pack. Exercise makes me feel awesome. I just keep in mind waking up puking and feeling sick until I drank to chase the hangover. It was 25 degrees in the park this morning and I got there 20 minutes before sunrise. There were two cars there already. There are people there at 7:30 running that steep hill. Gasping for air or breathing very heavy. Some people sprint the hill. Some day I will drop my pack and run that hill.

Hi Denise, with my passport application I had to surrender my old passport. The pic did not look like me, the name was dead as well as the gender. I filed the forms of which I send a copy of my GCS form ( beautiful certificate from Dr. McGinn), my original new birth certificate with new name and gender and a copy of my drivers license with new name and gender. The Department of State (DOS) wanted an original letter from my GCS doctor with items A through G that needed to be stated and the letter had to be notarized. I got the letter from Papillion and sent it to the DOS.

A) Physicians full name,
B) medical license number,
C) Issuing State of the medical license,
D) Address and phone number of doctor,
E) had medical relationship and has examined me and my medical history,
F) medical treatment for new sex and state that sex,
G) I declare under penalty of surgery under laws of US that the following is true and correct.

I have a consult with Dr. Sataloff Wednesday. They had a cancellation and I jumped at the opportunity. I e-mailed my insurance handler and they are in network and the consult is covered. The consult is $ 1,200. If anyone has had surgery or a consult with him please share your experience.

I received a bill in the mail from Lower Bucks Hospital for my BA.

Aetna paid them a fixed price of $8,900 for the BA.

Lower Bucks charged me $1,200 when I checked in. Aetna said they would refund me the $1,200.

Lower Bucks charged Aetna $39,999. They want me to pay $11,079.21.

Be very careful and definitely pay Dr. McGinn for your GCS and BA and not the hospital separately.

Dr. McGinn charges $8,000 for the BA which included the implants, her fee, the hospital and anesthesia fee. Instead of reimbursing me for Dr. McGinn Aetna paid the Hospital $8,900 plus Dr. McGinn plus anesthesia plus the implants. This upsets me because the cost gets passed to my employer because we are self insured. Aetna is not managing the costs well.

Lower Bucks Hospital called me today and cancelled the $11,790 bill and want me to call back next week about the $1,200 admission fee.

I canceled my VFS with Dr. Haben tonight. I scheduled with Dr. Sateloff. I had the consult, they recorded my vocal folds through a nose and then mouth scope. I then had electrode pushed into my neck at 7 or 8 locations to measure vibration symmetry then electric shock was induced to check nerve condition.

I need to meet with their speech team 12/1 ( 2 one hour consults). The operation is scheduled 12/11/2017.

I have a bunch of preoperative tests that need to be done:

Blood,
MRI,
Primary care check list.

I have 3 scripts one of which is for my esophagus to be scoped. I have reflux that I did not know about.

The operation will be a cricothyroid subduction. He came about this technique by mistake. A vet had an issue after a tube was removed. The issue required a surgical separation. The issue had presented itself for 2 years without returning to normal by itself. The doctor had been working with Trans since residency and he thought it would make a great VFS technique. It has limitations in that older patients have calcification which reduces the cartledge flexibility. I have some calcification.   He will proceed with the operation and if it can not be done then he will do a CTA. He is not a fan of the CTA and stated his reasons. He has seen long-term failures (separation) in a higher percentage of patients than he is comfortable with. He said he would stitch the CTA securely to prevent separation.

I have no creases in my neck so a scar is an issue.

He will do an Adams apple shave but said I do not need one. I said it has bothered me since puberty and I feel it 8 or 9 times a day. He said that is a good reason to eliminate it.

He asked why I wanted the VFS and I said when in a meeting and I need to think or address a group my tone drops. I think to raise it but when it does drop I am embarrassed to then raise it again. He asked if having someone in my bed at night and I talk in my sleep or am startled would that cause a low tone event? I said it would but I think that probability is low. He said who knows. He said does outing yourself from voice a concern. I said I do not pass visually so it is not a concern. He said he thought I did pass. He said my voice is a mix of high male and low female and the operation would raise my pitch 5/8 to 1 octave into the female range

He said he could do a glottoplasty and said I would need a 40% or a bit more tie. He said my voice would be breathy and lower. My voice is low now. He said it would be hoarse and that guys like hoarse low volume high pitch woman. I said I do not want a hoarse low powered voice. He said he agrees because of what I do for a living and I need to be heard and taken seriously in a meeting. ( I had a meeting with a woman that had a 30% tie glottoplasty. She said she lost voice power and gets hoarse. She said to me that she is stepped on in meetings now. Her voice pitch increased 30 or a bit more HZ, she was not happy and wished she did not have the operation)

I received my 10 year passport today Proper gender and name with a pic that looks like me.

Dr. Sateloff's office called and he wants me to get an ultrasound of my thyroid glands too.

Quote from: Rachel on November 16, 2017, 06:39:47 PM
> I received my 10 year passport today Proper gender and name with a pic that looks like me.

YES!!  Feels great doesn't it?