Thanks for the advice, everyone. I will definitely be going. Just how glamorous I'll be remains to be seen. This isn't an evening affair at a nice place, just an afternoon BBQ in a friend's hangar.
Tonight helped ease some of my fears. We were all invited to a chili party at one of the neighbor's, and while I wasn't what I'd call glamorous, I was definitely in female mode with no effort toward moderating my look to hide who I am now. And everything was fine. Oh heck, it was better than fine: it was normal. I was carrying a heavy crockpot full of mulled cider I'd brought, and had to parade it past everyone on the way in. There was no sneaking in a back door, so I sucked it up and was just myself. And was greeted with, "Hey, Steph!" And that's the way it went all night. While most of them have already gotten the hang of using my correct name, I could see a conscious effort being made to avoid misgendering. And they got it right about 90% of the time. How cool!
The best part, though, is when the group inevitably split up, and the guys gravitated to one table and the girls to another. And somehow, with no effort on my part, I ended up at the girl's table. I was in the same chair I'd used all night, and suddenly realized there were no guys around me - they were all out in the kitchen. And everyone acted like I was where I belonged. While we sat there arrangements were made to start a weekly potluck dinner, hosted by the women in each home around the neighborhood, and they wanted to know which date I wanted to do it. What an incredibly warm feeling it was to be unquestioningly included in that circle. I didn't feel it too deeply then, but now I'm getting all verklempt.
It's interesting that I think I would have been just as comfortable at the other table talking about airplanes. What a strange, in-between world I'm inhabiting these days. I didn't want to be at that table though, since the religious guy was there, and while we were still friendly, I'm keeping some distance between us. His wife, on the other hand, was at the girl's table with me, and was pretty cool about everything.
So anyway, that experience has made me a lot more comfortable with everyone I know. Understanding that they're OK with my presentation now will make it easier to deal with the other people who I don't know who'll be at the upcoming big party.
Thank you all for shepherding me through this recent rough patch. You're the best!
Steph